The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

31 May, 2006

What I got for being 41 years old.

Well, as per my previous post today, I turned 41. My mother was slightly upset that NO ONE from my family phoned to wish me a happy B'Day! In fact, the only B'Day wishes were here on the web (two eCards, three comments and one e-mail!) Darn, aren't I popular now! lol Anyway, not to worry. The lack of B'Day well wishes was more upsetting to my mother than it was for me. I was used to being in Sydney by myself anyway (and those blighters in my family seldom phoned me then, so no real difference!) :-) BUT, in case any of you are wondering what I received, I got these DVD's. The Pink Floyd one off my mother and the U2 one off my youngest brother Jeff. U2 Go Home - Live at Slane Castle. Pink Floyd: Classic Albums Dark Side of the Moon. When my mother bought it, she walked into the store with a big list (my six page list of things I want) and apparently the guy behind the counter had a good read and said I had excellent taste in music!!! Of Course I have excellent taste in music, I'm a friggin' musician!!! :-) A Friggin' REAL ONE!!! [Well, was a real one! lol] ANyway, I'll update everyone on what I did today. Got up - put my washing on. Took my mother shopping [mainly for her stuff as well as nibblies and drinks for my B'day!] Got home, read the usual blogs. Wrote a little. Spent time with my mother. Brother got home, spent time with my mother and brother. It's funny that the only thing I really did today that I wanted to do was read the usual blogs and write a little. Anyway, my mother and brother started arguing and stuff! Started to drive me nuts! NUTS! NUTS!!!!! Then, we had some cake. Then, we sat down and watched the Pink Floyd DVD [which I hadn't wanted to do, as I wanted to write the next Perry Pooter installment, but my mother was all for my 'enjoying' my B'day, so I had to do what she said! :-)] But, being a huge Floyd fan I didn't mind, except I felt I was letting down my loyal readers! [Yes, there are somewhere between 20 to 50 of you! Don't pretend you're not there! I can hear you breathing!!! Either that or I've punctured my ear drums!!!] :-) Anywat, spent time with the family ... finally got back on here to explain WHY I haven't updated Perry Pooter [so sorry guys! Wasn't meaning to let you down!] Hopefully I'll get some time tomorrow, but am off to do some work ... so I hope it doesn't stop me getting it written up! :-)
Here is an update on my whinging for other things I've done over the last week or so. Some might remember how I broke the axe handle last year while cutting wood. Did the same thing to the splitter this year! Another handle bites the dust!!! Anyway, chopped wood on the weekend. We had the new lounge arrive, only, it has one chair with a wobbley back [but doesn't seem to be going to effect it too much], and the thing is TALLER than what we ordered from the store! We went out of our way to get a shorter style lounge and matching chairs for my mother who didn't like all the tall ones. So, we now have a tall one where m mother can't touch the floor properly, and the head rests are higher than we wanted! It was also supposed to be built with Jarrah, but we've noticed it's almost all pine!!! Oh well, still came with the same guarantee and everything. We've decided to keep it and not complain to the manufacturer, as we think we can live with it. Also, no matter how much rat sack and mouse traps we put down, we can't seem to destroy those friggin' mice around the house!!!! It's not bad I guess, but would prefer to live in a rodent free environment. My brother and I were surfing the internet the other day. My mother walked in and asked what we were surfing for. My brother Jeff jokingly said, 'David's looking for Japanese girls.' My mother replied, 'More like Japanese boys!' Yes, the stupid FRIGGIN' belief that I am gay continues in this family!!!! The music thing I was going to organise has been halted. I've been told that orders from higher up has put a close to that idea ... so, no more friggin' bands or anything to book. Guess it lets me concentrate on getting other things done. Was given instruction to get my 'HTML' and 'GIMP' course proposals together by Tuesday. Also spoke a little about organising an 'Open Office' course, so that's also been added to the proposal I need to put forward on Tuesday! Then, 'Blender' got added to the mix. [Or is that blended in! Waaah!'] But, looks like I have a short tiem frame to make some courses ... On top of that, I've been suffering from the usual depression, and I'm getting sick of it! Waaah! I'm getting sick of not having anything to remove depression from my life. Like I always say, it's like a long dark friggin' tunnel with no light at the end!! Waaah! Oh well, I'll go do this work tomorrow and we'll see where I end up. I better go off and make my bed! lol Otherwise I'll have no where to sleep! :-)

Five Questions From Laksa

Five Questions from Laksa 1. Given the choice between being captain of the USS Enterprise or a Jedi knight, which would you choose and why? I'd be the Captain of the Enterprise. Even though Yoda and the later Obe Wan are pretty kewl, a lot of th eother Jedi Knights are dorks, and I really don't think I could put up with Jar Jar Binks for too long without demonstrating my light sabre skills on hsi head! :-) Though the Enterprise may not have the magic of 'The Force' and some other things, it does have highly competent crew and always seems to be destined for some adventure somewhere. :-) 2. If you could turn back time, which world historical event would you change and why? This is a very good question ... I'm having trouble thinking of an answer, as I'm not sure what I could change that would not end up disrupting other things that ended up for the good of people. I mean, I could go back in time and save someone like Steve Biko, or Martin Luther King Jr. etc, but the problem is, even though their deaths were great injustices, the fall out from thir deaths were to raise awareness of their individual causes. So, going back and changing something somewhere could actually work out worse for all in the long run. I can't really think of any event at present that didn't have some lesson for man kind to learn from. So, at present, maybe none, we probably wouldn't be here discussing what we could change, as the world would be a whole different place and maybe some of our ancestors would never have meet and mated and stuff and there would be six billion different people on the planet now, or worse, maybe the world would have destroyed itself or something. Better to try to improve the world we have than to hope to change the world that could have been. I believe it was Sun Tzu who said, 'In times of war prepare for peace, and in times of peace prepare for war.' I think the fundamental idea behind that, is to prepare for things we know maybe coming up so that we are not caught unawares. If we extend that to the rest of the our lives, then we should be preparing for things like natural disasters and have things in place to reduce damage, or to provide aid whenever they occur. 3. If you had only one day left to live (touchwood), what would you want to do before you "go"? There probably isn't enough time to fly to Florence and visit it again, nor any other place on earth ... so, I'd probably try to write as much as I can, and record as much of my music as I can before I leave. That way, at least there is soem sort of legacy of my art to leave behind. 4. A genie grants you 3 wishes - what would they be? First, one million more wishes! :-) Or, if the genie doesn't allow that, then maybe these:
  1. Great Wisdom - the sort which would allow me to see things in the world as they are, and to know how to manipulate them for the good of mankind.
  2. A loving wife who is intelligent, artistic and loves me for being me. [Which is probably a big ask!] :-)
  3. The Intelligence [Intelligence is difference to Wisdom] to understand most complex things and to be able to put into practice ways to benefit the human race.
The first one I would use in the political arena in order to avoid the people of the planet from killing themselves off, and I would use to to bring in an age of peace and goodwill. Hopefully it will benefit everyone on earth so that there will no longer be any poverty, hunger or wars. Second one, because every great person on earth needs loving support, and so would I. Third one, as I can see it as a benefit to colonise Mars, or use technologies in order to benefit places that need better land management (to feed people), etc etc. 5. Name your fantasy world cup side. (I just can't resist!) Me, You, Terrence, KY, ST, maybe a few other soccer fanatic bloggers and some of my friends from Sydney ... not because we'd be any good, but we'd be able to say we made it to the world cup! :-) Otherwise, using real players ... um ... I think I might play a 4-2-4 formation. Not sure which teams are doing this. My old school team used to play a WW formation 3-2-3-2, which might have worked well if we actually understood the point to it! ;-) Anyway, the Dabiland National team will be: Goalkeeper: Gianluigi Buffon (ITA) [I'd have Edwin Van Der Sar (HOL) as my back-up]. Defenders: Massimo Oddo (ITA), Christoph Metzelda (GER), John Terry (ENG), Gary Neville (ENG) Midfielders: Harry Kewell (AUS), David Beckham (ENG) Forwards: Ronaldinho (BRA), Thierry Henry (FRA), Wayne Rooney (ENG), Andriy Shevchenko (UKR) Manager: Jose Pekerman (ARG) I can't believe I spent about two hours thinking about this one and ended up with a very similar team to your own! lol I'm still nt 100% sure about Gary Neville or Thierry Henry [depends on their form], and kept tossing up whether to replace Neviile with Giovanni Van Bronckhorst (HOL) or Carles Puyol (SPA) and Henry with Ronaldo (BRA) [who never seems to live up to his reputation whenever I see him play], or Ruud Van Nistlerooy (HOL) [who can be absolutely awesome on his good days]. In the mean time, Here is a Great Goal! [Possibly a little lucky!] :-) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As per the rule 4 ... here are the rules: The Official Interview Game Rules (copied to be passed on) 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.” 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

41!!! One off the Meaning of Life the Universe and Everything!

Just a quick post before I spend the day running errands for my mother! (Yes, no rest for the birthday boy! No time for myself). Today, I've turned a whole lotta
Forty oneoneoneoneone!!!!111111!!!!!!11111!!!!!11111!!!! [as some people would say!] :-) I'll be back to answer Laksa's five questions and to update Perry Pooter later in the day. [Hope you're all looking forward to that!] :-) First stop for me, off to buy the softdrinks, cake, nibblies etc for birthday! [No, I have no idea what they've bought me, as I'm getting some presents tonight, and other presents on Saturday!] :-)

30 May, 2006

Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part Four

Christmas arrived and many vultures swooped through the great hall bringing the students mail and presents from their parents. The students were thoroughly delighted with what they'd received after removing all the vulture poo from it. Perry sat looking glum, as it was obvious, that as an orphan, he was going to get Nix from Saint Nick. Let's face it, for someone who's supposed to reward the good children and bring bits of coal for the bad children, this guy had a blind eye for the poor and the parentless. In fact, a lot of very rich bad kids got given a lot better presents than the poor good kids. It really just went to prove that Santa Claus was just a corporate shill trying to shove capitalism down the throats of unwary children. Perry was surprised however, as a vulture did swoop low over him and a large pile of white goo landed in front of him. He immediately realised it was too big for vulture droppings, so somewhere amongst that guano was a package ... he wondered if it was for him. Von wiped away the vulture poo and there in plain black and brown was Perry's name. 'It's for you, Perry,' Von said. Perry was shocked. 'What could it be?' asked Hernia. 'I don't know,' said Perry. 'Well don't just sit there, open it,' said Von. Perry untied the poo covered strings and opened the brown paper. Inside was a cloak. 'Well, I guess that'll keep me warm at night now,' said Perry. 'No need for you to climb into bed with me now, Von.' Von looked a little disheartened till he realised what the cloak was. 'Hey,' he said to Perry. 'That's a cloak of invisibility.' 'Really?' asked Perry and Hernia in unison. 'Yeah, you place it over yourself, and you disappear.' Later that night, in Perry and Von's room, Perry placed the cloak over himself. 'Have I disappeared?' Perry asked Von. 'Not yet Perry,' said Von. 'I can still see your pants and your shoes. Perry took his pants, shoes and socks off. 'How about now?' he asked Von. 'Nope, hasn't worked yet.' Perry took the rest of his clothes off. 'What about now?' Perry asked. 'Wow! It's amazing,' said Von. 'You've completely disappeared!' Perry ducked out of the room and raced down the corridor. As he went, he passed Professor Snack and Dumblebum. Both were a little taken back as the cloak raced past with Perry's naked legs racing along underneath that. 'What was that?' asked Snack. 'I think it was Perry Pooter running naked through the corridors under an old blanket,' replied Dumblebum. 'Oh, the old cloak of invisibility prank. Always some idiot falls for it every year.' As they were discussing this, a blanket with Navel Longbuttocks and another with Malfort collided a little way down the corridor. 'Watch it, Longbuttocks,' cried Malfort. 'I'm sorry, Malfort. I didn't see you!' replied Navel. 'Of course you didn't, I'm wearing a cloak of invisibility.' Both Malfort and Longbuttocks placed their blankets over themselves and went running around once again. 'Appears the prank has caught more than one student this year,' said Snack. 'Apparently, yes,' replied Dumblebum. 'I better track down Pooter and get him back to his bedroom, you can track down Longbuttocks and Malfort.' Dumblebum eventually found Perry standing in front of the 'Mirror of Eraserhead'. The mirror played the Schwarzenegger's film eraser over and over, even though the viewer knew the movie was crap, they somehow was hypnotised into watching it all the way through. 'Ah, Pooter. You've found the "Mirror of Eraserhead", it's very addictive,' said Dumblebum. 'Because the acting is so good?' asked Perry. 'Definitely not! It's because the staff normally sniff cocaine off it at the faculty parties. I'll have to have it moved somewhere you can't find it.' Perry returned to his room, where he found that Von and several other students had glued all his furniture to the roof and the light to the floor. As he entered, all the students from most of his class were there. He stood in shock, and the house captain grabbed his blanket and ripped it off him. Perry was too young to have had that dream where he suddenly finds himself naked in front of his school ... not that it mattered, he'd now lived the dream! :-)

29 May, 2006

Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part Three

***WARNING: Some bits not suitable for children!***
So it was that Perry, Von, Hernia and all the rest of the kids did what they were supposed to do at boarding school, they went to lessons. Amongst this was also numerous practical jokes each student played upon each other. Like shoving socks up one students bottom while he slept so that when he awoke he couldn't find anything to wear on his feet except his shoes. Or leaving a burning paper bag full of dog doo on a students bed, that sort of backfired when the bed, the curtains and most of the room went up in flames. No practical joke rated higher though, than leaving Michael Jackson in a students bed in order to scare the daylights out of them! So came the day when they were going to have their first lesson flying on a broomstick. They assembled themselves on the castle green where the teacher stood with a broomstick. The children were totally amazed at the sight of the broomstick hovering a few feet off the ground, as they had no idea where the wires attached to it went, as there was obviously nothing but blue sky above them. The teacher opened a wooden box with the words, 'Queeritch' written on the outside. 'Now student,' she said. 'How many of you know what I've got in my box?' 'Balls!' exclaimed Von. Malfort stiffled a laugh at some dirty joke th rest of the students were too young to understand. 'Not just any sort of balls,' continued the teacher. 'These are Queeritch balls.' Malfort stiffled another laugh. The rest of the students looked at him with strange looks. 'Now, the aim of the game is to catch the Snotch. It's a round green thing which flies through the air. If you catch that, you win the game. Now, for some unknown reason, the rest of the players fly around hitting these balls and scoring points, trying to kill each other and doing other strange things. I have no idea why they bother, as the whoel point is to catch the snotch and win the game!' The students looked impressed. 'Now you,' the teacher said addressing Navel Longbuttocks. 'Get on the broomstick, and we'll teach you to fly the thing.' As Navel climbed aboard, the prop men in charge of the wires attached to the broomstick pulled extremely hard and poor Navel was sent flying into the air eventually bouncing off the walls of the castle. If his parents had wanted him to grow up to be the amunition for a trebuchet,they would have been highly pleased. Unfortunately, for Navel, he wasn't made of the same material as the wall he hit, and as such came off the worse of the two. The teacher raced to his aid. 'Now the rest of you students behave yourself while I take Navel to the school nurse!' she cried over her shoulder. 'Bugger that for a joke,' said Malfort. Who immediately grabbed the snotch and threw it at her back. Fortunatel for Malfort, the snotch didn't hit her in the back of the head as he had hoped, but instead zoomed off into the air somewhere. For some unknown reason, rather than just report the blighter to the teachers, Perry decided to risk life and limb and lept onto the broomstick. No sooner had he done this, than the broomstick turned into some computer generated imagery and he was flying through the air. After the snotch the broom raced. Perry just held on the best he could while the broomstick wobbled all over the sky. Perry couldn't call it a pleasant ride, after all, he did have a wooden stick between his legs, which cause insurmountable amounts of pain everytime it decided to ascend or descend without warning. CRUNCH! 'OUCH!' CRUNCH! 'OUCH!' The commotion attracted the attention of other students in other classes who were amzed at Perry's natural ability to withstand such a ball crunching. By the time Perry had caught the snotch and returned the the ground, the head of Grizzleydore was on the ground to meet him and offer him a position in the houses Queeritch team. 'Oh, by the way,' the house captain said. 'You might need this ointment later on.' 'What's that for?' asked Perry. 'Don't worry, you'll know!' As Perry and Von were later lying in bed discussing the days events, Perry did in fact realise what it was for when the swelling and pain started to occur. It was luck that Von was there to quickly apply the ointment for his dear friend. 'Oh no, Von! I think it's swelling even more!' exclaimed Perry. 'Don't worry, Perry. I'll just keep rubbing it in.' Both boys were amazed at how well the magic ointment worked, as it magically multiplied into an enourmous amount of ointment and the swelling did disappear almost instantaneously.

28 May, 2006

A Little Bit About What's Happening In My Brain Tonight.

It's now 10:39 PM, and this posting has sat here blank for the last four hours and twelve minutes. It's one of those nights where I've chosen not to follow on with the Perry Pooter story, as it appears very few people are active on the blogsphere this weekend, and I thought I'd write something else up instead for people to read. Then, I started to read Kafka's 'The Metamorphosis', and got half way through and got bored, and decided to go read up a little about existentialists like Sartre and that, then thought, why don't I go back to doing my Arts Degree (where I was hoping to study some in depth Philosophy and stuff), and then I started thinking about some other stuff ... mainly the 'philosophy in religion' thing versus the 'philosophy versus religion' thing. Lets face it, it's sometimes interesting to see how some philosophers [for example Nietzsche], thought that philosophy woul do away with religion, while others [for example Kierkegaard], used philosophy as an augmentation to religion. As I sat thinking through this all, I realised that about 99% of all my deep thoughts never get put down on paper (let alone in type). I know some people will jump for joy, as it means I won't be melting their brain with something they can't be bothered trying to get their heads around. I always start to get sort of philisophical when I start pondering life. After all, philosophy (in it's true meaning) is all about improving peoples lives. [As opposed to the more loose meanings people give to things]. A lot of people get confused between 'wisdom literature' and 'philosophy' as well. Too many get caught up in the 'rules' as well. I think I could safely say that philosophers like Senneca believed we should think our way through our problems. There wasn't so many hard and fast rules, as much as there was an idea of using logic to arrive at the right place. Unfortunately, some people find it very difficult to think logically. Give them a simple logic problem, say a 'who dunnit' mystery, and they are likely to arrive at the wrong conclusion. Due to this, people obviously realised that not everyone was capable of using logic to solve their problems. I guess in a way this is where philosophy had a small falling down. Of course, the existentialists actually embraced this problem. They concluded that life was so rich and complex, that no one could actually sit down and successfully think their way through every problem successfully, no matter how logical or intelligent they were. Let's call it, part of the human condition, for want of a better term at the moment. Of course, the inability to think our way through every situation was a problem, but the existentialists also thought that for every decision there were negative consequences. So, even making the 'right choice' would lead to some form of suffering. So, where do we go from there? We can't remove the uncertainty of life (not even if we lock ourselves away in a cave somewhere, as the cave might collapse on us), and we can't ignore the repercussions of uncertainty, as that would lead to a lack of planning, and as such disasters. Of course, the ANTI-RELIGIONISTS tried to remove the religious aspects from their lives (and in some cases tried to remove it from others). It's not that they denied faith, because after all, even a belief in anything non-religious often requires some faith. [Like, when you have faith your car brakes will work. Yeah, sure, they may not work, but you wouldn't have got into the car without soem faith that they would work]. The RELIGIONISTS of course try to keep aspects of religion within their framework of philosophy. In fact, some religions are very ,much dependant on their philosophical beginnings. At the end of the day however, both religion and philosophy often try to answer the questions of 'why are we alive'? or 'What is my reason for being?' I used the word 'often' in the last sentence, as it isn't always the way though. Some religions and philosophies come to the conclusion that there isn't any hard or fast reason to our existence. The very question of 'What is my purpose for being on Earth?' is considered moot, or is answered with a resounding, 'How the frig would I know, I'm just your brain!' This then plows us headlong into the proverbial debate about 'free will' and 'predestination', and the other groups who believe in both. I've previously discussed a proof for both that I often use, and you can go digging through my archives for it. :-) I'm not about to embark on that discussion. However, getting back to the question of 'What is my purpose on earth?' in relation to the free-will, pre-destination thing, we can conclude a few things. Some, including some Athiests, have a very distinct belief that their life has a higher purpose than just being here on the planet using valuable oxygen that the rest of the animals could be breathing. In the case of the theists of that peruasion, they will however find that purpose related in the diety or dieties of their particular faith. The other group, who answer the question with a 'there is no reason for us being here, we really are using up valuable oxygen,' then fall into two distinct groups. [Might be more, but let me concentrate on these two]. First, the existentialists, who believe that WE are 100% in charge of giving our lives meaning. The other group are basically the Nihilists, for whom life will never ever have any meaning, and you can't even create one regardless of how hard you try. In a way, both of these groups are either side of the same coin. The coin being the 'there is no reason for us to be here.' In one case, the Existentialists choose a more pleasant path, where one can make meaning for themselves, while the Nihilist chooses a path which is darker and basically believes their is no morality for people to be accountable to. The Nihilist basically says, 'There is no meaning, and never will be any meaning to life, so why bother trying to give yourself one?' The existentialist on the other hand says,' There is no meaning for life, BUT you can choose your path in life and can give it meaning. You can be the hero of your life and can make something of it, whether it is to be famous or infamous will come down to the individual.' It's now 11:20 PM. I hope I haven't babbled on too much for the last forty minutes, and I hope that stream of words is helpful to someone somewhere in life. :-)

27 May, 2006

Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part Two

Perry awoke in the train. He had a spliting headache and a blood nose. The magic must have worked, as he'd obviously arrived safely on Platform nine and three quarters, even if he didn't remember anything between hitting the wall and awaking. There were two others in the compartment with him. One was a red headed boy who was eating a lot of magical sweets. The other was a young lass. 'I'm Hernia Groinger,' said the young lass thrusting out a hand. Perry assumed the other boy liked her, as a chocolate frog lept from his lap into his mouth. 'Hi,' siad the boy while chewing on the frog. 'I'm Von Sleasley.' 'Um, hi,' Said Perry trying to sit up straight. 'I'm Perry Pooter.' 'Not THE Perry Pooter,' said Hernia. Oh gees, thought Perry. Here we go again. Ten minutes later, after Von and Hernia and half the kids in the rest of the carriages compartments had raced in to see the 'famous Perry Pooter', he was able to reply in the affermative. After a long trip, which consisted of more people coming to see the well known 'Perry Pooter' and all, they arrived at Groundhogs. They were met at the station by Fartrid, who had somehow magically got their before the rest of the students by taking the express train which left half an hour before the Groundhogs Train on platform nine. 'Welcome to Hog ... um, I mean Groundhogs. Follow me Children,' said Fartrid. And like mindless dumplings all the children followed him. H Fartrid was delighted he hadn't resorted to the enchanted pipe he had to use last time. There was disasterous concequences when had attracted large rats that ate half the children. They arrived at Groundhogs and were ushered into a large hall to be sorted into houses. While waiting a lot of ghosts and vultures flew around the room. 'Oh look,' cried Hernia. 'That must be Sir John Thomas the almost headless.' 'What's she mean by almost headless?' asked Von. 'Ah, that's a long story,' said Sir John as he popped up through the middle of the table. 'It involved an accident during my circumcission operation.' 'And they almost decapitated you?' asked Von. 'Ah, in a manner of speaking, yes,' said Sir John as he flew off to join the other ghosts zooming overhead. Dumblebum walked to the front of the hall, and in a booming voice called out, 'Welcome to Groundhogs.' 'Listen up children,' said Professor Mynerveshave McGonnalot. 'In my hand is the sorting hat. When I call your name, you will come up here, and I will place the hat on your head. The hat will read yoru phyche and decide which house we will place you in. First, Dean Thomas!' A tall black youth walked up to the front and sat on the big chair. McGonnalot placed the hat upon his head. 'Hmmmm, tasty,' said the hat, and before McGonnalot could grab the hat, the hat had swallowed Dean Thomas whole, never to be seen again. [Yes, that's a reference to some missing text in the real book!] :-) Next is Dragqueen Malfort. Draco approached the seat with a litle trepidation. 'Hurry up boy, we don't have all day!' screamed McGonnalot. 'But the hat might eat me,' quivered Malfort. 'Don't be stupid,' said the hat. 'I've already eaten. I'm quite full!' Malfort sat downa nd McGonnalot lowered the hat. 'Hmmm, tasty,' said the hat, and Malfort shot off the chair. 'I'm just messing with you,' said the hat. Malfort sat down again. 'Still,' continued the hat. 'You are quite tasty. Hmmm, I think I know where to put you. SNIVELLING!!' There was a great cheer, especially from the house of Snivelling, as they had a new freshman to treat like crap. All the freshmen cheered as well, thinking it was good not to be eaten. At Groundhogs, there were four houses. Each house had a specific characteristic. Snivelling's characteristic was that it was a bunch of whingers who hated to lose. As such, they often cheated, lied and used all sort of ruses in order to win or do good. When things don't go their way, they complain andpretend like they've been cheated. Slavenmore was where the studious students went. Basically, they were a bunch of nerds who would likely never have any friends and would spend more time in the library than watching television or getting laid. Grizzleydore was where the bravest went. This was because the houses founder Goshric Grizzleydore ahd been eaten by a grizzley bear while trying to get a snap shot for his blog. Actually, when they say it's for the bravest, what they really men is people too stupid to realise they are in grave danger. The last house was Hoofapoof. This was for those who were to socially lame to make it into the other three houses. To scared to whinge their way into Snivelling, too stupid to make their way into Slavenmore, too cautious to be in Grizzleydore and generally a bunch of blouse wearing bedwetters. 'Next student. Perry Pooter,' called McGonnalot. Perry approached the big chair, and all the students in the great hall try to see him as he apprached the chair. Perry sat down and McGonnalot lowered the hat onto Perry's head. '"Hmmm,' said the hat. 'You're not using an anti-dandruff shampoo I can see. Have you tried DragonPoo Shampoo? It's what I use, and look how bright and shiney my hair is.' The hat swished itself and long blond locks appeared from nowhere, shiney and moving through the air in slow motion. 'That's enough hat,' said McGonnalot. 'You're supposed to be sorting him, not advertising a company you own shares in.' 'Grrr,' grumbled the hat. 'Let's see, this is going to be hard to sort.' 'Because I'm so complex?' asked Perry. 'No', said the hat. 'Because your cranium is twice as thick as most people. Hmmm, maybe Snivelling.' 'Oh no, not Snivelling,' said Perry. 'Not Snivelling, eh? Think of the advantages. You could buy cheat notes cheaply, squeal like a pig when you don't get your own way, and brown nose your way into a managerial position in most blue chip companies. You might even become a politician and have a position up the American Presidents butt.' 'No, please, not the American Presidents butt!' 'Okay then. Not Snivelling. Hmmmm, you wear big nerdy glasses, and you're an abject bedwetter, but I think I know where you belong! GRIZZLEYDORE!' The Room erupted in cheers and applause. 'Von Sleasley,' called out McGonnalot. 'Hmmm,' said the hat as Von sat down. 'Already smuggled illegal drugs into the school, and has a large collection of internet porn. That's very brave! GRIZZLEYDORE!' Von returned to his seat very happy, not realising that Dumblebum had already raced to Von's room in order to cease Von's porn for his very own viewing pleasure. 'Hernia Groinger!' Hernia made he way to the hat. 'Hmm,' said the hat. 'I know a lot of people will wonder how you've got into the house I'm placing you. It seems totally out of character, but I know all your secrets. Grizzleydore.' 'How did you make it into Grizzleydore?' asked Von. 'It's supposed to be for brave people who bend the rules.' Herenia just kicked him between the legs under the table and acted as though nothing had happened. The hat spotted it and smiled knowingly to itself. 'Okay,' said the Grizzleydore house captain. 'As I take you up the stairs to our rooms, remember to be very careful. The stairs have a habbit of moving a lot, and sometimes students have been known to fall to their deaths.' 'Wow!' said Von. 'Magic staircases!' 'No,' said the house captain. 'Just badly maintained ones. Oh, and don't use the elevator either, they're worse than the stairs.' As he said this screams from an elevator shaft raced past as several students plummeted to their untimely deaths. 'See,' said the house captain. 'I told ya!' TO BE CONTINUED!

26 May, 2006

Harry Potter (Dabido Style) - Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part One

If you want to add to the list, just leave a message in the comment box. List of things to blog about:
  1. Harry Potter send up - I'll do Part One Today!
  2. Hobbit Send up
  3. Wuthering Heights send up
  4. Da Vinci Code (Though I've neither read the book, nor seen the movie, but I'll do something with this!) :-)
Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part One A large vulture swooped into the street in Little Whinger, Surrey. In it's talons it carried a magical letter addressed to Perry Pooter. The magical letter was in fact an invitation to visit Groundhogs, a boarding school for wizards, witches and bedwetters. Many magical letters were constantly being delivered to Perry Pooters house, where he lived with his really nice non-magical Aunt and Uncle and cousin Dougle. For some reason, Perry prefered to live under the stairs, where he kept a stash of porn magazines and had drilled a hole so as able to see up ladies skirts when they used the stairs. Of course, the head of the Boarding School, Professor Allbutt Dumblebum didn't know this, and thought the Aunt and Uncle were in fact mistreating Perry by forcing him to live under the stairs. With this in mind, Dumblebum sent his good friend and Groundhogs grounds keeper Rupert Fartrid to collect Perry and bring him to the school. Now Perry was a very special sort of wizard. He was in fact very famous in the magic community, as he'd survived an attack by the all mighty Voltagemore. Voltagemore had been the most powerful wizard who had ever lived, and had also invented cold fusion and played in a death metal rock band. He had attacked Perry and his two parents, as he just really hated them playing their Kylie Monogue records up full blast. Even though Volategmore actually lived two suburbs away, he could still here the records being played. That's how loud it was. So, Voltagemore had wandered over to their house and smashed their Kylie collection with a large sledgehammer. Unfortunately, while trying to stop him, Perry's parents had placed themselves in Voltagemore's backswing and got hit in the head. A piece of one of Kylies CDs also splintered off, hitting Perry fair square in the head, causing a strange triangle scare above his right eye. It was lucky Perry was wearing safety goggles at the time, as he might have got hit in the eye. Perry would often rub the scare with his hand wondering why he had the urge to do the locomotion. It was a few days before Perry's eleventh birthday that Fartrid kicked open the door to the house. He went to the door to the stairs and opened it, upon whcih he found Perry picking his nose. If Fartrid had not arrived in time, Perry probably would have put his finger in his mouth. 'Ah, if it isn't Perry Pooter. Didn't you get any of the invitations to attend Groundhogs?' 'You mean those letters that arrived with vulture poo all over them?' 'Yes, the very same.' 'Yeah, but they were hard to read. Do you know how much poo a vulture does? Why can't you just send them via the normal postal service?' 'Well Perry, first of all ... um ... er ... it's too expensive.' 'Expensive? You're telling me a twenty pence stamp costs more than feeding and training a bunch of vultures?' 'Um, er ... you can bring that up with Dumblebum at the next school council. In the meantime, I have orders to bring you to Groundhogs.' 'But I don't want to go. I like reading the porn magazines I've shoplifted over the years.' 'I'm sorry Perry, but as a minor you don't have a say. You're coming with me.' 'Isn't this akin to kidnapping?' asked Perry's Uncle, Jam Pooter. Fartrid just hit him over the head knocking him out. Aunt Riry and Dougle were very scared and upset. Fartrid picked up Perry and dragged him screamin and kicking out the door. 'I'm being kidnapped! Call the police!' Perry screamed as Fartrid dragged him away. The neighbours didn't do a thing, because that's how society is now a days. No one lifts a finger to save anyone. Fartrid took Perry to a magical alley. Well, it wasn't so much magical, as much as it was a place with an oeuvra all it's own. It was here that Perry gathered supplies he was going to need for school. 'One magical wand,' said Fartrid as he lead Perry into a shop with 'Magical Wands' written above it. 'So, this is the famous Perry Pooter,' said the man behind the counter. 'Ah, that it is,' replied Fartrid. 'The famous Perry Pooter.' 'Yes, yes, the famous Perry Pooter.' 'Ah, yes, Famous he is. The famous Perry Pooter.' This continued for ten minutes. In fact, everytime Perry met someone a similar conversation ensued where the person would be intrigued andsay his name over and over with the word 'famous' bandied about as though it was more useful than the word 'the'. 'Here,' said the shop clerk eventually. 'We need to get you a wand.' 'Duh,' replied Perry, who had practically fallen asleep during the conversation. 'Now, I find a wand normally chooses the magician and not the other way around.' 'What's that mean?' asked Perry. 'Well, you do a little test. You stick it in your ear and if it doesn't go through your eardrum, then it's your wand. Of course, you can really only get it wrong once.' 'I've never heard of anything moe stupid in all my life!' exlaimed Perry. 'Well, it's worked well for magicians who do the same thing with cigarettes ad pencils for years. You can also make them come out your nose too you know!' 'Just hand me a wand!' said Perry. 'Let me see,' said the shop clerk, and he thought long and hard. 'Ah yes, this one should do.' The clerk stood on a ladder and shot across the room to a group of boxes on a high shelf. He picked up a box containing a wand which had Staedler 9B written on it. He handed it to Perry, who gave him an incredulous look. 'Well,' said the shop clerk. 'Stick it in your ear and see if it pokes through your eardrum!' Perry just waved it around a little and a man standing outside was transported to the moon, where he subsequently died from the lack of oxygen and landed face down on a golf ball. 'Hmm, not that one I suspect,' said the clerk as he shot across the room to another group of boxes and another group of wands. This one had Castell 7H written on it. He handed it to Perry. Perry waved it around a little. Outside a Marilyn Monroe impersonator had her hair fall out and Clark Gable a moustach grew on her face. 'Hmm, not that one either,' said the clerk. Another wand was produced formanother high shelf, and Perry waved it around a little. Absolutely nothing happened. 'What's this one called?' asked Perry. 'A stick,' said the clerk. 'It's a lot safer than giving you an actual wand. Curious though, that Lord Voltagemore also uses a stick, only his is usally called a Baseball Bat. This stick is the brother to that one.' 'What's mine called?' 'Cricket bat.' 'Kewl!' With that, Fartrid took Perry to the train station. ' Now look Perry,' Fartrid said. ' The magical train to Groundhogs leaves on platform number 9 and three quarters. You have to run at that brick wall as hard as you can in order to get into there.' So Perry ran as harde as he could and smacked into the wall knocking himself out immediately. Fartrid had a good laugh as he wandered off. 'Ah,' Fatrid chuckled to himself. 'It never amazes me how often that one works on the new kids!' PART TWO TOMORROW.

25 May, 2006

Phone Call From A Friend

You know, sometimes you lose track of time and everything. You get caught up in your business, your reading of blogs, and basically other trivial things. So it was, that about six months or more past between when I last spoke to my friend Kat. So, Kat phoned me. She's still in Sydney. I'm here in Perth. Apparently, no one in Sydney knows what happened to me, as I haven't sent many things that way since October/November. It was like I'd fallen off the face of the planet to them. So, she called. We talked about the usual things. She asked if I wanted to go back and work as a programmer, or even work from Perth as a programmer. She needed a programmer, someone who could program in PICK, and she thought it should be me. They're very short of programmers. No, I have other plans. I don't want to return to work for a company that treated me so bad. 'That's right,' she reminded me. I knew way too many of managements secrets. Management finds me scarey. Still, she thought they should employ me though. She thought they should give me some work, as she was being over worked, and she needed a programmer. She needed one bad! Tell me about it! I used to work there. Do I need a better reason not to return to being overworked and paid in pennies? Anyway, we kept talking, and she was very concerned that I STILL don't have a GF. I'm about to turn forty one, and I'm still being ultra picky and refusing to just date anyone. In fact, as our conversation turned to science, and I excitedly started explaining something about Einsteins theory of relativity compared to Newtons law of Gravity, she said, 'Do you talk to girls like that?' 'Um ... er ... not when I'm trying to pick them up.' 'Good, because if you start talking to girls like that, they're going to walk off. That's why you don't have a girlfriend. Girls don't want a guy who talks over their head.' 'I was talking over your head?' 'Yes!' 'Oh, sorry. I didn't realise that.' She went on to explain that she thinks I need to go out to a pub and just walk up to a girl. 'Um, yeah, but what would I say?' 'Just say "Hello", that's what I did to get C.J.' [C.J. is her BF] 'But, what if I go to a University Library and start talking to an intelligent girl who likes to talk about relativity?' 'Why would you want a girl like that?' 'I like smart girls.' 'Well, maybe that's what you need to do. But gees man, you've got to get out there and get a girl.' 'Why? I'm not in a rush. I've got time.' 'David, you're about to turn forty one! Just go pick up a girl.' 'But I haven't found a girl.' 'Yeah, you know why? We all thought you went to England! I know you, you'll never find a girl you like in Australia. You HAVE to go overseas! Why didn't you go?' 'Because I started my business.' 'Well, take your money and GO! Dont' wait for the girls to come to you! Just GO! Go!GO!!!' 'But, I can't. I have my business!' 'David, you're not listening. You don't want a girl in Australia, so you have to go overseas! So why are yo here? Do you have ANY girls you are interested in at all?' 'Well, yeah, they're all overseas though.' 'YES! So why are you here? Go to where they are! Close your business and GO!' 'But, if I close the business, then I have no job! I can't move to another country and starve just to get a girl friend!' Anyway, the conversation continued. She gave two reasons that she thought I ought to have a GF. First, she said I was handsome. [Yeah, old and fat sort of handsome! lol I gues sin ten years tie I'll look back at my photos and think I wasn't as bad as I think I ma now! lol] Anyway, she made me blush at that. Second, she said I wa a really nice guy! Well, that also made me blush, but, I've never known a guy to get a GF because he was a nice guy. Normally it's the opposite. I think I've blogged on it before, b@st@rds have better success at getting the girls, and they treat them bad, and the girls just keep going back for more. Always trying to change the guy into something they're never going to be. But, like I kept telling her, I'm not in a rush. Yes, I'm getting older, but I don't see that as a reason to just date the first girl who decides to go out with me. At the end of the night though, after talking for about three hours, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had a friend who thought I was very deserving of a nice GF, who also told me I was nice and handsome. Not everyday someone says that to you! It made my night. Only thing I really need to do is avoid discussing anything interesting like quantum physics, relativity, et hoc genus omne with any girls I like. BUT, who do I really like? Sure, there are some girls I like , and they are all overseas, but that isn't a good enough reason to hook up with them. Not till I meet them at least. I am actually very much at peace with myself at the moment. I don't actually feel the NEED to have a GF just for the sake of having a GF. The GF thing is in the want category, and not the need category. [Where does that place her on Mo's heirarchy of needs?] So, it's sort of funny, as my friends are concerned I'm never going to get a GF. My mother and family are concerned. [When they're not calling me gay in some underhanded fashion]. So, why is it they all feel a great NEED to have me get a GF? It's funny, it's nice & sweet of them all ... but, it doesn't create the want in me. Lets face it, I love talking science sometimes, other times I like talking art. I'm interested in almost everything, and I've accepted the fact that I'm never going to get a GF who can talk abut all those things. I do like the good old deep and meaningful conversation, as well as the deep intellectual discussion ... you don't have to have a degree to do either of them, you just have to have a bit of intelligence and a willingness to disuss. Anyway, that phone call made my night! :-) I'm pretty happy after that! :-)

From Paul's Blog

I am 13% Idiot. Friggin Genius
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

T'ree T'ing Meme

3 Things meme

I got tagged by Midnite Lily.

THREE PEOPLE TO TAG 1. Ashish 2. Suan 3. Paul, as I think he's looking for content! :-)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY 1. David 2. Dabido 3. Bear

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF 1. I still have arms 2. My eyes still work 3. My tongue still works

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF 1. My belly/tummy/stomach [that's three ... right?] 2. My allergic reactions (I guess that's an immun esystem gone wrong) 3. My stomach [inside bit of it which likes to bleed a lot]

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE 1. Caucasian - Scotish/English/Irish/Danish/Dutch 2. Black [not sure where it's from ... possibly Jewish, Egyptian or something!] 3. Asian [Chinese / Vietnamese]


Sorry Zona, didn't realise it had more attached! Baka Bodoh Dabido!!! lol

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND 1. Being called Dave 2. Lying Politicians (Yes, that's all of them!!) 3. Bad Drivers (Both on the road and on my computer!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU 1. Women 2. Men 3. Men who dress as women

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS 1. Futurama 2. American Dad 3. Glasshouse

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE JAPANESE ANIMES 1. Slayers 2. Samurai X (aka Kenshin) 3. Robotech

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS 1. Everyone's a winner - Hot Chocolate 2. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls 3. Careful with that Axe Eugene - Pink Floyd

THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN 1. A Clockwork Orange 2. The Big Sleep 3. Pulp Fiction

THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH 1. Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest 2. Team America 3. Simpsons Movie


THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW 1. Black Jeans 2. Black Boxer Shorts 3. Black Jumper [Could also have said, Black socks, black shoes and black shirt ... anyone guess what I'm wearing tomorrow?] :-)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP 1. Intelligent Partner [someone I can talk to] 2. Love 3. Good Sex :-) [I'm such a guy!!!]

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEAL TO YOU 1. Nice Shaped Butts 2. Nice Pretty Face 3. Nice Smile [Could add, functioning brain ... no wonder I'm not into blondes! Bwahahahaa!]

THREE BAD HABITS 1. Brain Goes on Holidays 2. Talking excitedly about things which apparently go completely over peoples heads. 3. Forgetting how the joke goes that I happen to be telling at the time!

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES 1. Music (Playing Guitar, etc) 2. Art (Painting Drawing) 3. Writing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW 1. Fly to some other country 2. Drink a Red Bull 3. Play Guitar with a band


THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION 1. Italy (Florence in Particular) 2. Japan 3. Anywhere that's not Perth. [Maybe Sydney to see my friends!]

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE 1. Sara 2. Alex 3. Erika

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1. Marry a Japanese Girl [well, any asian female willing to sign a piece of paper saying she is Japanese] :-) 2. Become a Millionaire 3. Save the World

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL/GUY 1. I think about sex often 2. If I was to have sex my IQ would double from being plugged into a genius! :-) 3. I can't multi-task

INITIALS OF THREE CRUSHES 1. SC 2. SC [Differnet one] 3. MW

24 May, 2006

Five Questions From Ashish

Official List of stuff for me to write about now stands at:
  1. Harry Potter send up
  2. Hobbit Send up
  3. Wuthering Heights send up
  4. Da Vinci Code (Though I've neither read the book, nor seen the movie, but I'll do something with this!) :-)
I should point out that the rule for this is I get given a topic and can write anything on it I like as per the old version of the game. :-) It doesn't have to be send ups of stuff ... just hand me a subject ... anything. I'll make it up as I go along! :-) So keep those subjects coming in. I'll get to them eventually ... so if the Da Vinci Code doesn't resemble the book or the film (as I haven't seen either), then you will know why. Five Questions From Ashish 1. If you were given 24 hours to be either George Bush or Osama Bin Laden, whom would you be? Well, given that Osama is in a cave somewhere on a dialysis machine and George is in the US in charge of a heap of underlings living in luxury, that's a no brainer. But, I'll tell you what I would do if I could split 12 hours between them. a. I'd take on the role of GW Bush, and give Monica a call and proposition her. I'd then hire a prostitute, take her up in Airforce One and video it and put it on the internet. That should be enough to get him impeached a little. THEN, over to Osama's body where I'd do this: b. Order all his men to surrender to the US. I'd write a written apology to the world stating that it is wrong to kill people in the name of religion. Then, I'd go surrender myself. [And maybe get a better machine to keep me alive ina US prison]. Let's face it, those guys are two sides of the same coin! Lets get rid of both. :-) 2. If you are given the opportunity to become the Prime Minister of Australia, what would be your first decision? Get rid of mandatory detention for assylum seekers. [I think this is similar to one of the five questions I had before]. ALSO, I'd reverse a lot of the laws which allow the Government to arrest people and hold them without a charge. 3. If you were given $200,000 to go to hell or $10 to stay on earth which one would you choose and why? Um ... depends on how long the trip is for. $200,000 to go to hell for eternity is not enough [actually, NO AMOUNT of money to go to hell is enough], so I'd take the ten dollars. 4. Imagine you are God and creating a world. What species would you create as the ultimate rulers of the planet? Describe. Ameobas. They're only one celled organisms, so won't be building any nuclear weapons in the near future! :-) Everyone's safe! :-) 5. Would you choose Bungie jumping 17,000 ft above in air or prefer to go shopping with your mother? Why? If the Bungie Jump comes with a parachute I'd do that. I've aleady done skydiving before, so a bungie jump that high up would be fun, though I don't like the idea of bungie jumping much as it can damage peoples backs ... but it'd still beat shopping with my mother. :-)
As per the rule 4 ... here are the rules: The Official Interview Game Rules (copied to be passed on) 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.” 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. 3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

23 May, 2006

Burning Bridges

A slightly more serious post today, mainly as Squidocious suggested I place this comment from FStress site as a post. I think it's a good idea as well ... so here it is. Slightly re-written (but not much) just to get it into a little context. PLUS, List of things to write about so far stands at 3:
  1. Harry Potter send up
  2. Hobbit Send up
  3. Wuthering Heights send up
As per the last two days, you can either suggest something else for me to add to my list, or ask me five questions (as per the game, and I ask you five in return!) :-) BURNING BRIDGES For those who missed the comments at FStress page, we had a discussion about whether one should burn bridges or not. In context, it was specifically concerning work related things. I have seen people burn bridges when leaving an office fo a new office, one guy claimed he was a BIG FISH and the rest of us were a lot of little fishes in a little pond. His leaving speach consisted of a lot of underhanded insults that had the basic meaning of 'I am the best' and 'you are a lot of losers'. He obviously believed in his superiority and everything, as a few years later he expected us all to welcome him back with open arms (once he got fired from the company he'd gone to). Imagine his surprise when he tried to get his old job back and the managers said,'No'. He was a little shocked, because after all, in his mind, he was the best thing whcih had ever happened to the company. So, what should someone do when they are confronted by an EVIL manager who has little regard for their underlings? The sort of manager who thinks nothing of walking over people, squashing them down with their heal and trying to crush their spirits? Should we leave in a blaze of glory burning a bridge, knowing we will never return???? It's true that the evil manager has burnt his bridge at hsi end, but that's no reason forthe rest of us to burn the same bridge. One place I worked, one of the managers burnt his bridge badly with me, but he was always asking me if I'd go back and work for him. I always refused politely. So, you see, NOT burning the bridge kept me in good with everyone, but him burning his bridge meant I never had to work under him and put up with his crap again. As Francis Bacon said, 'Knowledge is power', and as Frank Herbert said, 'As soon as you use a power, you lose that power.' In a situation that you burn the bridge with someone who has burnt the bridge with you, you no longer have any power over your decisions. That person can make your life a living hell if you are openly hostile to them. Plus, a lot of people never understand the open hostility. Keeping the knowledge that they have burnt that bridge with you a secret, you can always avoid that person whenever possible without others knowing you are doing so. It also stops them having some sort of extra personal glee that they are torturing you. If you move companies and are working somewhere else, and you end up working with people who are friends of that manager, you have also destroyed your reputation with people you've never worked with before. If you move companies and your new company has dealings with the evil manager, you can also use your position to subvert contracts with the old company. You are in a position to go with another company you'd prefer to work with. As such, you have knowledge you can use and a power over that person that even they don't realise. Open hostile towards people, similar to what GW Bush did in declaring everyone he disliked a member of the Axis of evil often closes the diplomatic door. [Apologies to all American Citizens for that example!] :-) Just remember, a LOT of working life is politics and people networking. Not burning bridges gets you further than burning them, as you would slowly isolate yourself, no matter how good a worker you are. [Look how isolated GW looks most of the time in the eyes of the world.] There is also a possibilty of being THROWN into working with the person again where it cannot be avoided. It's better to be on good terms in order to get things done than to be in a hostile position where they'll try to make you a scapegoat. When I was in Sydney, there were many situations where I ended up working for people who knew other people I'd worked for, or even when I worked with the wife of a guy I'd previously worked with. If you HAVE to burn a bridge, you really have to make sure that you come out looking like a rose at the end of it. That way even the managers friends think you were justified. Often people never see the 'bad side' of their friends, so burning a bridge can lead to people mistakenly thinking you have a personality disorder instead of them seeing what's really happened. It's a matter of chosing the right battle at the right time. Believe me, I've told managers to 'F*ck off!' at the top of my lungs before (which is technically a sackable offence), yet come out looking like a hero in everyones eyes as they all saw it as justified. Not everyone can do that and still retain their job. [And no, I didn't burn that bridge, as the guy apologised to me in private, and I accepted his apology. I also made sure the rest of my colleagues KNEW about the fact he'd apologised. Of course I had a good enough credibility that my work colleagues could believe me when I told them that too]. Like it or not, image is a part of our working life, and if you start burning bridges you begin to get a reputation for being difficult or even a malcontent. It doesn't mean we prostitute ourselves to make ourselves look like corporate whores either. Like I said, I've told Managers to F*ck Off before. I took on the last company I worked for with Lawyers and everthing as well, but, I made sure a lot of bridges never got burned. That is why my last manager in Sydney spent a good two to three years asking for me to return to Sydney to work for his company. Work can be a lot of stupid games and stuff with a lot of stupid managers and workmates we'd prefer not to work with, but at the end of the day, there will always be difficult people somewhere at work. [Some places just seem to collect them though!] Handling difficult people can lead to LOTS of kudos from a lot of other people, and many of those other people can and will remember it when they move higher in the corporate ladder. It's those who remember it and give you due respect who will in turn help you up the corporate ladder. Sometimes that help might come from unexpected places. For Example: At one company I worked for, my immediate manager thought I was the best thing since sliced cheese. The manager next up from him didn't think much of me as he was one of these managers who didn't understand that computers can't read minds. He thought computer could spit out any information you want in the format you want at a touch of a button. (Even less chance of it happening then, as it was prior to the internet). I was forever trying to explain to him that I had to get the computer to do calculations on the raw data, and then format it for the print out before the computer could churn out the information he wanted. He'd alwasy be going, 'No, you just hit a button.' One day I asked him which button I needed to hit to get the information he wanted in the format he wanted. He just gave me an incredulous look and told me that he didn't know and that was what I was supposed to know! Ai Carumba! Anyway, this manager tried to block a payrise my immediate manager had given me. One of the reasons for the payrise, was I'd written a graphing program that my predecessor had spent months trying to write, but couldn't. Our computer department had claimed it was impossible, and an outside company had requested over ten thousand dollars to do it. I sat down and wrote it (while doing my other work) in two weeks. You'd think all the managers would have given me kudos. Alas, not the manager who didn't like me. Fortunately for me, the manager next up from him noticed this guy was trying to take away my pay rise. After all, they'd wanted the program written for years, and I'd done it in my spare time in two weeks. He immediately award me the payrise. This caused the manager who had tried to block it to go off his head and DEMAND that I not get the payrise. In the end, of course I got it. I only knew about this, as my immediate manager had been in the room when it had all occurred. So, in a way it was unexpected, as I never realised that the manager three up from me actually noticed my work. He had, and it paid off. I still didn't burn my bridges with the other manager who didn't like me, because after all, I never knew if I was going to end up working for his allies in the company. Conclusion: Don't burn bridges if you can help it. You never know when you may need that bridge to cross back.

22 May, 2006

Ask Me 5 Questions Already!!!

I'm still looking for more 'give me a topic and I'll write on anything' topics. So far have a request form Ashish to do a Harry Potter send up. Will get to it after the weekend I think, as have so much work on tomorrow and Wednesday. I wasn't sure they were going to let me out of there today! lol ALSO, still looking for anyone brave enough to give me five Questions {as per the game from a year or so ago!}. [I'm looking at YOU Titoki!!! Cause we never swapped five questions a year ago ...] :-) Yes, the rules say I will ask five questions in return ... I guess that's what's scaring everyone! lol Oh, and they asked if I want to apply for the 'Managers Position' coming up today. Worth AUD$55,000 or something. lol Funny, as when they suggested I apply for the position, I asked ,'What is it?', meaning, what's the position entail, and they told me what it earns! lol Guess they think I'm in it for the money! lol Anyway, I'm seriously thinking about it. Would probably mean packin gup the business, but would also mean I could have holidays for once! :-) Weird thing happened today too, I ran into my business mentor while getting lunch! WOW! And he's going to phone me for a meeting later this week. Apparently, he's moving to a different company, and I am possibly going to be assigned a new mentor! WOW! People moving! Had a good talk to him and everything, actually thought he was going to tell me that he was going to retire or something! lol My mother was being a bit of an idiot tonight. She'd say something, and if I corrected her she'd pretend that was waht she was saying, or she'd pretend I was claiming something wasn't so. It all started when we had a discussion about diet (as she'd seen something on TV about it), and I reminded her I'd told her about that three or so years ago ... and so she and my brother kept talking over me as I was trying to explain it, and she pretended that I was being argumentative on purpose and not listening to her, and walked off in a huff ... grrrrr! I hate when that happens. I'm sure my family are 50% crazy, 49% insane and the other 1% has run away scared. :-)

Some of us are tired and going to bed soon!

Posted last nights post at 2AM or something (well,was about 2AM by the time I finished). The most difficult thing was, I thought of the story at about 8AM, but as we were looking after my nephews and stuff I didn't get on-line till late ... and then eventually got to write the thing, spelling mistakes and all! [Apologies to all those blogs I didn't comment on ... I read most of them, but was too tired!] Anyway, I'd been planning to write a morality/warning type thing for a while ... and it came out as a comedy ... and the 'black twin being taller than the white twin' thing was based on an old joke about two guys who couldn't tell their horses apart (yeah, totally unoriginal I know ... ), but the point pivoted around assumptions ... and let's face it, this silly story was obviously set somewhere with purple, green, blue, white and black people ... who would have thunk it! :-) But, seems to have gotten no reaction! lol I was sort of falling asleep while I was writing it ... hope that didn't make too much difference to the story ... but might have! lol I'll have to re-read it and edit it ... just no time to do that till Thursday I think! [Darn work!] Anyway, my hit count sky rocketed this week to about 50 hits per day!!!! [51 visitors with a total of 65 page views per day to be exact! w00t!] I suspect it had something to do with the LOTR send up. [I could be wrong]. So, I expect the hit count to decline rapidly as people realise there can't be a sequel ... that's right, no 'LOTR II - Return of Gollum'. Well, not yet. [You know, now that I've thought of it, it might just happen! lol] Another thing I was planning that might be special is a secret, so not sure whether to do it yet or not. Was planning on having a prize or two ... then decided maybe I shouldn't do it. lol Now you're probably curious as to what it was ... I can't help myself, I have too many ideas. Beleive it or not, when I woke up yesterday morning (with the Twin Tale in my head), I have abotu twenty different ideas I wanted to run with. Most of them I've now forgotten ... let's faceit, I'm one of these people who can't get everything down on paper quick enough ... and with the nephews here, I didn't have tiem to get anything down! Grrrr! lol I started on a Send Up of the Finnish Epic Poem Kavevala, but then thought, what if someone from Finland took it as an insult, after all, it is sort of their National Pride and full of their traditional myths. Not that I got through it, so nothing to post anyway. It's a pity most of the cultures from Scandinavia etc didn't have much writing, as I've always liked reading the Viking tales and Norse myths etc. So, none of those being sent up in the near future ... [but maybe some viking stuff possible later on].
Anyway, what have I been up to? Well, was mucking about with a lot of computer art stuff concerning misc things ... nothing exciting enough to post here. Just mainly inventing counters for games my brother Jeff and I want to create and play test etc. [Yes counters ... I'm talking board game shere, not computer ones]. :-) Looked after the nephews and stuff yesterday. My sister proudly announced that she'd bought my B'Day present the other day and it wasn't something on my list, but she claimed I would love it. I'm a little wary of people saying that, I normally find I unwrap the present and go 'um ... er ... ah ... thanks'. It's not that I'm ungrateful, just inspite of my tastes being rather obvious, people still manage to get things completely wrong. In fact, in the past I've been down right INSULTED by some of the things people have said I would 'love' and that were supposedly 'Me'. But, I'll wait and see. Sometimes, people do in fact get things 100% right ... so, benefit of the doubt till I unwrap it and go, 'um ... er ... ah ... thanks'. :-) I have a sneaking suspision the present might have something to do with Japan or Futurama ... in which case my sister may have done well. Played 'King Maker' against my brother Jeff. Was okay. I won ... but, you expect that from me! I tried to give him some hints, but he wanted to work it out himself ... maybe next time he'll listen. My mother was watching the football, and kept screaming for her team over the top of me trying to explain some of the rules to Jeff. It was quite annoying! Grrrr! The thing I find with Kingmaker though, is you really have to be opportunistic. Even though I often had plans to do one thing or another, when events caused certain things to suddenly landed in my lap, I just went with it. I think that flexibility lead to me winning the game by having enough votes in the House of Commons and House of Lords to actually VOTE Henry the IV in as rightfull King of England. [Geees, imagine if you didn't know I was talking about a game and you heard me say that! lol] I'm tempted to do another 'give me a topic and I'll write on anything' type thing again. OR, who wants to give me five Questions {as per the game from a year or so ago!}. YEAH, it means I will ask you five questions in return ... or something ... lol I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed! :-)

21 May, 2006

A Tale of Two Twins!

Once, there were two brothers, and they were twins. One was named Henry, and the other was named Zaphire. They lived in a Kingdom, where a beautiful princess lived. One day, as the Princess was passing (her name was Jade, just in case you were going to ask), Henry and Zaphire saw her and fell madly in love with her. Both would talk about her incessantly and they decided that one day one of them should marry her. As life would have it, this would never happen, as a strange incident occurred. The King was on his rounds, and decided to drop into his daughters room to see how she was doing. As he entered the room, a strange young man left the room. The King knew he was strange, as he wasn't wearing any clothes. In fact, he did have a large bundle of clothes, but he was holding them in front of him, and the King could clearly see his bottom and everything. Having not seen the mans face, the King decided to call his guards. The guards gathered and went in search of this strange man. It did not take long {about four weeks} before the King realised that maybe a little hanky panky had been going on behind his back with this man and his daughter. Luckily, one of the guards had seen the man leaping over the wall. The guard did not know the man personally, but he did know the man was a twin. So, off into the city the guards went, and they grabbed Henry and Zaphire and brought them to the King. 'Which of these two men was it that came and seduced you, my daughter?' he asked the Princess. 'I am unsure father, because after all, they are twins.' This was true, and it stumped the King no end. He then decided that the best thing to do, was to take the twins to the dungeon and torture them to get a confession. Alas, it was discovered that both of the twins admitted to the crime. As the incident had only happened once (as the King had posted extra guards), it could only have been one of them, so the King knew immediately that some other method was needed to see who they were. The King called for his wise men, 'Wise men,' he said. 'I need to know which of these two twins seduced my daughter and de-flowered her. How can we find the one who is telling the truth?' 'Well,' said Shaliwoodle (one of the wisemen). 'As you yourself saw the man naked from behind, I suggest we strip both of them down and have you look at them.' So, the guards brought the men to the King, turned them so their backs faced the King, and striped them of their clothes. Alas the King did not know which of them did it as they looked the same to him. 'I have an idea,' said Gabbogglewoggle (another wiseman). 'How about if your daughter has a good look at each of them, as she obviously saw the man naked.' So it was that the King had the Princess come in and examine both of the twins. Alas, she also could not tell them apart. The King decided to execute them both just to make sure that the guilty party was killed. He gave them a week to see if one of them would admit he had lied to begin with, if so, the innocent one would be spared. Alas, neither twin would renounce his confession. After the execution Ooooglebottle (the coffin maker), meassured the height of the two twins in order to make their coffins. He discovered that Henry the black twin, was in fact a foot taller than Zaphire the white twin! It amazed the entire kingdom. You might be very sad at hearing that tale, but there is a moral to the story, you see, neither brother wanted to see his twin executed, so they both confessed to the deed. There was only one problem with this, Princess Jade was in fact seeing a twin, but it wasn't either Henry or Zaphire. It was in fact Zonk, who had a twin brother Zarkou. These brothers were a lot easy for the Princess to tell apart, as Zonk, the blue one had three arms, while Zarkou the green one had eight tenticles. During all the commotion of the King trying to get a confession, Princess jade ran off with Zonk to live happily ever after. So there was in fact a happy ending of sorts. Just remember, it's amazing how many people quite often miss the obvious and end up executing the wrong people. It's also amazing how many people will lie because they think they are doing the right thing. It's also amazing to see a blue three armed alien humping a purple six breasted Princess ... but I forgot where I left the link to that site ... you'll have to google for it. Now, don't you love me even more for telling you that tale? :-)

19 May, 2006

Greek Mythos - Story of Dabidios!

As with most Greek Myth, our story begins in ancient Greece. In the times of the gods of Olympus and in a time when the ancient god Zeus used to like pretending to be a cow in order to seduce women. In this case, it was not Zeus, but a lesser demi-god Hippofattus who decended from Olympus in order to muck about with the lives of mere mortals. He disguised himself as a wandering donkey that performs stand up comedy routines. He wandered about Greece till he came to a small town on the Isthmus called 'Gates of Hades, do not enter here', which was a strange name for a town. It was however quite apt, as the town did in fact contain a portal to Hades. Around this portal was built a stand up comedy club into which the lesser demi-god Hippofattus arrived in order to perform his stand up routines. Amongst the audience was a wood nymph named 'Bicyclita', who was also the towns bicycle repair person. Often, when people asked where the town bicycle was, people would point to her and say, 'there you go.' Hippofattus and Bicyclita's eyes met and they fell madly in love instantly. Much to the embarrassment of the rest of the patrons, as they started getting it on in the middle of the stage, inventing the first sex club, which was an instant hit amongst horny men. The result of this union was the offspring Dabidios. As with most unions of gods, demi-gods, nymphs etc in Greek Myths, Dabidios grew up to be a hero. Of course, having actually not done anything this was a little difficult to tell. At first he tried dressing with a lions skin wrapped around him and carrying a huge club similar to his uncle Heracles. Alas, the club was heavy and in winter the cold wind would blow up his lion skin giving him weird chills in places he was yet to discover! He then tried walking around with a huge spear and a bulls head for a hat. He found the winter was still getting cold, so he decided to put the lions skin back on. He was also getting laughed at by other people in the town, after all, it's not everyday you see some guy walking around naked with nothing but a bulls head on his head! His parents dispared, till one day Hippofattus decided that maybe some labours might be the way to go. In the same fashion that Heracles had performed his twelve labours and Theseus had his six labours, it was decided that Dabidios had to perform some labours. Being only a semi-demi-god (cause let's face it, the god blood was thinning out more and more as we decend the family tree), it was decided that only three tasks needed to be performed. Living in a town where there was a gate to Hades, it was decided that Dabidios's first task was to decend into the fires of Information System hell, where he was to manage databases for ignorant managers who thought you could get any information you want from a computer by just pressing one button. After four years in this hell, Dabidios task was complete and Hades allowed him to return to the surface for a quick breather. The second task was decided. Back into the hell fire of Infomation Systems he would travel. This time, his task was to look after Systems, but, his task was made all the worse as the managers used to give any old person root access to the systems, and any complaints by Dabidios were greeted with spurious ridicule. For six years he laboured, with customer complaints regarding software he had never seen and had to support blind. Customers complaining regarding things which had nothing to do with his department, yet his department was made a scapegoat of anyway. Managers making decisions on the systems based on what the sales person told them, and not the system specifications as written out by the System Architect. Files mysteriously disappearing from the system never to be seen again. Then, after the six years, he completed his task and was allowed to return to the surface. His third and final task was to slay a minataur, an hydra, a sphinx and a medusa. His only weapons being a nappy and match! This was by far his easiest task. He turned up at the place where the medusa, sphinx, hydra and minataur were to be found. It was a labyrinth made from old car bits, lots of the car bits had been squished into cubes. In order for the medusa not to turn him into stone, he placed the nappy on his head. He walked cautiously through the labyrinth touching the sides with his left hand. Soon, he heard the hissing of snakes. This was the medusa's hair. Quickly he lit the match and threw it down her top (which isn't easy with a nappy on your head). While she was trying to get the burning match out of her cleavage, he grabbed her by the legs and dragged her threw the labyrinth. She kicked and screamed, but his strength was too much for her to get out of his grasp. With her behind him, he was able to take the nappy off his head. He ran through the labyrinth till he came upon the Minotaur. Quickly he threw the medusa at the minotaur. They hit each other face to face, instantly turning the minotaur into stone. Dabidios put the nappy back over his head, and raced over to where the medusa lay half stunned from the impact with the minotaur. He grabbed her by the legs and started dragging her behind him again. Once again he was able to take the nappy off his head. This time, he came upon the Hydra. Once again, he thrust the medusa at the hydra, and all seven heads saw her face and turned to stone. He picked up the medusa and ran through the Labyrinth again till he came upon the sphinx. The sphinx (being female) was immune to the medusa's stare, but Dabidios didn't know this and threw the medusa at the sphinx. The sphinx caught the medusa in mid air and ate her! 'Uh oh!' exclaimed Dabidios. 'Well Dabidios, we meet at last. Do you know the rules about sphinxes? We give you a riddle, if you can solve the riddle you can go free, else I eat you,' said the sphinx. 'Can I phone a friend?' 'No, you idiot! Are you ready to answer my riddle?' 'Yes!' 'What type of animal has drool coming out evenly on both sides of it's mouth, sleeps with your girl friend, needs information punched in more than once, and when it knocks on your door the knocking slows down?' 'That's easy, that's a drummer with his drum riser level!' With that, the sphinx lept off a cliff and killed itself, and Dabidios's three labours were complete. I told you the third task was the easiest! ;-)

17 May, 2006

Lord of The Rings in One Thousand Two Hundred and Six Words or Less

'Look Gandalf, Bilbo gave me a magic ring,' said Frodo. 'Frodo, you better chuck it in the cracks of doom, as it's evil and Sauron wants to use it to rule the world.' 'Master Frodo, I want to come too and help you evade those nasty Ringwraiths,' said Samwise, but it was too late, they had already arrived at Rivendell with Pippin and Merry. 'What's the matter Master Frodo?' 'I've been stabbed by a Ringwraith you idiot!' 'Oh, yeah! But we're telling this so fast I didn't notice till now!' Gandalf stood before the council, 'We need to form a Fellowship of the Ring to help Frodo on his way.' 'That'd be a good name for a book,' said Stryder. 'Wait a second, I haven't volunteered yet!' screamed Frodo. 'Yes, you did! It was about five minutes ago, we just forgot to mention it till now!' 'And he has my axe,' said Gimli. 'He does? The thieving bastard!' said Legolas. 'No, I meant I offer my axe for his protection.' 'Oh, that's different! Then he has my bow!' replied Legolas. 'Because you're offering to protect him too.' 'No, the little buggers stolen my bow! Let's get it back!' With that the Fellowship left Rivendell on route to the lands of Mordor. 'Ah gees Gandalf, we're stuck in the middle of a Dwarven mineshaft with a Balrog chasing us!' exclaimed Pippin. 'Don't worry Pippin, I have a plan!' Gandalf threw himself in front of the Balrog. 'What is your quest?' The Balrog replied, 'I seek the Holy Grail!' Unfortunately the bridge collapsed and they were unable to complete the Monty Python scene they both loved so much! Down, down, down they fell ... till eventually the rest of the fellowship heard a 'plop' and a small puff of cartoon smoke appeared at the bottom of the ravine. Boromir's eyes glazed over as he approached Frodo, 'Frodo, I want your ring!' 'You can't have the Ring of power?' 'What's a ring of power? I've been trying to pick you up ever since we wandered into this gay disco!' Frodo screamed and ran, but it was too late, Orcs descended into the disco and shot Boromir with arrows. Frodo reached the river and took one of the boats in an attempt to cross over to the other side of the river. Samwise spotting him, bravely stood an a piece of glass which went through his foot! OUCH! Luckily, filming was stop till they could get him back in the boat with Frodo! Legolas cried out, 'Oh no, Frodo's gone, Boromir's dead, and I can't find Gimli!' 'Will you quit it with the short jokes, I'm standing right next to you!' replied Gimli gruffly. Legolas sniggered to himself. 'I've got a plan,' said Aragorn. 'We'll all go to Rohan, convince them we're mad, have them take everyone to Helms Deep where we'll get attacked by the Orcs!' 'And we defeat them in battle!' said Legolas. 'That's an even better plan! I wish I thought of that last bit!' 'Um, where are the other Hobbits?' asked Gimli. 'Stop stealing my jokes!' exclaimed Legolas. 'It wasn't a joke, I think the Orcs took them!' Merry and Pippin had been stolen from the gay Disco and were being taken to see Saruman. On the way, they escape from the orcs and fall in love with a big tree ... who then decides to declare war on Saruman and smash his castle to bits. 'My precious!' 'Stop calling me that Sam!' 'It wasn't me Master Frodo! 'My Precious!' 'Cut it out, I'm not going to have sex with you!' 'It wasn't me! It's that foul creature over there that followed us from the gay disco!' 'My precious!' 'Give him Boromir's phone number and tell him to push off!' 'Hey, you heard the master, push off!' 'My precious!' 'AH GEEES! Sam, hold the creature while I beat the crap out of it Sinatra style!' 'With pleasure master Frodo.' 'I don't like hobbitses!' 'Wait Sam, maybe he wasn't trying to pick us up after all!' 'I don't trust him master Frodo, I still think he's after something!' 'I want my precious.' 'Your precious? What's that?' 'I think he's after your ring master Frodo.' 'Don't be stupid Sam, that was Boromir's pickup line.' 'Nasty hobbitses stole my precious from me! My precious!' 'Aw, his nuts! Wonder if he can show us a way into Mordor?' With that, Gollum took Sam and Frodo to a giant Spider named Shelob, which Sam sprayed with flyspray and she died! Meanwhile at Helms Deep! 'Legolas, secure the defenses! The orcs are attacking!' 'Looks like your plan is working so far Aragorn. So, how do we defeat them?' 'Eh? Defeating them was your part of the plan!' 'Ah look Master Frodo, the big black gate that leads to Mordor!' 'I thought we already got into Mordor!' 'Um ... er ... okay, time jump! We're in! Cracks of Doom here we come!' 'Ah yes, here we are Legolas at the tower city of Minas Tirith!' 'What happened at Helms Deep? I don't remember.' 'Will you stop talking about it! Gees, just because your part of the plan worked! Now, my second part of the plan! We have a big battle out the front of Minas Tirith!' 'And we defeat them again!' 'Will you stop adding to my plans! What are the chances of pulling that off twice? Not much! Now just die like a hero so they can write songs about us!' At the end of the battle lots of elephants, horses and dead bodies lay about Minas Tirith. 'Woo hoo! We won!' 'Shut up Legolas! Must you rub it in!' Faramir came up to Aragorn, 'Your plan worked, you truly are the King! Welcome back!' 'My part of the plan worked too. Not just Legolas's! Bloody elves!' 'Ah, yeah, I wasnt' talking to Legolas, I was talking to you! You are the rightful King aren't you?' 'Um, er, yeah sure! I've got another plan, let's go have a big battle in front of the gates of Mordor!' 'In order to distract Sauron from Frodo's presence allowing him to throw the ring into the cracks of doom! And we defeat them once and for all,' chimed in Legolas. 'Stop adding to my plans already!!!!' And so it came to pass, that the armies of Aragorn the King amassed in front of the gates of Mordor. 'Master Frodo, you have to throw the ring into the lava.' 'I can't Sam ... I'm ... going ... to ... put ... it on!' CRUNCH SLURP 'Argh! That bugger Gollum has bitten my finger off!' 'Shouldn't have given him the bird Master Frodo.' And with that Gollum lost his balance and fell into the molten lava below with the ring, and a hobbits finger he'd mistake for a kit kat! 'Horray!' cried Legolas as Mordors army was scattered to the four winds! 'Oh, just live it up Elf boy! I am a King you know!' And there was much partying rejoicing and the gay Disco, once trashed by Orcs was rebuilt into a three story disco for all sexualities to live in harmony. Thus ending the tale of War of the Ring!

Finally!!! Phew!

You know something, it's funny how it's like pulling teeth with some people in order to get an answer, or the right thing done. As you may have read yesterday, after weeks of trying to get some sort of answer from Bradford Exchange in Australia regarding a committment that they will replace my mother's 'Panorama' if lost in transit when returned, I sent an e-mail off to the US in order to try to get something done. The US company replied to me within two hours assuring me of their commitment to replace the item if lost in transit! WHY COULDN'T THE AUSTRALIAN COMPANY DO THE SAME THING???? WHY DID THEY KEEP IGNORING MY CONCERNS!!!!? Well, not sure if the US did some speaking to the Australian company, but this morning, after WEEKS of going through this crap, I finally got an e-mail answering my question ... yes, they will replace the item if lost in transit! FRIGGIN' FINALLY!!!! KUDOS to the US company for customer committment. In fact, I just checked the date on the FIRST e-mail to the Australian company, and it was TWO MONTHS AGO!!!! So, it's taken two months (so far) to get the answer we needed from the Australian company, and two hours from the US. Like, geeeees! How friggin' annoying!!!! Anyway, now we have to send the item back in order to get a correct one sent to us ... so not sure how long that's going to take, but it better be less than a friggin' year or two!!!! I'll be glad when my mother finally has what she ordered! At least we don't have to drag them off to small claims court or anything. PHEW!

16 May, 2006


It's hard dealing with people sometimes! Finally got ANOTHER response from stupid Bradford Exchange regarding us sending their product back to get the 'correct' product [ie one with an Australian Adaptor]. They still refuse to pay for the 'insurance' and won't guarantee that they'll replace the item if it gets 'lost in transit'! They just keep saying to us 'send it back'. Well, I've sent off another e-mail, bascially saying to them, either give us a guarantee or send us the adaptor as you promised us in the first place. It seems they don't want to take any responsibilty for their own mistakes. So, we're left with a dilema - either we send it back, and if it doesn't get there we are left with NOTHING, which doesn't bother the company at all (says a lot about how much they value their customers), or else we're going to be forced to take them to small claims court. It doesn't really matter. My mother and I have got so fed up with their complete incompetence that she's never ordering anything from them again. I hope their American partners are happy with that outcome, as my mother usually buys a lot of stupid crap like that! Anyway, that's hundreds or even thousands of dollars they've lost, plus any sales lost due to the bad will they've created with us! [Yes, I believe in spreading the word on bad treatment I receive from companies ... and so should YOU!] Anyway, I've sent an e-mail off to their US office (as well), in the hope that it will make something happen! Let's face it, I've learnt over the years to start going over peoples heads when they start to play dumb or won't answer simple questions! My advice, if you don't want the stress, just don't buy anything from this company. It really hasn't been worth it ... all this crap just because they didn't supply us with the right product to begin with ... I honestly think they're putting me through this in the hope that I'll give up and just buy my own adaptor ... but you know what, that just makes me more determined to see this through to the end!!! Grrrrrr~! I really have developed a hate for this company. I think next time I see one of their adverts, I'm going to puke on it!

Interview With Suanie

My Second Blog Interview with a Femes Blogger! Tonights guest has been in The Star Newspaper, blogging for years and is considered one of the funniest peoples around the Malaysian Blogsphere. Please, put your hands together and give a warm welcome to tonights interviewee the wonderful Suan. *APPLAUSE* 1. Do you perceive your on-line personality to be different from your off-line personality? If so, how are they different. Different to a degree. A lot of people mentioned that I am quieter in real life, which is quite true. But it is not surprising because: a) no one can talk continuously in real life (except for some people I know) -- when you blog, you have time to think and phrase your sentences/words properly. It is like reading a book and watching a movie with the same title. If you include everything from LOTR into the movie, you are going to end up with hours and hours and hours and hours of film. b) I am much quieter with selected people ;) 2. Have your friends perceived your on-line and off-line personalities to be different? If so, how? Same thing as #1. 3. Which other bloggers have inspired you in the blogsphere? No one. I am le greatest. Ph33r. 4. Have any other people outside of the blogsphere been influential in your life, and if so how? My mom? Erm... cos she gave birth to me. That's got to be inspiring. 5. Do you have any advice for young (or newbie) writers who are thinking of starting their own blog? Don't. Unless: a) you reallyx10000 want to b) you are committed to updating it regularly c) in reference to (b), unless you don't mind 2 readers a month d) you have an angle different from other bloggers e) in reference to (d), unless you just want to remain a daily grind blogger and... a) use a pseudonym if you think you are going to work in an international corporation later in your life b) sometimes some things are better left unblogged c) glhf 6. What do you perceive to be the best thing about the blogsphere? google adsense 7. What do you perceive to be the worst thing about the blogsphere? google adsense 8. When writing a blog post, do you normally plan what you are going to write in advance, or do you just write and let the subject carry you? Depends. I work both ways. Sometimes I write long posts in under half an hour, sometimes I take weeks or months, ultimately deleting them because the content wasn't fresh anymore. 9. Your readers (I mean your loyal ones who keep coming back) obviously relate in some form to your writing, what do you think keeps them coming back for more? My greatness? 10. If you could have ANY dream job in the world, what would it be? high ranking microsoft peon 11. What do you look for in the blogs you read? [About how many do you read each day?] Up to 20 a day if I had nothing better to do. They are usually my real life friends' blogs , or the selected few daily must-reads. 12. Is it better for a blogger to write on social issues, or to write on personal issues? Depends on the individual? I just wish that bloggers who write on social issues would take better care at protecting their own asses. Contrary to their Americanised MTV influenced culture, the world is not their oyster. Take one or two wrong steps and things might get heated up. Though most of them do not realise this... 13. What is your favourite hobby/past-time? Blogging. Lol. 14. Is it better to party hard till you drop, or have a relaxing evening with good friends? These days, relaxing evening with good friends, though I don't mind the partying once in a while. Creaky bones, you know. 15. I asked you a while ago about people whom you thought should get together (you might have to go through your archives to see what you said - I think it was your post 'Ask me anything' or something along those lines), have any of those predictions come true, and do you still hold to those which haven't? Do you have any more predictions related to any other relationships which may happen? No. Are you crazy? Hahahaha. Dabido: Of course I'm crazy! Don't you remember when we escaped from the asylum together? :-D Actually, I take it you may have got into some trouble over the last prediction ... but I thought they were cute hee hee! :-) On that note, we'll have to say farewell for tonight. Thanks for being interviewed. Audience, please thank the wonderful Suan. *APPLAUSE*