Perry Pooter and the Philosophical Tone - Part Four

Christmas arrived and many vultures swooped through the great hall bringing the students mail and presents from their parents. The students were thoroughly delighted with what they'd received after removing all the vulture poo from it. Perry sat looking glum, as it was obvious, that as an orphan, he was going to get Nix from Saint Nick. Let's face it, for someone who's supposed to reward the good children and bring bits of coal for the bad children, this guy had a blind eye for the poor and the parentless. In fact, a lot of very rich bad kids got given a lot better presents than the poor good kids. It really just went to prove that Santa Claus was just a corporate shill trying to shove capitalism down the throats of unwary children. Perry was surprised however, as a vulture did swoop low over him and a large pile of white goo landed in front of him. He immediately realised it was too big for vulture droppings, so somewhere amongst that guano was a package ... he wondered if it was for him. Von wiped away the vulture poo and there in plain black and brown was Perry's name. 'It's for you, Perry,' Von said. Perry was shocked. 'What could it be?' asked Hernia. 'I don't know,' said Perry. 'Well don't just sit there, open it,' said Von. Perry untied the poo covered strings and opened the brown paper. Inside was a cloak. 'Well, I guess that'll keep me warm at night now,' said Perry. 'No need for you to climb into bed with me now, Von.' Von looked a little disheartened till he realised what the cloak was. 'Hey,' he said to Perry. 'That's a cloak of invisibility.' 'Really?' asked Perry and Hernia in unison. 'Yeah, you place it over yourself, and you disappear.' Later that night, in Perry and Von's room, Perry placed the cloak over himself. 'Have I disappeared?' Perry asked Von. 'Not yet Perry,' said Von. 'I can still see your pants and your shoes. Perry took his pants, shoes and socks off. 'How about now?' he asked Von. 'Nope, hasn't worked yet.' Perry took the rest of his clothes off. 'What about now?' Perry asked. 'Wow! It's amazing,' said Von. 'You've completely disappeared!' Perry ducked out of the room and raced down the corridor. As he went, he passed Professor Snack and Dumblebum. Both were a little taken back as the cloak raced past with Perry's naked legs racing along underneath that. 'What was that?' asked Snack. 'I think it was Perry Pooter running naked through the corridors under an old blanket,' replied Dumblebum. 'Oh, the old cloak of invisibility prank. Always some idiot falls for it every year.' As they were discussing this, a blanket with Navel Longbuttocks and another with Malfort collided a little way down the corridor. 'Watch it, Longbuttocks,' cried Malfort. 'I'm sorry, Malfort. I didn't see you!' replied Navel. 'Of course you didn't, I'm wearing a cloak of invisibility.' Both Malfort and Longbuttocks placed their blankets over themselves and went running around once again. 'Appears the prank has caught more than one student this year,' said Snack. 'Apparently, yes,' replied Dumblebum. 'I better track down Pooter and get him back to his bedroom, you can track down Longbuttocks and Malfort.' Dumblebum eventually found Perry standing in front of the 'Mirror of Eraserhead'. The mirror played the Schwarzenegger's film eraser over and over, even though the viewer knew the movie was crap, they somehow was hypnotised into watching it all the way through. 'Ah, Pooter. You've found the "Mirror of Eraserhead", it's very addictive,' said Dumblebum. 'Because the acting is so good?' asked Perry. 'Definitely not! It's because the staff normally sniff cocaine off it at the faculty parties. I'll have to have it moved somewhere you can't find it.' Perry returned to his room, where he found that Von and several other students had glued all his furniture to the roof and the light to the floor. As he entered, all the students from most of his class were there. He stood in shock, and the house captain grabbed his blanket and ripped it off him. Perry was too young to have had that dream where he suddenly finds himself naked in front of his school ... not that it mattered, he'd now lived the dream! :-)