Superman - Handbag Snatcher [PARTE TWELVE]

‘So Elm Scully,’ said Fox Dabido. ‘Where do you think we stand?’

‘Well, I’m standing on the sidewalk. You’re standing knee deep in monkey poo!’ ‘What? Oh … er… darn it, and these are new shoes too!’

It was true, somehow Dabido had not realised he’d stepped in some poo. Not an easy feat, as it was as large as a house, though of course it was spread out across the street a little.

The FBI agents had been called to investigate weird paranormal phenomena occuring in and around Gothopolis.

‘Okay,’ said Dabido. ‘Other than the monkey poo, where do we stand?’ ‘Well,’ said Elm. ‘We have several eye witnesses that a large ape is terrorising downtown New York.’ ‘What’s that got to do with Gothopolis?’ ‘Well, there are rumous of mob connections here in Gothopolis. It’s been said that a consortium from here has been buying up all the New York ape droppings and delivering them to this warehouse.’ ‘Ptttttth, little chance of that. Where’s the evidence that such a stupid story could be even remotely true?’ ‘It’s crap.’ ‘That’s what I thought.’ No, I mean yYou were just standing in it!!!’ ‘Oh, that! Okay, so there is SOME evidence.’ ‘It’s monkey crap.’ ‘Stop confusing me! Do you believe the story or not?’ ‘ I mean the evidence is monkey crap.’ ‘Oh, okay. I misunderstood.’

As they were speaking, a blue flash raced past, and Dabido’s new Gucci handbag disappeared! ‘Not again!’ screeched Dabdio. ‘That’s the second handbag this week!’ ‘As a man, don’t you think you shoudl give up on the handbag thing?’ asked Elm. ‘Um … I could. But, you know I have a style all my own!’ He gracefully tossed his head to the left and then to the right, exactly the way Farrah Fawcet would have done it in Charlies Angels, provided she was a short fat man with little hair. ‘I bet anything it’s that Clarke kid from that farm!’ ‘What kid? What farm?’ ‘The kid form Krypton!’ ‘Huh?’ ‘The one you used Kryptonite to spike his heroin.’ ‘Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.’ ‘He’s from another planet! How many people have you met from another planet?’ ‘Other than the four this week? Does my cousin Merl count?’

As they were speaking a guy in red and blue spandex with a black web texture landed flat in front of them in the monkey poo. *SPLAT* He quickly got up [well, after a brief swim to the edge] and ran away. ‘Did you see that Dabido?’ ‘Um … are we talking about that spiderguy who just ran away?’ ‘Yes! That’s what I’m talking about.’ Dabido breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Oh goooooood, I’m not having those spider halucinations again. They’re almost as bad as the snake ones!’ ‘Anyway, shouldn’t we investigate?’ ‘Why? We’re paranormal investigators. We don’t go around investigating weird guys who dress in skin tight costumes and bungy jump into monkey poo.’ ‘Yes, we do. What about that guy we investigated last week?’ ‘Oh, that was completely different. That was a guy who dressed as a latex scorpion and dived into cow manure. That’s nothing like this.’

As they were speaking a large truck labeled, ‘Wayne Industries - Simian Fertaliser Division’ rolled past. ‘Dabido, our first major clue!’ Dabido raced over to the monkey poo and started looking through it. ‘Where? Where? Did the spiderguy lose his rolex in the fall?’ ‘Ewwwww! No, I mean the truck that just drive past!’ ‘Oh! Um … you don’t mind if we go back to the hotel. I think I need to have a shower.’

With that, Fox and Elm returned to the Hotel Unko so that Dabido could have a nice shower and freshen up.