A Quick Reminder of the LIST of subjects so far:
- Crazy Dates I may have been on. Part I
- New ways to take over the world. Part I
- New ways to take over the world. Part II
- New ways to take over the world. Part III
- New ways to take over the world. Part IV
- Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
- What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
- My secret life as a sex god.
- How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
- Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
- Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
- Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
- Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)
- The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
- The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
- Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
- Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
- Rolf Harris
I'll give the World Domination a bit of a rest for tonight, and will skip to the next subject. This performs two things. First, it keeps the regulars in suspense. Second, it gives me something else to blog about - a bit of variety, whcih probably wouldn't hurt the readers also.
Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
In history, a lot of people remember the heroes who stayed, fought, died, and then had statues erected in their honour. In some cases, they stayed, fought, died, and everyone else died and no statues were erected. What a waste.
Enter history, a Hero, who was cool underfire, was able to have horses shot from under him, have bullets go into his coat, yet still able to run away without loosing any of his credibility.
If you choose to be a hero, then this is probably the hero you should choose. A man who lost more battles than he won, yet was still able to command the utmost respect from his peers.
I'm not talking Ghengis Khan ... he won every battle. I'm not talking Sun Tzu ... he also won every battle. I'm not talking Patton, Rommel, Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Pikachu, Yamamoto, Musashi, Alexander the Great or Ramses. I'm talking someone who the American's revere greatly.
I'm talking George Washington.
At 20 years of age, he was attacked by smallpox. This, he couldn't run away from. As such, his face became scarred for life.
At 22 years of age, George decided to shoot at some French Canadians. Those French Canadians had deliberately wandered into Ohio, which is a good enough reason to shoot at anyone.
This started the French and Indian war, though no actual Indians were involved, just Native Americans, the French, the English and their colonists. It's also called the Seven Years War by people outside America, but most American's can't remember how long it went for.
George built Fort Necessity. The French turned up, and told him he wasn't a necessity for Fort Necessity, and George promptly surrended it. Thus, learning how to run away for the first time. Well, this was more a meander away, as he wasn't underfire and didn't need to run.
George later went with the English to fight at the "Battle of the Monongahela". Here was where four shots were fired into his coat, and two horses were shot from under him.
It is said his third horse was heard to mutter, 'Oh well, I've had a good life.'
This is where George proved he was a man worth running away with. While the English were basically being slaughtered, George organised the retreat, staying calm and cool. Many men (and horses) owe their lives to George that day.
His third horse was heard to mutter after the battle, 'Oh, yeah! Lucky number three!'
George was involved in only one more battle in the seven years war, and that was a win for the British at Fort Duquesne.
Brigadier General John Forbes, the English commander was heard to say after the battle, 'Didn't need you after all Georgie boy. We didn't run away this time!'
'I did fight in the battle to you know!' replied George.
'Sure you did old chum! Sure you did!'
'Bloody British!' George mumbled! 'You'll keep!'
'I say, we're going to rename Fort Duquesne, Fort Pitt, after Brad Pitt. Say what?'
In 1775, during the American Revolution, John Adams realized the Continental Army, which was made mainly of volunteers, was no match for the Professional British soldiers.
'What we need,' said John. 'Is someone who knows how to run away a lot, while still keeping the army together. I suggest, George Washington, the bravest man ever to organise a retreat.'
The Continental Congress agreed.
A year later, at the Battle of Long Island, George was able to prove John correct. After realising there were no long island ice teas on the island, George successfully organised another retreat. The amazing thing being that he kept the majority of his army in tact with few losses or desertions. (No drinks, no dessert ... are they out of everything on Long Island?)
George wasn't all running away though, and on Christmas night, he crossed the Delaware and his forces hid in the English stockings. Imagine their surprise on Xmas day when out popped George and his men.
He then followed this by going to Princeton, (Oh, an Ivy League man!!!) and giving General Cornwallis the shock of his life.
'Charles, I'm here to give you a lecture.' Said George.
'Sorry George, have to take a feather from your cap, and run away like a hero! Exit, stage left!'
The Battle of Brandywine saw George using his patented retreat methods again.
Later that year, an aid ran up to George saying, 'General Washington, The English are in Germantown!!!'
'They can't do that! They're not GERMAN AT ALL!'
Unfortunately, dispite his outrage, George was unable to dislodge the Ebglish from Germantown, and was forced to retreat. They wintered in Valely Forge, which was nothing like Valley of the Dolls, and only slightly better that the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
June 1778 saw the Battle of Monmouth. Washington and his men atacked the British forces. One of Washington's men, General Lee, seized his opportunity to run away like a real hero and sounded a general retreat. Washington, argued with Lee as running away like a real hero has a lot to do with choosing the right time to run away. Washington rallied the men and fought on. At the end of the battle, no one had won. Heat Stroke and Sun Stroke claimed more lives than the bullets and cannon, and subsequently declared themselves the overall winners.
General Lee was later court marshalled for running away, which was sort of ironic, as he should have run away from the court marshalling. Clearly a man who didn't know when to run and when to fight.
The French and American forces eventually trapped General Charles Cornwallis at Yorktown. Yorktown was more of a seige not a battle. George marched his army down from the north and joined the seige. Cornwallis eventually surrended, thus ending the US War of Independence.
Though I have told this in a humourous way, there are some things that canbe said about George. Though he ran away more often than not, he was up against a professional army. His own army consisted mainly of volunteers and weren't really trained until 1778 when Baron Friedrich von Steuben started to give them a hand.
The secret of his success lay in choosing his battles. Knowing when to stand and when to run. Also, his character made men followers. Many another General would not have been able to hold such a rabble together, but George could.
Though other Generals throughout history have also had the good sense to run away when they couldn't possibly win, none had the ability to keep a mish mash army together after many defeats. I take my hat off to George Washington. A man who could run away like a real hero.
The lessons learned here:
Choose your battles carefully.
Stay focused on your eventual goal.
Know when to run and when to stand and fight.
There might even be some more lessons, but hopefully, we've all learned how to run away like a real hero.