Superman - Handbag Snatcher [PARTE FOURTEEN]
The much publicised spat between Batman and Superman has some origins that people don't know about. This is actually where it started.
'Bruce,' screamed Clarke. 'You`re not impressing anyone dressing up as a bat and running around in spandex.'
'Come off it Clarke,' replied Bruce. 'You know it turns you on. Check out these moves, I call them the Batusi.'
'Ptttth, the Batusi will never take off.'
'No, no, check it out. It's very sexy, baby. Real seeeexxxyyy.'
'You're an idiot Bruce.' 'Don't call me an idiot! I'm the greatest business mind in the world.' 'You're an idiot with no moral fibre what-so-ever!' 'No moral fibre? You can talk you two bit hand bag snatching herion addict!'
Clarke had enough. He stormed out of the room. Yet, somehow, deep down inside he knew Bruce had been right. It's very difficult to take the high ground when you know you're not that perfect yourself. At this point, Clarke decided to be as perfect as he could be. He returned to the farm to talk to Jor-L.
'Daggnimmity, doodity,' said Jor-L. 'We tried so hard to bring you up right. I was worried for a while. You seemed to have completely lost it, especially with the drugs and all. Yet somehow, you've worked it all out yourself Clarke. I'm daggnimmity proud of you.'
'Thanks, Dad,' replied Clarke. 'From now on, I'll use my powers for good to help people and to fend off evil.'
'Daggdoodity nammit, there's a great evil in the world at the moment. Giant turtles are terrorising Fukuoka, T-Rexes are terrorising Sapporo, and a werecow is running amoke in India!'
'Werecow?' 'I'm over here,' said Bernadette (whose stunt career hadn't taken off at this stage). 'What?' asked Clarke. 'I thought you wanted to know where the cow was,' replied Bernadette. 'No, I was asking about the werecow!' 'I'm here!' 'No, werecow.' 'Here! I'm HERE already!' 'NO! NO! NO! WERECOW! LIKE A WEREWOLF!' 'Where wolf?' 'Yes, like a were wolf!' 'Where?' 'That's right.' 'What's right? Where wolf?' 'Where?' 'I don't know, I thought you knew!' 'I knew what?' 'Where wolf!' 'Where?' 'That's what I asked.' 'What?' 'Where?' 'What?!!' 'What, what? I want to know where.' 'Where what?' 'Where what what?'
'Daggnimmity,' interupted Jor-L. 'You're both drivin' me nuts! Stop it! Listen Clarke, you have to go and build a fotress of solitude. Some place where you can think.' 'Like the toilet.' 'No, not like the toilet! A fortress of solitude. A nice quite place where you can just sit there and think.' 'Like the toilet!' 'NO! Daggnimmmity! Go to the north pole, find a nice quite place, build a huge friggin' fortress from ice that will give you somewhere daggnimity TO THINK!' 'Can I think in the toilet at the fortress?' 'Yes, daggnimiity! Of course you can think in the toilet! Just, the whole purpose of the place is so you don't have to sit in a friggin' toilet to think. You have the entire fortress to do it in.' 'But it does have a toilet, right?' 'Of course it daggnammity has a friggin' toilet. What were you planning on doing? Poopin' on the walruses or something!' 'No, no,' said Clarke. 'Just needed to know it was going to have plumbing and everything ... and somewhere to think!' 'Daggnammit, just pick up the spaceship and fly to the North Pole.' 'Um, my powers are returning, but they haven't completely returned yet. Plus, I'm afraid of what might happen when I go through detox.' 'Okay, pick up the daggnimmity spaceship and carry us to the North Pole. Just don't stop in Canada and drink all their beer. Those Cannucks get mighty upset if people drink all their beer.'
And so it was that Clarke picked up the spaceship and headed for the North pole. Along the way he accidently dropped the spaceship on a Canadian mounty, but no one cared as it was only Duddley Do-right.
A polar bear did try to take a bite out of Clarke, but that Bear landed with a huge smack in the middle of Africa. It left him totally confused and rather hot in that fur coat!
For two weeks Clarke built his fortress of solitude with indoor plumbing and went through detox of the heroin. The hard work helped him to sweat out the drug. His super powers returned at an exponential rate, and he was soon back to full working capacity as the red underwear wearing superhero we've all come to love.