The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

18 January, 2006

Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars Part Suxtoon.

LINK TO THE FIRST FIFTEEN PARTS Kenji was sitting in his bed above the Hamster bar doing the accounts. He had his receipts and books surrounding him. He adjusted his glasses a little as he tried to read off the numbers from last nights takings. The stains of alcohol had smudged the numbers a little. He was having a little problem working them out. Business was still okay, but wasn't the same without the hamsters, George, James and Arlo. Kenji found himself working and sleeping more in the offices above the Hamster bar. He had a better and more luxurious apartment downtown, but had put a bed in one of the offices. The barmaids often used the room to get changed before and after work. Kenji never could understand why they needed to get changed. How hard is it for a topless barmaid to get her top off? Mari entered the room. She'd finished cleaning up downstairs. The bar was locked and the rest of the girls had already left. She took her high heels off and her skirt. 'Did you hear that?' asked Kenji looking up from his books. There had been a strange bang downstairs. 'Eh', replied Mari. 'Just some cats in the alley I think. They love to get in there to eat the fish from the garbage. Cat's are like that. Eat, sex, meow a lot, more eating, sleeping, sex, sleeping, meow, eat.' There was another bang. This time it sounded closer and louder, as though someone was trying the door. 'I better investigate', Kenji said as he went to get out of bed. Before he could though, the door was kicked open and several of the Tokyo Special Unit came through the door. Poor Mari was flung across the room and landed in Kenji's lap in nothing more than her underpants. 'Freeze. One move and we'll blow your head off', screamed Special Unit Inspector Sugimoto. Kenji stuck his hands up. So did Mari, with her long breast flipping over her shoulders, the right one hitting Kenji square in the face. 'Sugimoto-san, she's armed with nun chucks!' exclaimed Junior Officer Kumamoto. 'Rookie mistake Kumamoto-San', replied Sugimoto. 'Those are just her boobs. Haven't you ever seen people have sex before. We've obviously interrupted this guy with his ... uh ... girlfriend who looks old enough to be his mother.' 'Typical Oedipus complex, Sugimoto san', said Kumamoto trying to impress his superior with his knowledge of psychology. 'We're not having sex', said Kenji. 'I was just doing my books and ...' Kumamoto and Sugimoto broke into hysterical laughter drowning out the rest of Kenji's reply. 'Get the cuffs on them guys', said Sugimoto wiping a tear from his left eye. Several other Special Unit police came in and placed handcuffs on Mari and Kenji. 'We weren't having sex! I tell you, it's a mistake!' cried Kenji. 'Shut up idiot, they can't arrest us for having sex. What's this raid all about?' asked Mari. 'We have a right to know.' 'Everyone knows there is a Yakuza war going on, Grandma, and you and your boyfriend have been picked up as part of that war. We know this bar was hit by the "Undercover, Monkey Training, Hamster Feed Pellet Shooting Yakuza Gang", and we think you have some information for us', replied Sugimoto. 'Then technically we're not under arrest then', said Mari. 'Um, I guess not.' 'So, therefore there isn't any reason for us to be in handcuffs.' 'Um, I guess not. But I thought it might help the romantic mood. I thought maybe your boy friend was into that sort of stuff.' 'SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!' Screamed Kenji. Sugimoto and Kumamoto burst into laughter along with numerous other members of the Special Unit. 'Look, stop the jokes. Just come down to headquarters and give us some statements concerning the Yakuza war that's happening', said Sugimoto. 'We don't know anything! We're not involved with Yakuza', said Mari. 'Really? We'll see about that. Come down to the station. Um, we better get both of you into some clothes first. I'd hate to have the press take a photo of me with ... um ...', Sugimoto was looking at Mari's breasts trying to think of a word to describe what he saw. 'Um ... I'd ... um ... forget it. just get dressed!' 'Keep telling you we don't know anything!' exclaimed Mari. 'Then what's THIS!' said Sugimoto holding a photo in front of her. 'It's a picture of a horse.' 'Really?' Sugimoto looked at the photo. 'Oh, so it is. Wait.' Sugimoto fumbled around till he found another photo amongst his paper work. He held it up. It showed Mari serving a drink to Shou, with Ryota, head honcho and sidekick sitting around the table. 'Do you know these customers?' 'Yeah, they're good tippers. And that one there wanted to take me home and have sex with me.' 'Really?' Sugimoto was shocked. 'I thought this was a gay bar?' 'It is a gay bar.' 'I'm confused, the owners straight and likes his women OLD.' 'I'm NOT having sex with her!' exclaimed Kenji. 'And is in obvious denial over his straightness', continued Sugimoto. Then a bunch of straight Yakuza come here to drink, and the bar is full of female topless waitresses. This is a weird place.' 'Eh, you should try working here', added Mari. 'Come on Kenji, let's go down town with the nice policemen.' Kenji and Mari got dressed and Kumamoto lead them back downstairs and into a waiting police car. Sugimoto couldn't' help but wonder about this place. Weird, very weird.