Psyche & Eros - Part One

[This story got so long, I've split it into two or three parts] Part One - The Kings Daughter Once there was a King, who had three daughters. The first two he successfully married off to two Kings. The King often ponder to himself, 'Geees, I'm amazed I was able to get rid of those two, as they both have faces like horses that have been tramped by other horses, then bitten by horses and then kicked by a horse.' The King was a gambling man, and it's possible the thought came out that way as he was at the track betting half his kingdom on some old nag that luckily came in a odds of fifty to one.

'Hmmmm,' the old King pondered more to himself. 'My last daughter Psyche is the best looking filly in the race, yet I can't seem to get her married off.' [He was still at the track]. It was true. Psyche was in fact the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet at the time. She was even more beautiful than Helen of Troy, or anyone else that the King could think of. In fact, men came from all over to look at Psyche's beauty. The problem was, they were all looking, but no one was buying. 'Aw, come on guys. Must be someone who wants to marry her,' the King lamented. 'No time to reply, busy looking,' said the King of Meander. 'Shhh,' chided the King of Lydia. The King of Lesbos burped, but no one was sure if it was in agreement with the King of Lydia. After a while, Aphrodite noticed no one was going to her temple to worship her anymore. 'What's the matter with these men?' she asked herself. 'I've got naked statues of myself and everything in there! Even naked servant girls to help liberate them from their money, and NOT ONE MAN IS IN THE FRIGGIN' TEMPLE!!! ONEONEONE!!1111!!' So, Aphrodite decided to go see what was going wrong. When she discovered that all the men were standing knee deep in drool looking at Psyche's beauty, she decided to do something about it. She called her son Eros to help with a plan. She told Eros he was to go and shoot Psyche with a love arrow to cause her to fall in love with the most hideous man on earth. 'How will we know this man will be there when I shoot her?' 'It's okay, I heard Dabido was on his way there today.' 'Oh, yeah! That's him! Kewl! I'll do it!' So Eros flew over to the Kingdom where Psyche lived and was determined to shoot her with the love arrow. He waited by the gates until Dabido arrived and went in. 'Kewl!' thought Eros. 'This'll be a blast.' So Eros followed Dabido into the area where all the drool covered men were (it was now up to their waist-lines). Only, upon seeing Psyche, Eros fell instantly in love with her. In fact, he accidentally shot an arrow off which hit the King of Lesbos knocking him into the King of Lydia causing them to fall in love ... but that's another story. Anyway, Eros left to go talk to Apollo, who is pretty wise in the love department. 'Dude, you won't believe what happened!' said Eros entering Apollo's huge palace. 'Sounds bodacious, dude! Like, what awesome events happening now?' replied Apollo. 'Well dude, I saw this totally audacious chick. Her beauty is of a more impressive nature than an Hawaiian tube that you can carve for an hour.' 'Dude, that's awesomely awesome!' 'Yeah, but the whole set up is a total blow out man. Like, it's dinged beyond belief!' 'Heavy, dude. What's causing the rip, man?' 'Well, my mom, you know, Aphrodite, she's like, hit the bitch with an arrow and get her to love a fugly dude, man.' 'Total high order wipe out! Like, what you gonna do?' 'Dunno, dude! Thought you might have some way of me dropping in on the set without mom snapping her leash! Also, I don't want the sick chick to know I'm a demi-god. You know, chicks will act like a groupy if they think you're extreme.' 'Oooooh, I think I've got something total sick man. Leave it with me, dude!' So Eros went off leaving it to Apollo to sort out.