Psyche & Eros - Part Five
'Okay you whore, this is my next task for you,' said Aphrodite. 'I want you to find where the golden sheep graze and I want you to bring me a ball of golden wool.'
So, Psyche set off in search of the Golden Sheep. 'I wonder why Jason and the argonauts just didn't come here, to Golden Sheep Farm, instead of going on that long voyage just to get one mangy old fleece?'
It was true, Golden Sheep farm was only twenty kilometres up the road from where Jason left from, but no one said Heroes were clever.
When Psyche arrived, a river nymph in a nearby creek spotted her, and knowing what Aphrodite had set as a task, took pity on Psyche and decided to warn her.
'Oh, Psyche,' the nymph called to her. 'Hee hee hee. I have to warn you. Those sheep are really naughty sheep. Hee hee hee. They are real mean. Like, once, a trumpet player was trying to play a tune, and he kept getting the notes wrong, and one of those golden sheep came over and shoved the trumpet somewhere. Hee hee hee!'
'Uh, right ...' answered Psyche.
'And there was this other time. Hee hee hee. This sheep decided to eat this guy who was trying to cross the field. Hee hee hee! And then, this other time, this guy took his girl friend into the field for some nooky, well, to cut a long story short, he's now in a Thai Girl show somewhere in Bangkok. Hee hee.'
'Okay, I get it, the sheep are a pack of mean mother f...'
'And this other time, there was this one sheep who joined the Nazi party.'
'I've got it already!!! Just tell me how I can avoid getting eaten by these mean sheep.'
'Okay, the sheep are all stoners. You know what I mean. Like, the sheep like to bong on in the afternoon. Like, they get the grass stuff that they're supposed to eat, only it's not the eating type of grass, and they have these bongs they've made from rubber hose and plastic coke bottles and like, they light up and stuff.'
'Yes, yes, get to the point,' said Psyche.
'Well, you know, it makes them all mellow and stuff in the afternoon and they normally go and lie under the trees on the other side of the meadow. So, if you like sneak up on them when they're like, mellowed out and just tripping and stuff, then you can gather some of their wool.'
'And after, if you're not doing much, like, you can come back here. We've got this girl thing happening later if you want to join in. Like, the girls aren't all snooty or anything. It's just a pyjama party thing, and you know, it's not sexual or anything. Well, some of the other girls might be like that, but you know I'm not. I'm just inviting you cause, we're like friends and everything now that I've warned you. You know, cause I sort of saved your life and everything. So, you know, bring your own drinks and stuff. We don't supply the alcohol, you've got to bring that yourself ... oh bugger, she's gone!'
It was true, while the river nymph had continuously blabbered on a lot, Psyche had gone off to the field to wait for the sheep to mull up. Eventually, the head stoner sheep took the others off to have their afternoon rest under the trees. Another sheep turned up with baggies full of grass and the head stoner sheep bought some stuff.
Pretty soon, they were all wasted on drugs and completely unaware that their wool was being nicked off their very own backs. If there is one reason not to do drugs kids, it's this. While you're wasted and out of your head, any damn idiot can walk into your place and take everything you own. Later, when you try to explain to the police that it all happened while you and twenty good mates were sitting around, they will look at you as though you are the biggest moron on the planet. [Which you will be!]
Psyche left the stoned sheep and took the ball back to Aphrodite. She ensured she didn't go anywhere near that creek again, as she didn't have four hours to waste on what was possibly a nymphomaniac lesbian nymph.