After hacking [Cracking] into the US Defense computers, I've discovered the truth about Roswell and several other Alien truths. First of all, one of the things the Aliens were doing in the 1940's and 1950's was stealing milk bottles from peoples doorsteps. Now, most people nowadays don't have to worry about leaving their milk bottles out any more because we no longer have milkmen. The main reason for this, was the US realised if we all had to buy our milk in supermarkets, the aliens would probably stop visiting. They even released a taunt across most of America with the large GOT MILK? campaign Unfortunately, the aliens have retaliated with tagging. If you are unaware of what tagging is, it's when aliens leave their weird language written all over walls and signs. You'll notice a lot of the tags appear on the 'advertising billboards', especially the 'Got Milk?' ones. Luckily, for the first time ever (other than all the previous times), we present an FBI Memo from Ladd to Hoover regarding the entire incident at Roswell.
*******Dear J Eddy, Good news, your pink ball gown is back from the cleaners. Big Tony thanks you for allowing his daughter to borrow it for her high school prom. In regard to the Air Force not letting us near the site of the crashed UFO at Roswell, they have assured me all milk bottles have been returned. They are currently holding the milk bottles in quarantine at a place called Area 51. Unfortunately, all the aliens were seen sitting at the crash site with milk moustaches. We believe they drank the lot just before the crash. The Air Force has traded the aliens for the outstanding missing milk bottles previously stolen. It comes close to one million milk bottles. These have been stacked up in a hanger in Area 51, waiting for the milk board to pay the 5 cent deposit on all the bottles. All alien DNA has been removed from the bottles and we have six Korean dish hands cleaning them all. Some of them are complaining about having dish pan hands, but a reminder that their green cards will be revoked normally shuts them up. We're looking forward to the cash return from this, but Ike (The Pres.), says that the amount of money expended far outways the return on the empties. The Pentagon is working on a way of removing the temptaion for Aliens to visit the planet and steal the milk bottles. Several college towns have also reported aliens leaving dog doo in burning paper bags on doorsteps. With hugs and kisses, Dan (the Man) Milton (the ... um ... er) Ladd (the lad) p.s. Audrey has borrowed your black one piece again.
*********As you can see, this is 100% positive proof that missing milk and dog doo on doorsteps are NOT the works of College fraternity pranksters, but in fact Alien activity. I might blog some more on what I've found in the US Defense Computer archives (like some guy names Bob shot JFK), but I think I've left enough for you to think about. Got milk?