The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

05 February, 2006

What To Do When You Get Treated 'THAT' way!

In life, there is a saying. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. It's true, because as you leave friends behind, they somehow fall out of your life. Every now and then, you come across them, and they're still friendly, they still wish you well, but somehow the closeness has faded. They are a friend that has somehow 'gone'. Every now and then, you'll come across an enemy as well. The only difference is, normally if they are/were a bitter enemy, the bitterness is still there somewhere. The threat hasn't weakened that much. This will probably make the meeting more memorable than a meeting with an old friend as the emotional content is still relevant. It's probably a survival thing. We have learnt we can't turn our back on that person, so our memory keeps the memory alive. The enemy is still there ... accumulating with your other enemies. My usual course of action is to cut someone loose who 'TREATS me with overwealming crappiness'. Let's face it, if they're going out of their way to put you down, lie about you, or just exaggerate crap in order to draw attention to themselves, or just to put you down, they're probably not worth knowing. It happens in real life, it happens in the BlogSphere and on the internet. Sometimes it can be a simple misunderstanding, but I've always found that by talking to the person in private will sort that out. Sometimes though, the talk in private is when you really discover what the real issue is. You also discover a lot about the person. When people give me the 'I can do whatever I like to you', sort of talk in private (as their excuse for their behaviour), that's when I know it's time to cut them loose. I've always had a saying, 'How someone treats strangers is a good indication of what they're really like as a person.' [You might hear me say that in many different forms]. How they treat you is a better indication. If they treat strangers like crap, and they treat you like crap, it's a good indication that no matter how nice you are going to be to that person, you will always be someone they feel they can abuse. Many years ago I fell into the trap of thinking that if you treat all people well, they'll always treat you well. Or if you treat a person well who is treating you like crap, that eventually they'll stop and start treating you well. The fact is, it doesn't work that way. I've discoverd (after forty odd years of living) that if someone feels above you, and feels they can treat you like crap, then they'll always feel above you and feel they can treat you like crap. That person is not your friend, and is most likely only keeping you around so that they can feel superior. The more you act nice to them, the weaker they think you are, and the more like crap they treat you. Believe me, I've been dogsbody to more than one person like that. [And in one case, 'Dogsbody' was the nickname they gave me.] I've grown, gotten more mature, and have learned to recognise that sort of person. My religion taught me to turn the other cheek, but I've discovered that there is an art to it. It's not a matter of being a punching bag for someone. Putting up with crap might be considered a strength in some religious circles, but at the end of the day, if you are putting up with that crap because you don't have the brains to remove yourself from the situation, then you are entirely to blame. Admittedly, there are some places you can't remove yourself from things like that. For instance, if you have a particularly bad teacher at school. In that case, you'll have to learn to bite the bullet, turn the other cheek and put up with it for a year (and hope you don't get the same teacher again the following year). In the case of having a bad boss, you have two choices. First, is to outlast the boss. I've done that before. The second is to find another job and move. I've done that as well. If you choose to stay to outlast the boss, make sure you have someone who actually moves companies. If the person has been in the same job for twenty odd years (and isn't due to retire), I'd follow option two. If they have worked at twenty different companies over the last ten years, you are most likely going to last longer. A year is a shoter time than most people think. (And when you get older, it gets even shorter. Geees, I'll be eighty five by brekfast tomorrow). Anyone caught in a situation where they need only last a year (like the school teacher example above), can do the time quite easily. Whether you chose to count the days down or not is up to you. A lot of what peole do has to do with what they get as a pay off. If they're using you as a punching bag, if they're trashing your name because they are getting attention and making it look like you are persecuting them, then the best thing is to cut them loose. If you are not there to be a punching bag, not there to be 'persecuting them' as they like to tell people, then they lose their payoff. After all, if you have nothing to do with them, how can you be doing anything bad to them ... they'll move onto another punching bag till they eventually run out of friends or get a bad reputation (hopefully. I know an old flatmate who just keeps moving social groups, but keeps a core group of followers to complain to ... I don't know how she does it, but she always convinces this group that someone at some time is persecuting her). Cut them loose, remove the source of their 'attentino grabbing antics', which is YOU! Lastly, I'll dispense some more advice [I think I got this from 'Chicken Soup for the Soul', but I might be wrong]. You have two choices when you face the new day. You can chose to have your past weigh you down [yeah, I need to follow this advice myself, as I'm almost all baggage], or you can choose to let it go and move on with your life. It's hard. As I said, I am almost all baggage. The most happiest and prosperous times I've experienced was when I didn't allow these sorts of people weigh me down. I was once told, 'If you make a mistake, just keep going'. It sort of works in music (if you keep playing, people often don't realise you've made a mistake ... unless it's glaringly obvious). In the case of these, 'idiots', there wasn't a mistake as such. It's more a learning experience. The mistake would be to allow them to continue in your life and keep tearing you down. Just keep on going in life none the less. As the Aussie saying goes, 'Don't let the bastards tear you down.' It's a good saying. If they do tear you down, break your stride or blow the wind out of your sails, and you didn't cut them loose, then you are the one who is to blame. [If they keep hunting you down, that's a different story. I might talk on that as well, as I've been hunted down before as well]. Summary: If they are NOT your friends and keep treating you like crap for attention or something, CUT THEM LOOSE. Move on with your life, don't let them tear you down. Caveat: This advice is free, and you don't have to follow it. I won't get upset if you think you know better. Life is a learning experience, and sometimes what works for one person will not always work for another. If you really dislike this advice, you can print it onto toilet paper and use it as you see fit. :-)