The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

12 July, 2006

Superman - Handbag Snatcher [PARTE TWO]

Bringing up Kal-L, or Karaku Kento, and he is knowing in Japan, was not easy for Jonathan and Martha. First, there was the nappy changing problems. Well, normally it wasn't the removal of the nappy that they had a problem with. Kal-l could do that easily on his own just by releasing wind. The problem was repairing holes in the roof, or walls where the nappy (if it survived) went through. Clarke's problems were many. Ordinary things just didn't seem to work for him. Like doors and walls. Often, he could tell the difference, because as a toddler, he'd just walk through them. Jonathan had to have a talk to Jor-L. He went down into the new barn (much bigger and better than the old one, and now with improved basement for holding the spaceship). 'Daggnammitty, Jor-L,' said Jonathan. 'You're going to have to give me some hints in how to bring up this kid of yours. His gas is blowing the house walls off, his pee is making holes in the roof and killing passing birds. He's worse than the daggnammity Gremlins I bought back with me from world war two. You've got to give me some hints!' 'Well, first of all, Jonathan, I think maybe making a titanium nappy to contain some of those blasts might work.' 'How, diggity dagnam, am I supposed to put a titanium nappy on the kid? There's no way to stick the safety pins in the thing!' 'Luckily, I've got the Encyclopeida Kryptonia with me. I've devised plans on exactly how to do that.' And so it was that for most of his youth, Clarke Kent was wearing Titanium nappies. They became so bulky that he began to wear them on the outside of all his clothes. Wearing underwear on the outside became a normal thing for Clarke, and even after he learned to control his bodily functions, he maintained his idosyncratic underwearing style. Of course, having been brought up on a farm with cows, Gremlins, a holographic father and weakling humans for step parents, Kal-L basically did what he wanted. There was no method to curb him, or punish him when he did wrong. The cows started giving sour milk ... which Jonathan used to corner the market in yogurt. The Gremlins cowered in fear and behaved temselves. No longer burning barns down, nor settin fire to random cows, the Gremlins had to allie themselves to Jonathan and Martha for some form of protection from Clarke. Jor-L, being no more than a holographic image residing in the spaceship, was unable to offer much help in the matter. After all, if he was there in body and spirit, he coudl possibly control the child. Alas, all that remained was his intelligence and wisdom. As we all know, eventually Martha and Jonathan died. Little is known about this, except it involved a giant pea shooter than Clarke had fashioned from a cement pipe. Being the super strong being that he was, rather than shooting peas at his class mates, Clarke would shoot cows. It was a bit of a problem getting the cows into the pea shooter to begin with, but Clarke was strong enough to do so. You can imagine the terror on his classmates faces when a much squished cow would land fair and squarely on their car windscreens. Normally there was a sort of farewarning though. Most students learned to duck when they heard the familiar sound of: Ptoooooh! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOooooooooooOOOOooooooooooooOOOooooooooooooooooooooo! SPLAT! Eventually, one of the cows, Bernardette, became so adept at being shot from the pea shooter, that she went on to have a successful Hollywood career as a stunt cow. [That's her in the picture above]. In fact, having been around Clarke so much had caused some of his super powers to rub off, due to his DNA coming off his hands when squishing her into the peashooter. The DNA infected her and began to get absorbed into her body. Some of the movies you might remember her from are - Wolverines stunt double in X-Men and X-Men2. Falling cow in Poseiden Adventure [she was in the background]. Stunt driver from Blues Brother's 2000 [Yeah, I didn't watch that one either!]. So, inspite of Clarkes obvious 'out of controlednessedlyness', there was some good that came out of Smallthorpe. Oh, getting back to the accident involving Clarkes adopted parents. Martha's last words were, 'Jonathan, look out for that cow!' and Jonathan's last words were, 'Dag diggity dagnammity dagnam, dagnammit, dagnammity!' Jonathan died the way he alwasy wanted to. With his face buried in breast ... pity it was Bernadettes, whcih isn't exactly the way he wanted to go. Being the soul survivor, Clarke inherited the entire farm, which was worth millions ... but more on that later.