The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

03 January, 2006

Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars Part Five Teen! - now with special sauce.

Meanwhile, at the Chinese National Museum of Weird Archeological Finds, Captain Wei was examining some strange fossils they had dug up in the middle of the Gobi desert. 'Fei Fei,' he said to the museum assistant assigned to him. 'Can you please explain the significance of this find?' 'Of course. What we have is a large slab of bedrock. It is easily from the Jurassic period. We think more accurately the Bathonian era.' 'Ah, they were part of the movie then.' 'No, no Captain, not the movie Jurassic Park. This is from the Jurassic Era.' She slowed down and said, 'Jurassic Era,' very slowly in the hope he understood the difference between a movie and the time period. 'But, I don't understand. Clearly, these are human footprints.' 'Exactly, and as you can see here, they also signed it.' 'Signed it? I was wondering what that was.' 'It's English. It says, "Deibs Was Here one hundred and sixty seven million BC." These prints here are of a hamster, human hybrid type creature. And this here, are the foot prints of a Megalosaur. These over here, are more human footprints. A larger foot size.' 'So, what you are telling me, is some humans have gone back in time, and vandalised the Jurassic period with their graffiti and footprints,' he said it as sarcastically as he could. 'Um ... yes. But the hamster, human footprints are strange. We have never found the bones of such a creature.' 'Could it be a hoax?' 'We thought of that, but unfortunately, the rock is as old as we think. It's solid, it's sedimentary, and we checked other fossils from the area. To create this hoax would have cost over a billion dollars just in the fossils. Then, they needed to get to the area without the Chinese Government noticing. Then they needed to turn solid rock into mud in order to write their name and place their footprints in the mud. Then, change the mud back into solid rock that appears to have been there for millions of years.' 'Maybe they didn't buy the fossils. Maybe they went to a fossil rich area.' 'That's part of the mystery. It's in the middle of a fossil deposit which we have been excavating for over twenty years. If it was a hoax, then they need to have perpetrated it over twenty years ago. Mao had China sewn up tighter than a seventies rocker's leopard skin underwear. No Westerners in or out.' 'This is very disconcerting. Either some Westerner has a time machine somewhere, or they have somehow penetrated our soil in order to conduct this hoax.' 'There is another possibility Captain.' 'Really? What's that?' 'University students.' 'Of course. But, that means that our own University students have the technology to perform this sort of hoax. And what is the significance of the name.' 'Deibs? Never heard the name before.' 'I'll pass it through linguistics. Maybe one of them can help us. Deibs! Deibs! I must remember that.' 'And what happens if we discover it isn't a hoax, Captain.' 'Hmm, that would be very ... it won't be good.' The Captain turned and left. Fei Fei turned back to the large bedrock slab. There was more to it. An X-ray had revealed some sort of gun. She hadn't mentioned it to Captain Wei as they still hadn't figured out how to extract it. She didn't want him concluding it was all a hoax, in case he ordered the slab smashed to pieces to get the gun. There was more to this mystery. She couldn't figure out a way to perform the hoax. As a scientist, she preferred to follow the facts. Using Occam's razor, she would collect the evidence, and prove it either one way or the other. Either this was a great big hoax, or this proved someone somewhere had a time machine. If there was a time machine, who had it, what were they using it for and why had they not tried to take over the world with it? It was all a mystery. What was that hamster creature? It had hands and feet which were half human, and half hamster. Mammals weren't even present in the Jurassic period. Small carnivores, large herbivores ... herds of them. No mammals, not hamsters, no humans ... one of the humans was wearing Nike. Was Nike even around in the seventies? They weren't, not when the hoax would have been performed. What was more confusing, is the slab had been dug up and had been sitting in a vault for those twenty years. The Nike shoe print was of a nineteen ninety nine model only just released. The print looked like it was from a brand new pair. This couldn't possibly be a hoax, unless someone had messed with the internal records. She knew that wasn't possible, as she was amongst the students who dug the slab up twenty years ago. Fei Fei was convinced that someone out there owned and was operating a time machine, and they were wearing Nike's. A time machine could be used to do all sorts of damage. In the hands of the wrong person, it could even be used to take over the world. One thing she was certain of, whoever this person was, they had only recently, or would soon discover the technology. Nobody would be wearing Nike's from nineteen ninety nine in ten years time, or even in one hundred years time. She needed to tell the captain that if it isn't a hoax, then someone had that machine, and they'd visited China in one hundred and sixty seven Million BC.