The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

22 December, 2005

Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars Part Thirteen - (In Colour)

Deibs and Niku arrived back at Deibs place. Their search for Meg and Mel had been uneventful. 'They're HERE!' screamed Deibs as he walked in. Sure enough, both units were standing in the middle of the room, motionless. 'Deibs, we haven't slept, we have work in fifteen minutes and I need to eat.' 'But, they're here!' 'So? I need a shower.' 'I have an idea, we'll switch them on, and use Fuzoku mode!' 'What's Fuzoku mode?' 'Fuzoku is when a woman washes the man with her body.' 'Um ... I really don't think we have time for that.' 'Mos Burger?' 'Mos burger.' 'Sounds like a plan. What about the shower though?' 'Fire hose!' 'Fire hose it is!' 'And don't forget to let your dog out.' 'I don't have a dog.' 'What's that in the corner?' Sure enough, Arlo was sitting in the corner. He was dressed in a black biker uniform and carrying a Smith and Wessen in his little paws. 'Um, Niku. I think that dog has a gun.' 'It does. Did you forget to feed him?' 'I told you, I don't own a dog.' 'Oh, he's a stray then.' 'I don't think stray dogs carry weapons.' 'What about their teeth. Ever had a German Shepherd lock it's jaws on your crutch? Like, it's real painful, you don't want that happening. Or a Doberman biting you on the arse? That leaves some pretty ugly scare tissue. Or a koala biting you on the head? Okay, that's not a dog, but it is still pretty bad, especially when it pees and you smell like koala pee. It's bad, Okay.' Deibs inched away from Niku. He moved a little closer to the remote of the Meg unit. Before he could pick the remote up though, Arlo shot it away from Deibs hand. 'Don't try to activate the units,' said Arlo. 'Wow Deibs, you own a talkin' dog. That's so cool.' 'Niku, I don't own a talking dog. I think it's one of the hamsters.' 'Ah, that makes perfect sense then. You make an elixir from human DNA designed to remove people aggression. What you didn't take into account is that feeding it to hamsters would actually place human DNA in their systems, thus their physiology replaced hamster DNA with human DNA. Thus, they get hands, grow bigger and start to get smarter like a human. Only, their aggression hasn't been removed, and what you thought was aggression genes, are actually enhanced sex drive genes, thus the homo erotic behaviour of the hamsters at Kenji's bar.' 'Huh? Um, yeah, sure Niku. Whatever you just said.' 'If I may interrupt for a moment,' interrupted Arlo. 'I think you need to do something for me.' 'Really?' asked Deibs. 'What might that be?' 'I need some elixir made. You see, the other two hamsters stole the rest of the elixir, they left you a note. only one problem, I want some more of the elixir myself.' 'Are you sure that is wise?' asked Niku. 'It's mutated you from being a hamster. I'm sure Deib's could change you back into being a hamster with another elixir.' 'I don't want another elixir,' Arlo retorted angrily. 'I have two hamster I am seeking revenge on. They have the elixir, they are smart and I don't think being a cute little hamster is going to help me kill them.' 'Oh, kill them,' Deibs nervously laughed. 'We could do that a lot simpler without you needing the elixir. We could just set a giant mouse trap for them and squish them.' 'I don't want you to squish them,' said Arlo. 'I want to serve revenge on them myself. To you, it might be just killing two hamsters, but to me, it's personal!' 'Um ... have you been watching too many movies at all?' asked Niku. 'I haven't had time to watch many movies. Most of what I know, comes from a regressive memory stored in the elixir.' 'Wow! You are smart. I chose some good DNA for that elixir, didn't I.' 'Deibs, did you use your own DNA again? Look at the problem we have with Meg and Mel needing your blood. For a guy whose supposed to be a genius, you miss some very simple things.' 'SILENCE,' yelled Arlo. 'Make the elixir NOW!' 'Um, Niku, I think we might need to phone in sick today.' 'Sick? This is Japan, you either phone in dead or you turn up dying.' 'Okay, phone and tell them we've been kidnapped by a homicidal hamster with a Smith and Wessen, and he's a darn good shot!' 'Let's just not phone at all. Hopefully, they'll put it down to us being baka gaijin and will assume we've gone mad.' 'I've already used "gone mad" three times this week.' 'Then they must be getting used to it then.' 'Come on, both of you,' said Arlo through threatening teeth. 'Down to the basement. Make the elixir.' 'I guess we better do as he says Deibs,' said Niku. Both Deibs and Niku moved down towards the basement. As they went, Niku deliberately stepped on the Meg unit's remote, which was now on the floor. He hoped he was able to press the 'on button' to activate the unit. She was their only hope. Arlo followed close behind them with the gun pointed at them. As they disappeared into the basement, the Meg unit clicked into life. 'Hello, world,' she said.