D'BLOG: Ashish's Mom Meme

I've been tagged by Ashish to do his mom meme.

Subject: Stop or My Mom Will Shoot

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'Why does this remind me of a bad Stalone Movie?' I asked myself as I walked into Rocky Fifteen.

'Because, it is a bad Stalone movie,' my inner voice told me.

'Oh, yeah! I remember the very first one in nineteen seventy six,' I said.

'Yes, and it's twenty twenty six, the fiftieth aniversary,' my inner voice told me. My inner voice was good at maths like that.

'It reminds me of that other thing,' I said.

'What other thing? You mean "Stop or my Mom will shoot"?' asked my inner voice.

'That's the one,' I replied. 'The time I was at the Police Academy and my mother was an instructor.'

'You know something else?' asked my inner voice. 'It was also the name of another stupid movie!'

'What? There's a movie called "Stop or my mom will shoot"?'

'Um ... yeah sure, but I was tlakin about Police Academy.'

'Oh yeah! You're pretty smart for a part of brain that's come lose and has a mind of it's own.'

'Aw, thanks Dabido! Big Orangutan hugs for you!'

So, my inner voice and I walked into the movie.

'GET DOWN IN FRONT!' screamed a person from the back of the cinema.' 'I'm just trying to find my seat,' I replied. Then I realised who it was. It was my mom. 'Better do as she says,' said my inner voice. 'I'm doing it already,' I replied. 'I'm not kidding you, she will shoot,' said my inner voice. 'I know she'll shoot. It's my mother too!' 'SHUT UP! AND SIT DOWN!' she screamed at me. 'Yes, mom!' *BANG* It was too late. She'd shot me in the leg. I crawled out of the cinema into the foyer. 'Is there a phone here?' I asked one of the cinema ushers. 'I'll call you an ambulance,' the usher replied. 'Oh, thanks. Much appreciated.' 'You're an ambulance!' 'Um, when you said you would call me an ambulance, I thought you meant phone one for me.' 'Oh, yeah. That might be more helpful.' So the usher phoned an ambulance. I kept dragging myself out to the street, in the hope it would be safer awy from my mother. I was wrong, she'd followed me to the street. 'Mom,' I said. 'Are you going to help me?' *BANG* Shot in the other leg. Just then the ambulance arrived ... and drove over the top of me. 'Where's the guy who's been shot?' asked the ambulance guy. 'I'm under the ambulance,' I replied. 'What are you doing under there?' the ambulance guy asked. 'You drove over the top of me.' 'Okay, I'll radio it in. Hello, base, we seem to have a guy, shot in both legs and suffering compression wounds from being run over.' 'This is base. Did you run someone over again?' 'Oh, just a little, base.' 'That's it, you're sacked!' 'Well, if that's the case, I'm going home.' And with that the guy got back in the ambulance and left ... reversing over me. 'Gees, this isn't your night,' said the usher, as a parking inspector slapped an infringement notice on my forehead for lying down in carriage way. 'Can you get me to the hospital?' I asked the usher. 'No, but I can call you a taxi,' he replied. 'That'd be nice thanks,' i said. 'Okay, you're a taxi!' 'Maybe it's the lack of blood talking, but I'm not in the mood for your jokes!' 'Jokes?' he wandered off, and back into the cinema complex.

'I guess I better just crawl to the hospital on my own,' I said to myself.

'Oh,' said my inner voice. 'I forgot to tell you. Bus!'

'Bus?'

At this point a bus drove over the top of me.

'Hey, you bus driver?' I asked.

'Who said that?' asked the bus driver.

'Me, you just ran me over! Anyway, do you go near the hospital at all?'

'Yeah, I drive right by it.'

'Good, step on the gas. I'll let go as you're driving past and crawl the rest of the way in.'

And with that, the bus drove off with me clinging to it's undercarriage. As we past the hospital, I let go and crawled the rest of the way in.

'And that Mister Doctor is how I got so injured,' I said.

'I don't know,' said the Doctor. 'It still doesn't explain the chemical burns, the harpoon or the bear trap.'