Psyche and Eros - Part Fourteen
So it was that at dawn the next day, all the gods and goddess had assembled, though no one asked how it was that Apollo, the sun god, was there, when he was supposed to be riding his golden chariot across the sky. In theory, there shouldn't have been dawn if he wasn't doing his thing. If they had of asked, they would have discovered that it had now been outsourced to India, and was running on a Linux System. No one wanted to run the risk of the thing blue screening at night. That'd just be too confusing!
'Dudes, Bettys, Barneys, Gidgets and assembled brodads,' Zeus started. 'I assembled you here at the beach, man, in order to test the brain waves you might be, like, sending out across the Universe. You know, like, I wanna catch some of those brain waves in sorting out something before it becomes a complete wipe out. I speak of course, about the young grommit, Eros, and his total Betty, Psyche. He's like, totally trying to catch this ride, and like, to him it's the best set his seen. He don't wanna wait for a better set, cause he knows, perfect conditions only ever happen on a Wednesday, and this is his big Wednesday! So, I don't want nothing bogus, just cool karma loving suggestions?'
At this point, Hermes translated for everyone.
'Ahem, Ladies and Gentlemen,' Hermes said. 'It has come to Zeus's attention that Eros has fallen in love with the mortal female, Psyche. As Eros is a god, and Psyche a mortal, some people may be looking down upon this union. He is opening a forum here, for all to discuss any method out of this dilemma. Thank you.'
'I say we kill her,' said Hades. 'Death solves all problems.'
'I dithagree,' said Dionysus. 'I thay we get her drunk *hick* and bonk her brainsth out.'
'That's your answer to everything, isn't it Dionysus!' exclaimed Demeter. 'I say we nurture their love. Like plants, they need mulch to grow. I say we bury them both in manure in order for this to happen.'
'They're not plants,' said Hephaestus. 'It's very obvious to me. What we do is melt them down in a furnace and I'll beat the impurities out of them.'
'Now you're just being silly Hephaestus,' said Ares. 'I say we get a Trojan prince to kidnap her and take her back to Troy. Then, we can get the Greeks to build a huge fleet and sail to Troy and smash it to bits!'
'Look, dudes!' said Poseidon interrupting. 'You're sliding off the top and missing the wave. What we need is to get the Betty and her beau together in the back of the same car. Know what I'm saying? Like, if you want to fix the thing, they gotta be riding the same board to tube glory. Let's make them ride the tube together.'
'I have no idea what you just said,' said Aphrodite. 'But, Eros is my son, and I'm not having some mortal floozy get her talons into him.'
All the gods and goddess then tried to interrupt each other to push their ideas.
'Kill her!' ... 'Let's make war!' ... 'Get her drunk!' ... 'Who took my burger?' ... 'Marry them off' ... 'Put them both in manure' ... 'She's not even immortal' ... 'I'm a Lesbian!' ... 'Turn her into a deer and hunt her down!' ... 'Can I get a refill of my wine?' ... 'Stick them both in a dark room!' ... 'Make them both design and maintain a WAN!' ... 'Stick them on big brother!'
'SILENCE! Take a break peoples!' cried out Zeus. 'I'm like, hearing stuff, but I haven't heard anything that floats my board!'
It seemed hopeless.