The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

02 May, 2006

Trading Up Partners

Have I ever blogged about this before? I mnight have in passing ... but here is the principle again for all you single people out there ... as well as the reasons why people don't use this method. The Upgrading BF/GF principle. I can't remember where I first heard about this, but I know a lot of guys/girls I've met use this. Especially when I was younger and in school and University, there would be multitudes of people I knew who used this. Now that I'm older, I don't hear it discussed as much, mainly as the people who are still using it get stuck at the 'well, this is as good as I am going to get' stage. Here is how the principle works. There is one main assumption to this method, and that is this theorem: It is easier to get a GF/BF if you already have one, than if you don't. I've found this theorem to be correct, having heaps of girls 'want me' when ever I've been in a relationship, and somehow becoming a pariah of sorts when I am single. First, of all you neither need to be single nor in a relationship, the only thing needed is that you are looking to improve your current position in the 'imaginary dating league' that exists. This will probably mean you are either single, OR you are in a relationship where you consider the person you are dating beneath you in some way or form. [Or they're just plain annoying]. So, what you do, is look around at the market place. [ie all the single guys and girls you have to pick from]. Try to find one you consider the best of the bunch. If you consider them BETTER than what you have (and if you are single, anything will be considered 'better' for the purpose of this exercise, though in reality being single might actually be better than dating the selected candidate!) If you have a BF/GF at the time, dump them. Grab the BEST of the bunch that you have selected. Remember, you are being a hunter here. Imagine this bunch of candidates as a herd of zebra, and you are the all consuming big cat [insert lion, leopard, cheatah or cat of your choice. If you chose tiger, you will need to stop imagining the zebra and insert some other herd beast you (as a tiger) can eat]. Now, hunt that animal down and make them your own. Now, you've obviously moved up in the 'imaginary dating league'. Whether it's from hopelessly single, or from BF/GF mark I to BF/GF mark II, you've now grabbed a better candidate. [In theory]. Now, even before you've grabbed this candidate you will have one of two things in mind. Either they do not meet your needs BEFORE you've grabbed them (in which case you're going to be looking at the 'NEW HERD' almost imediately), or you'll be waiting to see if the new BF/GF meets your needs as a BF/GF. Now, if you have moved up in the 'imaginary dating league', then you will notice a few things happen. First, you should have some new candidates appear. These are 'better' choices than were available before. So, this is where we once again decide whether to trade up or not. Look at the 'New Herd'. Is there a cuter zebra amongst this lot? Is there a zebra you want? Well, make your move big cat. As you go along, just keep repeating this process UNTIL you arrive at the zebra you really want to eat. Then, keep them. :-) PROBLEMS IN THE PRINCIPLE As some of you might already guess, there are a few problems in this principle. Though I know of hundreds of people who have used it to find partners, I've never really measured the success [and I'm not sure anyone else ever has either]. BUT, here are the main obvious problems. First, it leaves a string of 'hurt' people in it's wake. This is one of the reasons I've NEVER EVER done the trading up thing myself. In spite of lots of offers along my journey in life, if I'm in a relationship, I'm either 100% committed, or I leap out and pull the rip cord. Let's face it, some relationships just NEVER work. If you find yourself in one, then leave. Don't keep beating a dead horse making it bad for both of you. So, unless you're willing to leave heart broken people along the way, then don't try this method. It doesn't mean you have to be cruel when you break up with your partners. You can be very nice and still be friends afterwards ... but lets face it, if you are dating someone 'below your league' so to speak, then they may feel they lost the best thing that ever happened to them ... and if you are nice enough about it all, maybe they'll be right. Second problem I see is the, 'what if I get to a plateau?' That's right, you can start trading up, and suddenly, you run out of zebras. Other cheatahs and lions have come and eaten all the good ones. [Oh boy, have we all heard that one before!] Suddenly, you find yourself with a zebra that just isn't appetising enough, yet there are no better ones around in the herd. Houston, we have a problem!!! [What's a cheatah doing on an Apollo mission anyway?] You now have two choices. One, is to go out looking harder! That's right, you're a hunter, find a bigger better herd! That might mean going to new bars ... expensive bars ... bars where the good looking rich zebras party! The ones where the drinks are $20 a pop ... and come in really small glasses ... like, so small you would swear they're really contact lenses! You don't need to restrict yourself to bars though. I've seen many a guy do the 'Church Hop' going from local church to locl church looking for suitable zebras. Or even joining a club where the suitable zebras hang out in ... like, guys can take up Yoga to meet girls ... or girls can take up some 'computer club' thing whre a bunch of rich geeks hang out. You get the idea. Be creative. The other choice is to sit tight and hope something better comes along. Actually, in my younger days, this is sort of what happened to me in my marriage. [As explained to me by my missus.] She admitted she married me, though always had the intention of running off with someone else. My advice to you all, NEVER EVER MARRY SOMEONE IF YOU DON'T INTEND TO STAY FOR LIFE. [That's right, marriage is a life sentence!] That's doesn't mean you can't leave them if you find out they're a loopy psychopath or something ... just, make sure your motives are right BEFORE you make such a committment. Of course, there is then the problem that something better may never come along, or that you go hunting and the land is bare of zebras. What do you do then? Well, now comes a different sort of hunting. You can either stay with the zebra you're with. [Love the one you're with - as the song says]. Or, you can go looking for a zebra in the same league, and hope that you get a better fitting zebra. The zebra you end up with might actually be a nice zebra that you an spend the rest of your days with ... in which case you may have done very well for yourself. If they're not, and they just aren't compatible, then you need to find a better fit. As I said, the plains are bare of zebras you want, so you're not trading up now ... you're hunting best fit zebras ... a zebra that, though not 100% appetising, is one that will at least keep you feeling well nourished. Then there is another problem. What if you're trading up, and you're trying to get BEYOND what you consider your league? You nab the fat juicey zebra, but find that zebra is really a cheatah and you're the zebra ... well, there is the possibility that they're going to dump you for a better zebra ... try not to take it so personally if this is the case. After all, they are living by the same principle you are, so it's not you ... it's just the way the principle works. What if you find the perfect zebra and they run away? Highly possible. Seen it before. Person A meets Person B ... Person B is perfect, they meet, date ... then B runs off screaming ... that's right, it's not them, it is you!!!! Well, it was probably never meant to be. They may have been perfect for you, but you weren't perfect for them ... [by perfect I don't mean a perfect person, I mean a perfect fit ... no one is perfect.] Well, I better leave it there. If you do decide to follow this principle, it might be nice to coerce a friend into starting it with you, that way you both can go hunting, and when you break up, you're not hurting anyone, as you're both hunters. [Hopefully, if you can time it right, you both can trade up at the same time]. So if you do follow it, happy hunting, and remember, at anytime you may be the cheatah, you may be the zebra! :-)