Teaching & the Bored Dabido!

Well, I got up nice and early this morning. Mainly as I was going to be teaching, and I wanted to review all the stuff. So, I was sitting here going through my lesson plan, and my mother was constantly interupting me! There was not one minute that went by without her complaining to me, calling me, sticking her head in the room and telling me crap that I really don't give two flying fishfingers about! She was either bored lonely or BOTH! Grrrrr! Anyway, after a while she asked what I was up to ... and I told her ... and sheacted all innocent and went away. Last night we played musical chairs wit the cars in the garage as she wanted to get it so her's was available for her to leave at 8AM. She didn't leave. On top of that, because she found I was ignoring her, she went and phoned her mother. When I had to leave, she was too busy on the phone, so I had to wait ten minutes before I could leave. She tried to give me a list of things to buy for her at the shops, but I was not sure I was going to get a chance to go to the shops. Well, I did! I went to the shops as I needed red cotton for the Knights Outfit s well as a T-Shirt and some T-Shirt transfer paper we are going to use to get the Heraldry onto the Knights costume. [The T-Shirt is for the Sleves. I think I mentinoed it yesterday!] Anywat! I got that done, and arrived in time to find out I had a whole TWO people in the course. I won't go into the schmozzle that has caused that, but needless to say, if it had been done right, it would have been full, and we would have been turning people away! [Instead, some people filled the Libraries courses up instead and left us without any pupils!] Well, I asked if they still wanted me to run it ... they said yes, and they promised more people by next week. So, I did the course with two nice old ladies who turned up. One of them kept complaining that she hated computers etc etc etc etc etc ... hopefully I calmed her nerves down a little, and hopefully she'll experience more confidence next week. [In fact, she kept saying she might not come back ... but at the end of the lesson, she said I was such a nice tolerant and calm person that she felt she could return. PHEW!] I stayed back trying to fix the friggin' server (which won't allow anyone on the internet yet. I keep following the instructions ... but FRIGGIN' Microsoft ... nothing works as it's supposed to!) Anyway, I'll work some more on that tomorrow IF there is another class for me. Word yesterday afternoon was 'NO', phone and find out tomorrow morning! FRIG! FRIG! FRIG! Anywat, I may be working tomorrow, I may not! I'm friggin' not happy!!!! But that's okay. You know what they say, 'Some people see a sand trap, other people see a green.' Of course, I see neither, as I live far from golf courses! Golf courses are dangerous! BUT, it is a challenge. So, if there is no class, I'm going to make the most of it and study (provided I can keep my mother from interupting me constantly).

*****

On another note, she friggin' annoyed me yesterday over something. When I was Nineteen I was thrown out of home. My parents moved to a house which was too small for all of us to fit into (six of us, and only room for ... well, about four people, as it was a two bedroom house, and my sister got to live in a sun room for a while). BUT, I had both my parents yelling and screaming at me to get out of the house etc. A bout two years ago I had an argument with my mother over this, as she now claims no such thing ever happened. It annoys me and friggin' p*sses me off that my parents could do such a thing and make it all look a lot different to what it was really like. The problem is the entire family (except my brother Jeff) seems to have swallowed the 'family history' version of the event (ie, that David was a Bastard who upset everyone by running away). YET, Jeff remembers me being yelled at and told to get out as there wasn't room for me in the new house! So, yesterday, we started talking. The subject came up about what we should have done for a living. My mother said she didnt' know what Jeff was going to be. He was always pretty aimless, and to be perfectly honest, my parents never really invested much in him as they always thought he wasn't going to be anything anyway. Which is a shame, as he has a lot more going for him than they ever gave him credit for. ANYWat, THE NEXT Thing which came up was MY VOCATION. My mother insisted I missed mine. She always talks about how I was an 'A' grade student and my teachers always wanted me to become a Doctor or a Lawyer. (And stupid David always wanted to be a musician, artist or writer.) My father always turned his nose up at anyone suggesting I'd ever be anything. [Yeah, Yeah, i know ... this all sounds like Dabido's therapy sessions ... well, it is ... that's part of the reason I have a blog, to get a lot of this stuff out of my system.] Anywat, I asked my mother what she thought I was going to be (especially seems as when I was a teenager she used to go out of her way to interupt me and stop me studying then ... so nothing has changed!) She didn't know, but she didn't think I had any interest in computers what-so-ever! That amazed me. I and my elder brother were the ones who wanted a computer. I did computing courses at College when I was still in High School ... I even used to program the computer we had at home ... yet at NO TIME did it ever occur to my mother that I had any interest in computing at all! Now, my brother Paul, she knew he had an interest in computers ... because he was always programming the one we had as teenagers. Well, it was probably more noticable, as I was thrown out of home a year after we got the computer. ANYWAT, the thing which really angered me, as somewhere in the conversation, my mother started berating me for 'LEAVING HOME' at that time. She insisted that I should have spoken to her! WHICH IS WEIRD, as I have very clear memories of trying to speak to her as a teenager and she just didn't want to know anything. She just insisted that she wanted me out of the house! It makes me so angry that my family have re-written history and somehow my getting thrown out of home has been twisted to make them look like friggin' victims! It pisses me off that my brother Jeff remembers me being yelled at all the time and told to go, yet not one other member of the family can remember it. I'm left wondering what all my suffering was about. I almost starved to death on the streets, I almost froze to death in winter ... and yet somehow my family have exonerated themsleves on any responsiblity what-so-ever! I think the thing which frustrates me the most, is I can't talk about it to them, or even bring it up (because I never do), as it always results in an arguement. Somehow I'm still in the wrong. It makes me angry and depressed to know that my family have spread this lie for the last twenty one years and people in my own family, extended family and their friends all look down at me because of it. Anywat, I think I've always been meaning to write my life story, and to prove it's real, (and I'm not making anything up), I want to take some lie detector tests. They're getting to the point where they're almost 100% accurate. There is the one where they do a PET scan and test whether you're accessing the part of the brain which stores memory or the part of the brain which makes stuff up. My life has been a wierd up and down rollercoaster, where my self esteem was beaten into a pulp by the sort of family history re-writing that my family has always done. There was a lot of times in my life when I'd even sabotage my own success, just because I'd fallen into a victim mentality, where my own family had made me so convinced of my undeservedness of anything good, that I'd become a victim. Sometimes I wonder if the only way to set myself free is to write the book of my life. Not because I want to hurt my family, but because I need the truth to come out in order to free my own self. So that I can be me, and can be a success and won't allow myself to become a silent victim who allows others to lie about me and swallows the truth in order to keep the peace. Anyway, maybe I'm exposing too much of myself here. Is my Teflon suit falling apart on me? I don't know. Should I write the book?