Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars Part Twelve (Manga with no conscience)

Daiki Katou walked into his police station. He was the senior sergeant, and everything, no matter how trivial, no matter how small, went through him. Constable Tsubasa Tamura looked up from the desk. He'd had a crazy night. Katou had to hear this. 'What's the news Tamura?' 'We have one lady in the hospital, claims she was attacked by Vampire. Has big bite marks on her neck like you wouldn't believe. Came in here screaming like crazy.' 'We get crazies all the time, what else?' 'We've pulled Tayo up.' 'Tayo? Tayo the Yakuza Gang Boss?' 'Yeah. One and the same.' 'What did we get him for?' 'Dangerous driving. Now he's claiming he was attacked by giant hamsters.' 'Giant Hamster Yakuza Gang? Never heard of them.' 'No, giant hamsters. Not a gang. He claims they were real live giant hamsters with a pellet gun.' Katou paused, 'Um ... Okay. Has he seen a police shrink?' 'Not yet. We figured he might be high on something, thought he might sleep it off.' 'Yakuza sell that crap, they don't use it. Wonder if he's been drugged?' 'No idea. What do you think is up?' 'Gang war is my guess. Get me agent Sugawara.' Haruna Sugawara was the best source for what was happening on the streets. If she didn't know what was going down, then no one else on this side of the law would. She entered Katou's office. Katou was facing the window. 'I want to know what's happening, Sugawara,' Katou said, without taking his eyes off whatever was amusing him outside. 'Well,' said Haruna pulling up a wooden seat and sitting on it backwards. Her blouse was half unbuttoned, and the way she wore it, it didn't seem like a uniform as much as a striper-gram's costume. 'The word up is their is a big gang war on the way. The Llama's are making big moves on everyone else's territory.' 'Which "everyone else" are we talking about?' 'The Goo Dragons, Hells Buffalo's, the Undercover Monkey's.' 'I thought the Undercover Monkey's died in a shoot out with the Beer Guzzlers.' 'No, there are two left, and two Beer Guzzlers.' 'Ah, so they fight perpetually like yin and yang.' 'No, they are best friends.' 'Eh? The criminal mind is so strange. One day shooting to kill, the next sleeping together.' 'I think you mean, in bed together.' 'Same, same, but different.' 'They were last seen frequenting a gay bar.' 'Ah, four gay men lusting after each other's bodies. That makes sense. So they are sleeping together.' 'Um ... maybe. Or they just have hentai streaks.' 'The good old chikan criminal mind. Always tying each other up with rope and torturing each other. So chikan ero!' 'Um ... yeah, sure. Well, the word is out that the Llama's have already taken The Thuggie's territory.' 'Really?' 'Well, he is in jail. Not much he can do till he gets out.' 'Eh? Only one of them left. Looks like our zero tolerance policy is working. Kill them all, put the ones we aren't allowed to kill in jail. Works every time!' 'I heard they had Tayo locked up.' 'Yes, dangerous driving. At first they thought he was drunk, then drugged up. All the blood tests came back negative. We think he's lost his mind. Total gurui!' 'Gurui? How strange ... he was the architect of the territory take over bid. What happened?' 'He claims he was being attacked by giant hamsters.' Haruna laughed. 'Eh, he is not insane. He is going to try for an insanity plea. More likely, he was being shot at by some Hell's Buffalo and wants to pretend he was gurui. He makes me laugh that Tayo.' 'You know him well?' Haruna moved the chair and lent across the desk. As she did so, her blouse hung loose and Daiki got a look at more than he should have. The blood rushed away from his brain so fast he almost fainted. 'When I was undercover for a while, I was his mistress. It was ... deep cover.' The way she said, 'deep cover', was so seductive Daiki's desk rose an inch off the floor. 'Uh, sure. Deep cover. Good for you.' 'Are you sure you don't want me to ... interrogate him.' Something squirted from under the desk and hit Daiki square in the eye. He took his handkerchief out and cleaned his face. 'Um, no, no, Sugawara. I think that's all for now. Er ... dismissed.' 'Sure thing ... senior Sergeant.' Haruna turned and walked seductively out of the office. Darn it, thought Daiki, why does she always do that to me?