The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

16 December, 2005

Dabido Pimps Himself

Dabido Pimps Himself - Brough to you by the numbers 1, 31, googleplex and a half and minus infinity point two. Since the dawn of time, women have sort crazy cavemen like dudes with which to make babies and possibly get a relationship. It has been difficult for them, with most cavemen having on two words vocabularies, consisting of 'Beer!' and 'Food!' Enter, the articulate geek. Ridiculed at school by the jocks. Put down by the tarts who sleep with anyone in school, except the geeks. Teased and beaten up by the teachers who had nothing better to do at lunch. Pee'd on by the dogs that just happen to be walking past the bus stop. Is this not the real man that women have been yearning for? Is this not the guy they want (once they get the dog urine smells off him)? The answer is a possible, 'Yes', with a caveat longer than a Dabido comment. So, what sort of man is this 'articulate geek'? What sort of things does he get up to? To make a quick list here are the things he does:
  • Plays Guitar, drums, keyboards, cello, clarinet, plus more. (Once saw a flute).
  • On holidays - White Water Rafts, skydives, scuba, snorkling, mountain bike riding ... basically anything along those sorts of lines in order to relax a little.
  • Hobbies - Painting, drawing, computer games, blogging, writing, write music, warhammer, scrabble, fixing up his mothers house.
  • Previous Jobs - Studio Musician, Programmer, Systems Analyst, Systems Administrator (Unix), Network Engineer, Graphic Designer, actor, lots of other crap things.
  • Unfinished Degrees (in order of starting) - Geology, Physics, Computer Science, Arts, Fine Arts, General Studies. Plans to return to finish all one day.
Of course, things go more than one way - as with most interviews/dates/sales pitches, their are two sides of the equation. The first one consists of you asking, 'Do I want this product?' The second one consists of the product asking, 'Do I want this customer?' In my case, the answer is probably, 'No'. After all, getting 'A Girl Friend' is not a difficult proposition. The world is full of ladies, in fact, most of the world is full of ladies with them out numbering men by a full four percent. That means that we either need four percent of ladies to either be happy with no man, or to become a man for their newly aquired GF (and lesbian persona). Of course, with the Bionic GF just around the corner (and let's face it Japan has already unveiled a few prototypes), the competition for a good BF is getting more difficult. With this product though, we find it is sligtly more difficult to reel him in and land him. After all, he comes with a fully functional Teflon Suit. The drawback to the suit, is it means it will be difficult to rip through it to get to the product. Luckily, the suit is not just packaging, and once through, you will find it is a good deterant against other would be suiters trying to steal your man. So, what are the minimal system requirement to get this guy installed? Let's have a look:
  • Intelligence - (this guy doesn't run on stupid women. They just switch him off - they don't have the CPU power to handle him).
  • Fidelity - Must be the only BF installed at any one time.
  • Independence - Must be able to hold own opinions. If those opinions differ from those of the product, that is fine, as long as both are able to agree to disagree.
  • Pacifist - The product does not like being beaten into a pulp. No matter how many times you might say something like, 'You love it,' the fact of the matter is, the product does not. Don't misuse the product.
  • Nice - Most people think they are nice. If, however, you feel you can abuse anyone in the street for any reasons at any time just because you can, then you are not the one for Dabido.
  • Computer Literate - Like computers? The product likes computers, and if you do too, then maybe you have something in common.
  • Non-Jealous - if you are the sort that turns green, or who hits your BF because some girl looked at him, then maybe you have insecurity problems. Check them at the door.
  • Likes Games - That's games like Scrabble, not mind games like 'Guess why I am angry at you?'
  • Communicates well - Don't expect the product to GUESS what the problem is. It has dated many girls, and they are not all the same. What bothers one does not necessarily bother another one. If it bothers you, speak up (or forever have to listen to the products Pipa playing!)
Caveat: The product is 40 years old. He's been around a while, and if you are after a newer model, from say perhaps, the 1980's or 1990's, then you have come to the wron store. The product is approximately 165 cm (5'5") in height. It weighs about 85 KG at present (but yoyo's between 80 and 100 kg most of the time). The product is allergic to most edible substances on earth. Don't order food for him, or attempt to feed him, he's pretty good at doing that himself. The products hair length at present is somewhere between the top photo and the bottom one. He is about to get it cut. The product is picky. More information is available from our product department by e-mailing: cyber_bear AT bigpond.com The product has the right to reject any and all bids. The prodcut lives in Perth and cannot be e-mailed, faxed or shipped by freight to anywhere in the world at present. [He can get on a plane though if he wants to and has a passport].