Death match between the 'Collective Unconsciousness' and the 'World Spirit'

WARNING: Contains imagery not suitable to Children or possibly People of high moral or religious persuasions. Dabido sitting in front of a Television watching a Pay Per View Death match. Act One, Scene One 'Ladies and Gentlemen,' screamed the announcer into the microphone in the middle of a boxing ring. 'Tonight, for the first time EVER on the face of the planet, we are about to witness, the Death match between one 'Collective Unconsciousness' and the 'World Spirit'.' Two commentators speak over the top of the announcer as he continues to drone on in the background. 'Welcome back to our home viewers in Siberia. I'm Renee Descartes and my fellow commentator and Ex professional Philosophising Wrestler is Socrates. So, Socrates, what can you tell us about our two competitors tonight.' 'Well Renee, it's going to be a very interesting match. First of all, we have Jung's 'Collective Unconsciousness' in the blue corner. Defending champion at the moment of the Philosophising Wrestlers Federation. In the red corner of course, is Hegel's 'World Spirit'. He's held the belt in the Philosophising World Wrestling Association, but lost it some years ago to Bertrand's Paradox.' 'For those who remember the match, Bertrand's Paradox rang a circle around 'World Spirit', before striking a chord across it and turning it into a triangle.' 'It did indeed Renee. World Spirit did try to bisect him, but couldn't work out if he was further or nearer away.' 'What was the chances of that happening, Socrates?' 'Exactly fifty percent, Renee. But we digress. Tonight we have 'World Spirit' coming into the ring as Napoleon on a horse.' 'Why is that Renee?' 'Well, Hegel did say that when he saw Napoleon on a horse, he saw the World Spirit, so it is obvious they are one and the same person.' 'But surely Hegel meant it in the sense that the concept of the World Spirit was represented by what he saw in Napoleon.' 'On a horse.' 'Well, yes, Napoleon on a horse. So surely we can't actually use Napoleon on the horse for this match.' 'Of course we can. If he represented it then, then surely he can represent it tonight. We'll see if it is destined to unfold.' 'Fine. And how is the collective unconsciousness coming out tonight.' 'Well, as all human kind is a part of the collective unconsciousness, we've decided that it already resides in Napoleon's mind.' 'So, Napoleon is in fact going to be fighting this battle with himself.' 'Technically, yes.' 'Then how will we know who has won?' 'As with most metaphysical battles, it's difficult to tell, as there is usually very little proof of any of the concepts actually existing.' 'So, we won't know?' 'Not exactly Renee, as Philosophers, we'll just do what most metaphysicians do, and make it up as we go along.' 'Thanks Socrates. It looks like we're ready. The scantily clad model is walking around the ring holding the sign up saying “Round One”' 'But is she really? Can we truly be sure? I think she is, therefore she am.' 'Stop that Socrates, you're cracking me up!' said Renee without a trace of amusement. DING DING 'There's the bell,' continued Renee. 'Looks like the World Spirit has the Collective Unconsciousness on the ropes.' 'Unfortunately, that was the World Spirits only one true purposeful move, and looks like the rest of the match will belong to the Collective Unconsciousness.' 'What's that he's using now, Socrates.' 'It's an archetypical half nelson, used by most of the humans throughout the world. Now, the chair to the head and a kick in the groin.' 'It's sad to watch Napoleon doing this to himself.' 'In a way, yes. In another way, who cares, he was such a pratt anyway!' 'As a Frenchman myself, Socrates, I'd like to disagree because of all the good he did for France.' 'Yes, but what of the damage he did to the rest of the world.' 'Oh, look. His hit himself in the stomach. That must hurt.' 'I bet he'll be holding that gut ache for a while.' 'I must concur. I suggest he get a bag of ice after the match, and hold it there for quite some time.' 'The horse is getting in on the act as well.' 'As you know, the horse is only fighting on the side of the World Spirit, not being a part of the Human Collective Unconsciousness.' 'Of course. It's part in the World Spirit is very limited though. In fact, it's almost so insignificant that it may have little bearing on the match.' 'Now, the Collective Unconsciousness has gone for the kick in the nuts.' 'Yes, a very archetypical move there. One thing the human race can be sure of, is when in trouble, they all go for the goulies!' 'So sad to watch a man kick himself there.' 'Yes, yes it is. The World Spirit of course being able to use chance happenings like that to it's own purposes normally.' 'Why is that Socrates?' 'Just the way history is predetermined by it.' 'So, the collective unconsciousness has to stick to something more predictable in order to beat the World Spirit.' 'Yes, sticking to predictable things will not allow the World Spirit to dominate or exploit those sorts of moves. The collective unconsciousness only being able to use things common to all humans anyway.' 'So sucking the horse off isn't one of those.' 'No, I think Napoleon is just doing that on his own. I don't know where in History that would determine anything, and it's certainly not an archetypical thing everyone would do.' 'So, really. What we're witnessing now is ... ?' 'Napoleon getting down and dirty with an old nag.' 'Just like when he was with Josephine. So, I guess the metaphysical battle is now over.' 'And so it is. The announcer would like to announce a winner, if he could only get Napoleon off that horse.' 'Do you think that signifies a win for the World Spirit? After all, Hegel did say he saw the World Spirit on a horse.' 'Um ... not like that he didn't.' 'So the winner is the Collective Unconsciousness.' 'Of course. And in the back of our minds somewhere, we all knew that already!' 'A technical knock out then.' 'I'd say it was predetermined.' 'Well, there you have it ladies and Gentlemen. Next week we'll be bringing you Mike Tyson verses John Donne in a Jacobian Metaphysical Poetry showdown.' 'I can tell you who my money's on.' 'I think all our money is on the same guy. Good night Socrates, thanks for being here.' 'My pleasure Renee.' 'And good night our home viewers.' Cuts to ending credits, but some mumbling off screen could still be heard. 'Do you think they'll get Napoleon off the horse, Renee?' 'Shouldn't be too long. He's renowned for not lasting much more than three minutes.' QUEUE: DEATH MATCH THEME MUSIC