The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

28 November, 2005

Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars Part 3

Deibetto arrived home late. He politely nodded at the young Japanese man peeing on his tree in the front of the apartment building. He also politely nodded to Tanaka San, the landlady who also lived on the top floor. She was on her way to the local Mos Burger place to buy a whale burger. Deibetto had one of the apartments on the ground floor. He was fortunate as he also had access to the basement where he was able to work on his secret experiments. His friend Niku had a key to his apartment, as Niku was doing the programming on his secret project. He entered the apartment and heard the booming beats of Niku's music. He immediately recognised the tune, 'You Taste Better When I'm Knurd', one of Niku's best. He checked his fridge. Left overs; Rice, rice with seaweed, rice with seaweed and cucumber, sushi with rice, seaweed and cucumber, more rice, one month old rice ... going green. Man! Isn't there anything without rice? He chose a bottle of Johnny Walker and coke, then headed down the stairs to the basement. BOOM BOOM BOOOM 'You Taste better when I'm Knurd' BOOM BOOM BOOM Niku noticed Deibetto come down the stairs. He was pretty excited. He typed a few extra lines and compiled the program. Pressed the transfer button. A little blue bar appeared on the screen of Niku's laptop. It slowly grew across the screen with the words 'Transfer 30% complete', it kept incrementing, forty percent, fifty percent, sixty percent. 'We're almost ready Deibs,' Niku said. 'Cool,' replied Deibetto as he danced to the techno beat while sipping his scotch and coke. Niku had a bottle of the same stuff next to him and took a big swig. 'One Hundred Percent, now for the next unit,' Niku said. He clicked a button, selected the next unit M.E.L. and clicked the transfer button. 'First Unit ready?' 'Yep!' Deibetto picked up a remote marked M.E.G. and pressed a little red button with the international standard 'on/off' symbol on it. Finally they had completed the dream of almost every male geeky nerd in existence. They had their own working Robotic Girlfriends. Meg stirred to life. 'Hello world,' she said as she sat up straight. 'Hello world?' Deibetto asked. 'Um, standard geek program. When most people learn to write a new language, normally the first thing they learn is to write a "hello world" program. It just prints "Hello World" to the screen normally,' replied Niku. 'Oh, guess it makes sense,' said Deibetto. Then continued on by addressing Meg. 'Please, stand up.' The Meg unit stood up. 'Coooooooooooool,' said Niku and Deibetto together. Niku noticed the transfer had finished to the M.E.L. unit and picked up it's remote. He pressed the on/off button. The Mel unit stirred to life. 'Hello world,' said the Mel unit. 'Hello Mel,' said the Meg Unit. 'Hello Meg,' replied the Mel Unit. 'Sooo cool man! We have two working girlfriend units. We'll be the envy of all the guys in Tokyo! We're so cool,' said Deibetto. 'Wait till we finish running some diagnostics on it matey. We don't want one of these babes malfunctioning when we're out in public with them,' said Niku. He pressed a button on his laptop screen marked 'Run Diagnostics Unit M.E.L.' He then pressed the same for the M.E.G. unit. The eyes in the Meg and Mel units rolled backwards, then kept rolling like a Vegas one armed bandit trying to find three lemons. CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK Both machines moved forward and started performing dance routines Madonna would have been proud to have performed. Then, they started going through Tai Chi moves. They then tried some special 'flying squirrel dirty swamp dragon' moves, a martial art designed specifically for the two units. Then, the both landed together in the middle of the room, stood perfectly still for ten seconds. Then, they opened their mouths, and two silver fangs lowered from the top of their teeth. In one movement, both units leapt at Deibetto. He had no chance to move, or evade. They were both on him, one on the left, the other on the right. Both plunged their fangs into his neck. He didn't have time to scream, they were on him and sucking his blood out of his neck. 'Hmm, I wasn't expecting that,' said Niku.