Tokyo Gay Hamster Wars - Part 1

It was the spring of nineteen ninety nine when Kenji Harada decided to open his Tokyo Topless Bar and Karaoke sing-a-long booth centre. Not being the best translator of Eigo (English) he decided to call it the 'Happy Hamster Bar'. Of course, it came out as 'Hippy Hambur', and people began mistaking it for a hamburger joint. He consulted his almost learned friend Deibetto, who, having once lived in been born in Australia told him it was 'Happy Hamster Bar'.

Unfortunately, a bar existed just down th e street called the 'happy Hippo bar', and in order to avoid confusion and a law suit, Kenji looked up another word for 'Happy' in his crazy Eigo dictionary. 'Gay' was the word he found. So was born the 'Gay Hamster Bar'.

Kenji poured his life savings and a considerable loan into the 'Gay Hamster bar'. One of the many oeuvre inducing decorations was a rather large glass hamster cage, complete with two hamsters, George and James. Kenji, unfortunately did not realise that his bar's unusual name would start to attract the homodachi connection of the Tokyo clubbing world, and soon Kenji had the hippest gay night club in Tokyo.

To make matters worse, the topless waitresses were wasted on men who had no better intentions than to meet another man and go home with them. At first, the homodachi thought the topless waitresses were transvestites and transsexuals. imagine their surprise when one of them accidentally took one home. It was the crying game all over, but in a very different context!

After that incident, the homodachi decided that maybe, the reason Kenji was employing topless women, was in order to stop sexual harassment. The gay lobby certainly thought it was a fantastic idea for women's rights. After all, they were topless, so they obviously meant they were standing up for the sexual freedoms. At the same time, as no man in the bar would find them in the least way sexual, it meant they got to work in an harassment free zone. Unfortunately, it also meant less tips and some of the waitresses soon left to take jobs in other establishments. Fortunately, the harassment free zone soon attracted other waitresses who did not mind the lack of tips. Kenji did not go shot staffed. In fact, he was able to put on some older waitresses who were not able to get employment in other topless establishments.

Amongst the new recruits was one, Mari Yamamoto. She was approaching sixty and had always worked as a topless waitress on and off for the last forty years. Unfortunately for her, the last twenty of those consisted more of the off than the on. The Gay Hamster Bar was the perfect work environment for her. The homodachi appreciated her for her good solid work ethic, and her sarcastic biting wit, that developed over the years, another reason for not being employed often in the last few years.

George and James, the hamsters, were not your usual hamster. Deibetto often visited the bar, after all, is was owned by his friend Kenji. He was a bit perturbed to find that it had turned okama on him though. It did not sit well with his latent homophobia which, until finding out men actually found him attractive, he didn't even know existed.

Deibetto worked for a secret Government laboratory developing chemicals. Due to the Japanese pacifistic constitution of the day, Japan needed new and better weapons to defend itself with. After all, it was not allowed an army anywhere near the size of the one it had during WWII. Deibetto's secret work entailed an elixir designed to turn the most aggressive warrior into a love maniac. Or so the specifications from the Japanese Government said.

It was amongst this, that Deibetto had made the potion, but was unable to test it on any adequate test subjects due to a sudden cutting in Government funding. So he had his elixir, but no where to try it.

One day, he decided Kenji's two male hamsters might be the perfect place to try it. One day, prior to the bar opening, he went to visit Kenji. Whilst Kenji was occupied, Deibetto was pretending to pat the hamsters. During this time, he added his elixir to their water.

That night, to the amazement and entertainment of the regular crowd, George and James, over come with lust for .. .well, anything moving or inanimate, decided to get it on. The 'Gay Hamster Bar' had truly become the 'Gay Hamster Bar'. What wasn't known at the time, was it also gave George and James increased intelligence.