The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

14 April, 2005


Blah!~ I am feeling very ill today. Reason being is I allowed myself to get upset. When I get upset, I get very ill. At present I feel like I am going to vomit everywhere. Even though I've taken one of my tablets, it hasn't helped. Even worse, I have a meeting this afternoon, so I hope I won't vomit on anyone. The reason I was upset went like this: My younger brother arrived home last night. I tried having a conversation with him, and immediately he went off on one of his tangents trying to tell me how the world works and everything. I tried to interupt to explain that I wasn't talking about what he was standing there telling me I was talking about. So we ended up having a slight argument where I got frustrated, as he just wouldn't listen. He ended up walking off in a huff. Next thing I know, I hear him explaining to my mother his version of events. He started telling my mother what he thought I'd been talking about, which was a complete misrepresentation of what I had been trying to discuss. I then raced into the other room to explain (once again) what I'd been talking about. This resulted in another argument with my brother, who then started trying to explain his version of Psychiatry/Psychology. Mind you, he's never studied it, where as I have. So to say he was 99.9% wrong, would be pretty accurate. (actually, the only bit he got right was that there was a conscious and subconscious part to the mind). So on the argument went, with my brother being an expert in everything and refusing to let me get a word in edge wise, and me trying to get anything into the conversation! Needless to say, I got rather upset and started screaming at the top of my lungs for him to "Shut the F*** up!" It didn't stop him! He just kept going on and on! I screamed at him that if he wasnt' going to listen to anythig I had to say, then I wasn't going to listen to him. I started to walk off, and he just continued!!!! So, in my frustration I grabbed the bowl of water we leave down for the dogs. Jeff saw this, and immediately ducked into the hallway. I lost half the dogs water over a lounge chair and over theTV/Video remote controls! But I got him in the hall way and drenched him (and half of myself too). He started up again. I then screamed for him to "Shut the F*** up!" over and over till eventually he did actually stop! AMAZING! He went to his room and got changed, while I headed into my study (where the original argument occurred). I had been studying, but found I wasn't able to concentrate because of the adrenalin pumping through my body. My mother, who had sat through all this quite calmly, ended up speaking to my brother, then coming to speak to me to try to get us talking. She seemed to think we needed to start talking immediately again! Gees! She told my brother some cock and bull story about me being under a lot of stress lately. When she came to speak to me, I told her it wasn't true. I was angry for the very reason I'd originally said I was angry. I'd tried to tell Jeff something, and he wouldn't listen! He immediately becomes and expert on anything in the world, and starts telling ME how the world supposedly REALLY works. I can't have conversations with people who won't listen. It's funny that people always try to explain things away with some emotive explanation invlolving stress or hormones. Why can't they see that some things actually are EXACTLY as they are said to be? I was P!$$3D 0ff because lately Jeff never lets me say anything without interupting and telling me what I think! No one likes to be told what they think! I explained this to my mother adding some recent examples. Well, my mother took this news and told Jeff, who admitted it was his fault. Jeff came and apologised. I said, "Okay" because everything was Okay as far as I was concerned. Actually, I didn't need the apology from him, I just need him to stop. I spent the rest of the night moping in front of the TV. Partially because I felt very ill, and partially because I also felt guilty for exploding at Jeff. It's not that I think I was wrong, it's more the fact that Jeff has a heart of gold normally. This is a guy who'll bend over backwards to help someone in need. Throwing the dog's water at him might have been an over reaction too, but it was the only way I could get his attention to get him to shut up. Anyway, I felt bad about the incident anyway. (As I usually do). My mother and brother had cleaned up where I'd chucked the water. My mother told me to go get changed out of my wet shirt, but I wouldn't. I just sat in the wet lounge chair (which is my usual TV viewing spot), in my wet shirt moping. (It wasn't cold or anything, so there wasn't a need to get changed). Anyway, I couldn't study because I was feeling so sick. My body doesn't get a long with adrenalin for some reason. Anytime someone makes me either angry or upsets me by saying bad things about me, I get physically ill. If someone is particularly nasty, I'd just either ignore them or just get rid of themfrom my life. I can't afford to have people making me ill all the time just because they are trying to bolster their own self esteem problems. So, just watch out, unless you come to town at highnoon with a bowl of dogs water. If you do turn up in town with a bowl of dogs water ... be careful, I'm mighty fast on the draw!