The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

18 July, 2006

The Da Vampire Code [Dabvertisement!]

We interupt this Superman story for a Dabvertisement!
Synopsis: Tom Hanks and Ron howard are conned into doing a crap movie about some French guy named Pierre Plantard's attempt to pretend he is French Royalty in a grab for the French Throne. Plantard plants fake evidence that Leonardo Da Vinci was a Vampire by biting himself on the neck. He claims Jesus was married to a fish and oversaw the Darren Hayes gay wedding. A Priest named Sauniere wins the lottery and lives happily ever after. Hanks and Howard get to ride on the Orient Express and have surnames starting with 'H'. Weeks go by, and people still think the movie is crap. The advertising money runs out and people flock to see Dead Man's Chest. In 1969 Man landed on the moon ... now he's back, and this time it's personal!!!!! Unfortunately, along the way, Hanks spaceship springs a leak and only Jesus can save them. Mr Blonde turns up, tortures one of the other astronauts and leaves before discovering that a Royale is actually a Quarter Pounder. Yes, the French do have the metric system, and so does Australia, so does that make Australians friggin' stupid for calling it a quarter pounder when we really should call it a friggin' 0.1133980925 Kilogrammer? Or maybe a 113.3980925 Grammer ... and how much does a Kelsey Grammer weight As much as a quarter pounder? In the mean time, Captain Jack runs into Davey Jones, who he had previously whipped with a towel in the locker room. Yes, they do call him Squid face! Other Vampire members of the Dentists of Pions [a quantum incisor school], include Isaac Newton, Victor Hugo and Bob the Builder. The Anti-Christ appears and then leaves as he forgets his lines. Howard chops most of his scenes and Nostradamus latest Quatain predicts another Hollywood flop! Hanks discovers that the anagram of Priory of Sion is Son of Rory Pii, proving that some guy named Rory killed the Priest killed in the beginning of the book. At this point I walked on the movie, as it was getting far to silly, even for me! :-)