Psyche and Eros - Part Eight
So, Psyche went off to Cape Tainaron in search of the cave to the underworld. She noticed a huge sign, 'Cave to Underworld, 50 metres. Turn left at Starbucks.'
'Hmmm, that's gotta be the place. After all, I'm sure Hades is where Starbucks gets their coffee from.'
Psyche travelled the fifty meters, stopped in for a choco-latte and a donut, as she wasn't sure how long she was going to be in the underworld. She surmised the possibility that the latte and donut might be the last things she eats while still alive.
Off she went into the cave. About a kilometer underground she came across a very large pooper scooper.
'Obviously, the pooper scooper of the Gods,' she said to herself. 'I must be getting close.'
She also saw scrawled into the wall some graffiti. 'Heracles was here.' This just confirmed her suspicions even more. Soon, she could smell the dog itself, even before she could see him. She secretly hoped the bone she'd brought was big enough.
Sure enough, before she could finish her next step, a huge puppy, the size of a house, appeared in front of her. She knew it was Cerberus, as the puppy had three heads. She whistled to a guy who had been following behind her with the bone on a forklift. It had been the leg bone of one of the Titans, but she was sure they weren't using it at the moment for anything. Instead, the guy saw the dog and leapt from the fork lift. He ran like a crazed idiot to get away from the dog. Of course being a dog, and we all know dogs love to chase things, Cerberus immediately took off after the guy, ignoring the bone and Psyche all together.
There are rumours Cerberus actually followed the guy all the way to the surface and ate most of the Starbucks patrons. The rumour continues that Cerberus couldn't sleep for ten years and is now addicted to caffeine. Every time he finds a Starbucks, he eats everyone in site. This is of course not a reason not to drink there and is considered a plus for some patrons who like the in house entertainment.
Meanwhile, back in the cave, Psyche kept traveling till she arrived at the river Styx. There, near the shore was a little wharf with a ferry at the end. On the ferry stood Charon, the ferryman. He didn't look at all like what she had expected. In fact, he looked remarkably like a Venician Gondola operator if it was being played by Johnny Depp.
'Um, one to cross to the Underworld, please,' she said as she got on board the boat.
'Sure,' said Charon, as he pushed off from the wharf in the direction of another wharf on the other side.
Somewhere in the water, she swears she heard the voices of two people quarrelling.
'I tellz you Fritz, everyonez is gay.'
'And I zink you are projecting your own pzyche onto udzer peoplez.'
'Did someone just say my name?' asked Psyche.
'Wouldn't know,' said Charon. 'Only other's around here are Fritz and Wilhem, and I don't think you know them.'
'No, I don't think I've met them.'
'Andz on top of zat, I heard Hans waz zleeping witz your wifes.'
'Don' be ztupid! Besidez, what sort of ztupid name iz Hans for a serpent. Like, he haz no hanz.'
'Zat's handz Fritz. Handz, witz ein dee inz it.'
'Thatz ztupider. Like, why leavez ze dee outs of hiz name? But, hiz parentz alwayz wanted him to be a doctor or zomezing. Like, how ztupid.'
The voices echoed off into the distance as Charon got them safely to the wharf on the other side.
'That's one Obol, please,' said Charon.
'Sure, there you go,' said Psyche handing over her gold coin.