READ TONIGHTS EARLIER POST BEFORE THISONE TO GET AN IDEA OF WHAT I AM ANGRY ABOUT!!! Seems I'm on a downer, I might as well tell you some stuff about when I used to do Drug Rehab. The main reason I was thinking about this, was I was real angry at what happened today concernign my mother's house and stuff - and now I've come over sad - not sure what the seven stages of accepting CRAP is ... but, I'm up to the SAD bit. ANYWOT ... I was feeling how trying to help my family all my life has been such a fucking long sad thankless task ... something my mother also complains about ... and let's face it, when one of your own sons tries to hand over your house to an arsehole you divorced years ago - and that son only got through University because you bought him a car and let him live at home till he could afford hsi own home .. and now he's FUCKING turfing you out on your BUTT without a anything ... you can see why she's (and I are fucking angry a bit ... anyway, hasn't happened yet, and will only happen after a FUCKING FIGHT from me! BUT ... I as thinking about Drug rehab again, as I came over all fuckin sad because of what happened tonight, and it was very similar to how I used to feel when I was doing Drug Rehab in Kings Cross, Sydney. I used to come off the streets feeling drained, feeling like I'd helped no one, feeling like I was beatin my fucking head against a BIG FUCKING brick wall. First of all, ther are the DRUG DEALERS! They don't fucking want you there helping people, because they lose money if you get their clients off their drugs. So THEY HATE YOU! Then, there are the DRUG USERS themselves. They don't think they have a problem. They're up at the fucking WALL in Sydney giving head jobs to men, while at the same time trying to prove what a 'mucho heterosexual' they are - well, they hate you as well, partly because you scare off their customers, and partly because, well, you're annoying to them ... and partly because, well, they don't think they have a problem. You try to be friendly to them, not hassle them, not get in their face, but at the same time try to explain, that if they ever NEED help, you are there ... and they FUCKING HATE YOU FOR IT! Then, you go to your day job (and your fucking tired after spending the night on the fuckin' street trying to find peopel to help) and the peopel at work FUCKIN' HATE YOU, because they expect you to donate to some FUCKING pet charity they have, 'Pink Bows for Bunnies' or som fucking thing (or a good charity like curing Cancer or something), and you explain to them that all your money has gone towards helping get peopel off drugs - and they tell you off, and yell at you and give you some long winded explainatin, that if someone has got adicted to drugs, you should FUCKING LET THEM DIE! OR HELP THEM OVERDOES OR SOME FUCKING CRAP (I think I've gone from being sad to being angry again! FUCK!) Anyway - you try to explain to them that, just because someone has made a mistake, (by trying to REMOVE/AVOID pain with drug use), doesn't mean you should fucking abandon them. If you made a mistake, you'd want someone to be there to help you once you realise you'd made a mistake and need help. It's like you've dug yourself into a friggin' big hole, and you just need someone to throw you a rope or lower a ladder to help you out of the hole. At the end of the day, it's still the person down the hole who has to do the climbing out, or the climbing the ladder bit ... you're just giving thme a hand. Then the FUCKING person from work tells you that those people should be BURIED IN THEIR FRIGGIN HOLE! And you think, Like FUCK, where is the compassion today? Why do so many people only think about themselves? Even those collection FUCKING CHARITY MONEY seem to thnk putting FUCKING PINK RIBBONS ON RABBITS or some fucking thing is more important that a perfectly good human being! And so you make another ENEMY, simply because you are trying to do the FUCKING RIGHT THING BY SOMEONE WHO NEEDS A LITTEL HELP! Well, today really FUCKIN PISSED ME OFF with everything - my mother was also pissed off by the fact that my SISTER and BROTHER IN-LAW suggested she go to an OLD PERSONS VILLAGE. That has my mother believing my sister might actually be in the 'STEAL THE HOUSE FROM MUM' conspiracy!!! Anyway, that's why I came over all sad I think - because once again i feel like I am fighing a fucking battle that no one wants me to win - and once again, I'm the one fucking puttin my all on the line to fucking make the world a better fucking place - and I fucking hate this world! It's a weird love hate relationship! I want the best for all people - but then these fuckin WANKERS COME ALONG who ONLY think about themselves, and they fuckin' try to make you feel small about trying to help others - and yeah, sometimes no matter what you do, you can't help them ... but sometimes you can! And we came home today, and my mother ansd brother were all upset and yellin at each other and then both went to their rooms in bad moods - and they're not even angry at each other, they're fucking angry at my other brother, and my father and stuff - and I've spent Xmas night alone in the lounge room, contemplating what I can fucking do to help my mother concerning this ... and it might take a lot of effort and money and in the end, I might still lose ... why do I always seem to be on the fucking losing end of a battle I can never fucking win!!!! I'm so fucking PISSED OFF BY IT ALL! Life would be so much easier if their wasn't these self serving ARSEHOLES in this world who make fucking excuses up to justify their greed and FUCKING PETTY JEALOUSY!!! Sorry - I just have to rant a bit and vent my frustrations. I don't want to be like my mother and brother and yell at each toher, when they're actualyl angry at other people. But don't worry, not angry at you guys ... just angry at the world and injustice and everything else. Besides, nothing bad has happened yet - just the thought that some people are trying to make bad things happen pisses me off. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.