The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With

Before I start on Todays' story, here is what happened today! Today, I finished my Cert IV in Training and Work Place Assessment. WOO HOO! I had to sit through a LOT of training sessions that other people gave, as well as doing my own presentation. In fact, I was almost the ONLY person to sit through everyone elses sessions, but I ran off to have lunch at about 3 PM and missed the Banana Packing one and whatever Heidi did for hers. Everyone created training plans for Waste Management for two days of training. We also had to perform ONE fifteen minute presentation on ONE of the aspects of the training. (So one module of the two days). The sessions I sat through included:

• Disposing of waste paper correctly
• Disposing of syringes correctly
• Disposing of Paint correctly
• Disposing of Oranges correctly.

As I said, I missed the banana one and another one. I got some real positive feedback from the attendees of my training session. You are probably wondering what a dull ol' boring guy like me wrote an entire two days training on in waste management. After all, I've worked in labs, factories, IT, the automotive industry, finance industry, marketing industry, music industry, as well as having done volunteer work for drug rehab, underprivaledged children etc etc. So I know a variety of lots and lots of different ol' boring things which need to be got rid of correctly from lots of different industries. Being ME, I did my waste management training project on getting rid of FANTASY ANIMAL WASTE!!!! Yes, you heard me correctly! I taught people how to identify 'Dragon Doo' and 'Unicorn Unko*' and dispose of it correctly using the right health and safety equipment as well as placing it in the right recepticle. *NOTE: Unko, うんこ the Japanese word for Doo. Everyone enjoyed it and thought it was rather imaginative and everthing! OH YEAH!!!! ;-) I got good marks. I still have to have the actual Two Day Training Project marked and have it sent off to the Eastern States before I actually receive a pass or fail. All looks good so far. :-) Here is the revised list for tonight. Please add suggestions in the COMMENTS section. [Remember, I'll blog on anything.] :-)

• How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
• Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
• Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
• Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
• Alien Abduction Tale Part III
• Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
• Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
• Jungian 'collective unconscious' Versus Hegel's World Spirit thingy (The real deathmatch you wanted to watch!)

The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With It was 1980. My second last year of High School in that hell hole of a school in Adelaide. (Before moving to NSW and doing my final year there!) Let's put you in the right frame of mind for what we are about to encounter. I'm a guitarist. Every second kid in the school is a guitarist. In fact, Cold Chisel (an old Aussie band from many years ago) used to rehearse in my school before becoming world famous (though a lot of people won't remember them now). [NOTE: they didn't atend my school, only rehearsed.] At the school (I'm talking people who actually attended the school!), my elder brother was THE DRUMMER. Okay, there were a few other drummers at that school, but my elder brother was considered THE DRUMMER. He was the drummer the other drummers used to come to for advice. He wasn't a great drummer by any standards I would consider good, BUT, after saying that Rock 'n' Roll is NOT ABOUT being good or the best. It's all about IMAGE. He had the IMAGE. Almost every girl younger than him thought he was HOT!!! (Though a few of my friends thought he was a complete PRATT because they'd see the way he REALLY was ... especially when he'd put me down or go out of his way to humiliate me). Now, with ME being a guitarist (and a damn fine classically trained guitarist and all - later to be a studio musician), a few of the other guitarists would slag me off and put me down. ('Classical! Ptttth!' They'd say!) Part of this was also because my elder brother would also do that (and a lot of people who had NEVER EVER seen me play). Which was funny, as I was the 'GO TO GUY' whenever a band lost a guitarist, as I'd almost always be able to walk straight in and be able to play with the band. Well, amongst all this, was ONE poor little girl who was CRAZY over my elder brother. She had his name all over her pencil case and books and other stuff. The sort of thing that girls with crushes do. Only, like most of the girls at the school, she had ZERO percent chance of getting anywhere NEAR my brother. [And my brother had a few GF's that he went steady with - but if he ever dumped a girl, or got dumped, he would inevitably have another one on his arm within fifteen minutes!] Yeah, he was a bit of a hard act to follow in the 'GF' department. I wasn't going for quantity though, I prefered quality. (And a lot of the GF's my brother had, I didn't like as they made bricks seem like intelligent life forms). Every term we'd have a school dance. We had three terms, so we had three school dances each year. Sometimes we'd have live bands, but most of the time we'd have DJ's. At one of these school dances, this poor girl (who's name I can't remember), was running around and kissing all the guys, sitting on their laps, sticking her arm around them, and generally ACTING like a slut. Now, during the day light hours, she'd often hang around me to try to get near my elder brother. I just considered her annoying. (Well, she was). She considered me a friend. (I guess I considered her a sort of friend ... an annoying one!!) Anyway, I knew why she kept hanging out with me, and it had NOTHING to do with her liking me. My friends considered her even more annoying than I did, as they didn't understand how I could put up with such a stupid young thing hanging out with me for ulterior motives. Ulterior, I am using pretty loosely, as she wasn't really concealing it very well at all. [Or maybe she wasn't trying to conceal it!] So, skip forward to the Last School Dance of the year. She'd been all over almost EVERY guy in my year (and a few others from her own year and a few others in higher years ... and ... well, I'm sure a few guys missed out). The end of the night rolled around, and bascially she found me (after I'd spent a lot of the night with my current 'friend' ... I call the girl I was sort of seeing at that time a 'friend' as we were not BF/GF, but we were moving in that direction. We had almost got together a few years earlier when we were Jiujitsu Partners at the local Dojo). SOOO, dispite the fact that I had this other girl I was sort of with, the first girl came up to me, sat down on my lap and stuck her arm around me and started kissing me and everything. Some of the other guys came along and started telling her off for being a slut. They really started tearing shreds off her, and she bascially chased them off somewhere. I thought she'd gone. Phew! Time to get back to my 'friend'. A few moments later, the first girl reappeared. She was bawling her eyes out. The guys had got pretty rough with her in a verbal way. She asked me to pretend to be her BF for the rest of the night so that the guys would leave her alone. (After all, she figured if ppl thought we were together, if someone started to tear shreds off me, she figured my elder brother would intervene ... which proved how little she knew about my elder brother. My elder brother was normally the instigator of such shreddings!) Well, not wanting to 'ruin it' with my 'friend' I told the first girl to wait while I sorted some stuff out with my 'friend'. I made sure that the first girl knew we were only pretending for THAT NIGHT ONLY, as I was pretty keen on my 'friend' and my 'friend' was pretty keen on me. She said she understood. So off I went. I spoke to my 'friend' about what had happened and explained that it was only going to be 'pretend' for that night and that I wasn't 'going out' with that other girl. She agreed it was a nice thing to do and agreed that I should help out this poor girl. So, for the rest of the night, I pretended to be this girls BF and whenever some of the other guys would come up and call her a 'slut' or anything, I'd defend her and say she was my GF. It worked fine. Most of these guys started to leave her alone, and we all were happy after a while. The next school day though, something had CHANGED!!!! I was hanging out with my 'friend' again (as we did ... because we liked each other and stuff). Suddenly, at lunch, one of my 'friends' girls friends (used in the term that they are friends who are girls) came up and asked me some questions. It was pretty unusual, as she knew that me and my 'friend' were trying to get it together to see each other and date over the summer break. So, off my 'friends' GF went, back from wence she had come. About ten minutes later, she returned and told me I HAD to talk to the FIRST GIRL from the other night. Even though I thought I'd had a deal with her, and she knew I was keen on my 'friend', she'd started telling EVERYONE that I was her REAL BF. Where she'd previously had stuff written on her ruler and books and pencil case and things saying 'I LOVE GARRY' [my elder brother], she'd gone through with liquid paper and changed it all to, 'I LOVE DAVID' and things along those lines!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I suddenly found myself in a VERY DIFFICULT SITUATION! What to do? What to do? I told my 'friend' that I'll go speak to the girl and sort it out. So off I went. I had to find her, but she kept running away and hiding from me! She KNEW that we were not BF/GF, and she also knew if I caught her and had a talk to her the gig was up!!! So she ran, and all her friends kept asking me, 'Are you two really going out?' They thought it was incedible, as they knew I thought she was annoying, and they also knew I was with my 'friend'. This poor girls credibility rating was hitting rock bottom!!!! I think a lot of her friends also knew about the 'deal' I'd made with her. So the poor girl was struggling in quicksand. She had to avoid me in order to stop me from having a 'talk' with her. Well, eventually, I was talking to some of her friends, and I said, 'Go ask her, if I am really her Boy Friend, why does she kep running away from me? If I am her Boy Friend, she'd be hanging out with me! Why isn't she doing that?' So they went and told her that. Suddenly, she was put on the spot. If she kept running from me, EVERYONE would know she'd been lying. So, she decided to risk actually speaking to me. So, she found me, and we sat down in private and had a conversation. First I reminded her of our deal. At first she remembered the deal and agreed it was only for that night. Somehow, during that conversation, it twisted. She started denying any deal, and claimed that I'd REALLY TRULY ASKED HER OUT! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! She left me no alternative. If she was going to pretend that we were an item, then there was only ONE THING I COULD DO!!! I had to DUMP A GIRL I WASN'T EVEN GOING OUT WITH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! So, I did it. I explained to her, that regardless of what had happened at the dance, I had made a mistake and that I was truly sorry. I told her it was all my fault and that we couldn't go out together. I reminded her that I was not the one she loved. She was in love with my elder brother. She cried ... and cried ... and cried. And I felt so sorry for her. It was as though I'd really truly ripped her poor little heart out. She folder her arms, stuck them on the desk, and stuck her head on her arms and wouldn't stop crying. I stuck my arm around her and comforted her a little. I even ran my fingers through her hair and told her everything was going to be all right. After a while, I figured she wasn't even listening to me. Some of her friends were just outside the classroom, so I asked them to come in and comfort her, and I left. 'Did you two just break up?' one of them asked. Rather than explain the entire situation, I just replied, 'Yes', and kept walking. I went back to my 'friend' and explained the whole thing. It sort of put a damper on that summer holiday, as I felt so bad about what had happened. In the end, my 'friend' and I sort of got together about a year later. It was a very brief BF/GF type thing. Though we were friends, once we started being BF/GF, she suddenly started playing 'hard to get'. I'd turn up at her place, and her younger sister would tell me she wasn't home. This was even though she was home and I could here her telling her sister what to say. So I dumped her. Then she wouldn't speak to me for dumping her ... weird. Maybe I just attract looonies! :-)