The Blog of Dabido (the Baka one). Everything in this blog is copyrighted. Copyright 2004, 2005, 2006 by D. Stevenson.

20 September, 2005

Quick How To Guides (Part Two)

Guide Two - How to Use Dabido to Pick Up Guys (for the Ladies): There is something about me, that makes females (in general) like me as a friend, and makes guys think they can take women from me. I don't know what it is, but no matter who I am with, there is always some guy who thinks they can take the lady away from me. In most cases, it just doesn't work. We'll get to the actual 'Method' for girls to use me to get guys at the end. Here are some examples from the past. I will start with the sad tale of my first love. Yes, it is sad, and the only person to blame for my loss, is me. [Don't cry ... was long ago.] :-) Anyway, I saw this girl at school (I was thirteen at the time), and instantly fell in love with her. (Or should we call it infactuation or something else). Anyway, at the time, I had no idea who she was. I asked one of my friends. He told me. Then I spent the entire next month asking other friends who were in some of her classes if she was single and if she would go out with me. Yes, she was single ... and her reply to, 'Would she go out with me?' was a solid, 'Who?' Yes, I was a nobody in her universe. That's not the sad part. :-) Anyway, another guy at school wanted to go out with her, and she didn't like him, as he acted as though he owned her, like some possession. A lot happened between me and him, including him and his friend threatening to pulverise me to dust (with me quaking in my boots ... literally shaking like an escaped jelly from an eating contest). I kept telling him I wasn't afraid of him, but alas, the jelly impersonation was a dead give away. After a while, the guy saw the sort of stuff I was going through to be with her and to be her BF. He turned to me one day, with me expecting him to finally make good his threat. I braced myself for the worst. He said to me he was going to withdraw from chasing her, as I obviously was deeply in love with her. (By this time, I was her BF anyway). Things weren't going too well though. She was weird. Like, she'd go lock herself in the toilets and stuff to avoid me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know this at the time, but that was her normal behaviour towards her BF's. What happened though, was another guy started chasing her. A guy named Danny. Danny (like many others to come) thought he would just walk in and take my GF off me. Anyway, to make this story shorter, Danny kept working on me. Telling me that the reason she was locking herself in the toilet all the time, was that she didn't like me. After a while, this sort of thing started to sink into my little brain. Finally, the night of the end of year dance, I was sitting by the speakers at the front of the stage, slowly going deaf, waiting for her to come out of the toilets. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Eventually, Danny sat next to me, and he kept telling me what was happening in the girls toilets. He told me that she was trying to figure out some way to dump me! After a while, I got really upset by this. Eventually, she did emerge from the girls room. She was okay. She'd just been building her courage up to hang out with me. I didn't realise this. What ensued was me accusing her of everything that Danny had been planting in my head. (Yes, not very nice. It's was like a teenage Othello, with Danny as Iago, my GF as Desdemona, and me as Othello ... except of course, that I was white). What I discovered, was she absolutely hated Danny. Alas, my stupidity had got me into trouble. One thing she didn't need was my stupid accusations. A fight erupted, which eventuated in me getting myself dumped by her! I cried the rest of the night. I learned a lot about it all later - so I know she wasn't in the toilets trying to figure out how to dump me. She was apparently very confused by why a guy would be in love with her at all, and why I wanted to hang out all the time. Anyway, I guess there is also a lesson in not listening to gossip/propaganda etc. My fault. I don't blame the ex GF or Danny for what happened. (Though both of them were pretty weird in their own way). I am just happy that Danny was 100% unsuccessful in picking her up. As an afternote, Danny often tried for many of the GF's that I had, or girls I was chasing after. He was always unsuccessful! Somehow, it became a perosnal thing with him ... and at one time he was supposed to meet me behind the school sheds for a fight. (I think was over him hitting on one of my GF's and I was supposed to defend her honour). He chickened out. One of my friends spotted him sneaking out of school, and I ended up chasing him down the street. I was the smallest guy in school too ... can you imagine average sized Danny being chased by little me! haha! :-) Note: I am pretty much non-violent, but this was pretty funny. I wasn't the one who wanted the fight either! hee hee!
That didn't stop the guys from trying to take girls away from me ... or even succeeding. Out at the nightclubs, I was pretty hopeless with finding GF's. My nights at disco's etc usually consisted of this:
  • Spend all night getting courage to ask girl to dance. (Another Black Russian thanks)
  • Finally, ask a girl to dance.
  • Get up on the dance floor with the girl.
  • Dance.
  • Some other guy would dance over, start talking with the girl ... and off they'd go together!
DARN! It even got to the point where some of the guys actually knew me, and would wait to see which honey I brought to the dance floor. Then they'd move in and pick them up! I was so upset by what kept happening, that one of my friends and his GF decided to do something for me. My friends GF went up to the dance floor with me and danced with me. When the guys tried to pick her up, she told them, 'No way! Do you realise how good in bed this guy is?' I blushed redder than a Ferrari team uniform! It gave those guys some new respect for me. Didn't stop them picking up the girls I took up to the dance floor. They did, however, all act like I was some sort of hero when they saw me! (Much to my embarrassment). I suspect none of them had ever had a girl say that about them to anyone.
Eventually, after many GF's, I was successful in finding a girl I thought worthy to keep. So, we got married (and later divorced). Even when I was married, guys would hit on my wife. The funny thing was, I was often there at the time. A conversation along the lines of this would occur:
  • Guy: Hey, you wanna make out?
  • Wife: No, I'm married.
  • Guy: So, I don't care. You wanna make out?
  • Wife: No, my husband is right here! (Pointing at me)
  • Guy: So, I don't care.
  • Me: Hey, she's said, 'No' twice already! We're married, don't you get it?
  • Guy: Yeah, Okay. So, you wanna make out?
And off they'd go. Only to hit on her as soon as I went to the bathroom or something. Actually, I have a bit of a funny story before we got married too. An american guy who was a friend of my then GF and me, told me one night he was going to take my GF off me. I told him he couldn't. He kept telling me he was going to, because he thought my GF was in love with him an not me. (If you knew the guy, you'd know he thought this of all women!) Well, I told my GF about the conversation, and she thought it was weird. She thought he was one of the ugliest things on the planet (a bit uglier than a very charming slug, and less uglier than an very ugly slug). A few days later, I heard that he'd hit on her. He'd tried to convince her to leave me for him. This was of course hilariously funny for my GF and her friends. (And me too).
Here is another example from after my divorce. One night, me and a large group of friends from my then second job went to the local pub. It was a Saturday night. One of my friends (who was also very married with three kids), was sitting on my lap (just as friends. Nothing sexual or anything ... it was a lack of chairs thing). Anyway, some guy was looking at her all night. (For a mother of three, she was still a pretty hot chick). So this guy (who must have been about twenty to twenty five), came over and started hitting on her. He was obviously very drunk. So you get the picture - I'm sitting there, she's on my lap, this guy is hitting on her! Like, SHE'S SITTING ON MY LAP DUDE! All the time, he's hitting on her, and he keeps looking at me and whispering appologies. Like, he wasn't fooling anyone! I kept telling him, 'She isn't my GF, she's my friend. Stop appologising.' But he wouldn't. He must have felt guilty. Anyway, eventually she took his phone number and stuff. (Not that I think she was going to use it ... but it did get rid of him).
So, if you are a single girl out there, and you are having trouble picking up men, then this is the way to do it. Go to the pub with me (as friends) and you are almost sure to get picked up. [May only happen in Sydney]. It also only seems to work if people 'THINK' we are a couple. I don't know why. If it looks like we're just friends, then it doesn't work. The extra desperate amongst you, may want to just copy one of my photo's from this site. Blow the picture up to life size and stick it on the front of a dummy. (No one will notice any difference). Take it to the pub as a Dabido Doll. Tell me how it goes, I might just start marketing it! :-)