Vague Tomorrows

I really hate my life at present, yet at the same time I am enjoying some of it. Things which happened recently - my mother was overly stressed last week and on the weekend. This was because she can't escape looking after my sisters kids somehow, while my sister and her husband basically run around living life as though they are still teenagers. This weekend was strange though.

• Wednesday - my mother goes to my sisters to look after her kids. This is normal.
• Thursday - my mother has my sisters kids over in afternoon.
• Friday - My mother has my sisters kids all day. My brother in-law has gone to Kalgoorlie with his mates for the weekend, leaving my sister to run the football (my brother in-law is the coach) and look after their kids alone.
• Saturday - My mother has my sisters kids until the evening while my sister coaches the football team - while they are still here, my brother drops HIS kids off to stay the night. My sister picks her kids up and takes them to a friends house to be looked after while she and her 'friend' go out.
• Sunday - My mother still has my brothers kids - my sister turns up to drop her kids off again as she goes to watch the football game (professional one) with her eldest son. Eventually my brother and his wife pick up their kids in the afternoon. My sister picks hers up at night. My brother in-law arrived home sometime during the afternoon but was too tired to come pick the kids up.

My mother is furious and wonders WHY she doesn't have a life! She has a habit of taking it out on my brother Jeff and myself.

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I found out last night that my MOTHER has been writing my name on cards sent to my eldest brother for the last two years. This is a guy whom I am not on talking terms with. It's funny as he never sends me cards and never speaks to me ... so my mother is making it look like I am crawling to him or something. I just hope my brother knows I neither condone nor write on his friggin' birthday/xmas cards etc. I know, it sounds pretty heartless of me, but if you knew the background, then you'd understand why I don't speak to him. It's not that I don't forgive him (I forgive everyone), it's the fact that I know I cannot trust him. Here is a brief summary:

• As an elder brother, he was a complete asshole as a kid. Okay, that's probably normal sort of stuff.
• He also used to steal my guitar and other things (never touch a musicians main instrument! It NEVER goes down well.) Some things I got back - but it was damn embarrassing NOT to be able to go to my classical guitar lessons because my guitar was missing. Other things just went! (What's mine was HIS and what was HIS I wasn't even allowed to look at! My parents could never see the problem with that logic!)
• He once held me while my younger brother Paul beat the crap out of me! He claimed it was an accident. (Okay, I later got my own back when in a 'one on one' fight I knocked him out! I'm not a violent person, but I do believe in self defence.)
• He used to lie about me at school in order to increase his own popularity. Two weird things that came about from this was:

1. people I didn't know would threaten to beat the crap out of me over things my brother claims I supposedly said about them;
2. arguements I had with my brother at home would be retold by my brother at school, only he would claim my arguements as his own and somehow his stupid belief was attributed to me. (Sometimes I know he used to do this on purpose, as some of the beliefs he used to start arguments with were too over the top to be believed by anyone!)

• As an adult he phoned me up and asked me for ten thousand dollars. He claimed he could make me a millionaire if I gave him the money. [I didn't trust him, so I didn't give him the money]. I later found out that he was planning on using the money to pay off his debts (which were over one hundred thousand dollars at that time) and would later claim that the investment went bad and that the money was gone. (aka he was trying to swindle ten thousand dollars from me!)
• He once tried to steal the deed to my mothers house to give to my father, so that my father could sell it and leave my mother penniless and homeless. [Don't get me started on my father!]

Well, apparently my mother has been signing my name to the cards sent to him and his family! It makes my blood boil, but once I am in the UK, at least that crap won't happen any more. At least I can rest assured that my signature and fingerprints are not on those cards!

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I might be writing an article or two for a Men's Health magazine (No, NOT a nudie magazine, a HEALTH one!) We'll see how that goes down. I still have a proposal to write first. I might use the idea to write a book too. We'll see how I go. (So that's a good thing!)

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Another good thing - my passport arrived back fromt he British High Commission in Canberra today with my 'Right of Abode Certificate' in it! My right to return to the UK and live, work, etc is now available! Next, visa to visit Malaysia on holiday and visa for Japan (though I probably won't need one, as I read that if I intend to stay less than 30 days, then as an Aussie I don't require one).

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My arguement with Government Departments et al continues. While this happens, my life is up in the air (STILL!!!!) I hate this stupid waiting. In the meantime, I still have to write an appeal over one of their decisions, and the outcome of the appeal (plus some other major details) will either cause me to sell up and leave for the UK RIGHT NOW, or to have me postpone it for a short time! From the way they were talking to me today, I am guessing it will be time to pack up and leave. Apparently, Australia doesn't like people standing up for their rights. (Then again, which Government on Earth does!) The way it is going, Australia is NOT looking like a nice place to raise kids or try to do anything! Any attempt by the poor to make money is beaten down and they are shoved back into low paying roles in order to keep them poor. Self educated, intelligent people like myself apparently have no right to be here. So me, all my professional qualifications, my IQ in the top 1% (of Australia - no idea where it stands in the rest of the world), and everything else I am able to contribute to this nation will soon be on it's way to other shores. (If I ever become important, thank john Howard and his Nazis). At present they only want me if I will work as unskilled labour in a factory, which they know is impossible due to my allergies. It would be a death sentence to me! Soon, there will be no free speach, or free thought. (Okay, there is no free speach at the moment - Australia's constitution never promised free speach anyway!)

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Which leads back to the next problem:

• When to sell?
• When to go?
• Where to go? (UK - via Malaysia, Japan, Amsterdam)
• What to do when I get there?
• Do I renounce my Australian Citizenship and become stateless?

I've always said that once I do sell, there is no turning back! If I am forced to sell, then I am leaving this country, and probably for good. The stateless bit worries me! Being stateless can get you stuck in places - and I don't want that happening. It would be nice if some UN Stateless passport could be created. What a vague future I have!