What to do? What to do? Been depressed for a few weeks straight. Just wondering when I will come out of this one. My mother keeps asking if I am Okay. I always say I'm Okay, but must be very obvious if my mother is asking. Also, been very agro! Have to supress my need to scream at people. Well, I'm used to that sort of thing anyway. Just never abuse people who don't deserve it. Though I get pretty upset very quickly when people start being idiots. Off to the allergy specialist tomorrow. Time to get my Epi-Pen (adrenaline pump) so that I don't die next time I have an allergic reaction. Have to remember to take my allergy test results and food diaries and stuff. That verse from Ecclesiastes keeps reverberating around in my head. Ecc 1:2
"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."And Ecc 1:8-9
All thing are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.I too feel the burdon that Solomon wrote about. Everything is like chasing the wind. Life seems to be a meaningless pursuit of nothing. What if eventually I do find 'that someone'? Will I be happy? What if I eventually do make a name for myself? Eventually I will be redused to dust, and I will be forgotten. On one hand, I wish so much to contribute and make this world a better place; yet on the other hand, what is the point? Everything is destined to be destroyed eventually. Whether you believe in some religious armageddon, or a scientific running down of the Universe. In the end, what is the point. Eventually everything we've ever done will be for nothing. It's pointless. Yet, we are compelled, either through our religious belief, or through our evolved nature. We are compelled to struggle against this world for survival and what is it for? What is procreation for? Eventually, everyone dies. Our children, and our children's children and so forth, will eventually return to dust and be no more. These are the sorts of things which have been reverberating around in my head since I was a child. Solomon was right. All is meaningless.