HaloScan Problems

Hi Everyone, There appears to be aproblem with HALOSCAN at the moment, so comments are difficult to leave. Hoepfully they will sort it out soon. Cheers, Dabido.

Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original appeared on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)

I thought I'd tell part TWO of the Alien Abduction saga. I think I had the least amount of comments for any guest blogger on Minishorts site. Maybe I needed to be more controversial. Anyway, I did ask them to tell me if it wasn't funny enough to stick up, and they didn't say anything. Plus I ran it past my youngest brother who thought it was funny. Then again, my youngest brother isn't the best judge of 'comedy' or 'satire' or well, almost anything. Alien Abduction Part II - Let The Probing Begins. (This time, it's personal!) Many a time a strange person has turned up at the hospital with something needing to be removed from their private parts. In many cases, when the Doctor asks how the bottle, hockey stick, plastic power ranger doll or other miscellaneous item somehow got lodged in their sphincter*, the usual reply is, 'I was taking a shower and slipped.' [*Please note, a Sphincter is a circular ring like muscle. Even though the anus is a sphincter, it is NOT the only one in the human body. There are in fact four. So if someone tells you a sphincter is another word for anus, they not only wrong, they are making an ass of themselves! A guy I used to work with used to like calling me a sphincter and thought that was it's meaning. What a huge sphincter he was!] One of the odd things about this remark is it leaves us open to all sorts of questions as to how the object in question ended up in the shower. Now, as this is a Alien Abduction story, you probably think it might have been left there by the aliens! No, sir! The simple and most rational explanation is that it had got jammed while the aliens were probing. Being unable to remove the aforementinoed object, they left a hypnotic suggestion in the mind of the person to believe that they were actually having a shower and slipped. It leads us to another question. Why do aliens find the need to shove things up peoples bottoms? I'm glad you asked. This is another simple question to answer. Many things have been suggested. One being that there are in fact no aliens, and that most of the alien encounters have occurred due to Narcolepsy (lucid dreams) or Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Many a respected Doctor has suggested these things. Let me tell you, no self respecting conspiracy theory could be complete without the belief that someone is paying someone off to lie. So it pains me to say this, but I have to reveal that the Aliens are in fact paying respected doctors to say this obvious mumbo jumbo. So, using Occam's razor, we find that the simplest explanation is down to earth, normal everyday homemade Alien Abduction and hush money. So, now I will answer the question: The reason aliens are constantly probing the human anus region is because it is the aliens belief that all human psychology can be explained through a complete understanding of the colonic cavity. It certainly explains most politicians, and why we vote for them. It also explains why most managers are the way they are and why we allow them to boss us around. (And as the Managing Director of my own company, I can safely say that with no disagreement from any of my non-existant staff! I assure you though, if I DID have any staff, they would all agree whole heartedly.) For the sake of clarity, I will now colour code the following conversation which took place on an alien spacecraft on the night of July the 35th sometime in October. ME - BLUE ALIEN DOCTOR - RED ALIEN NURSE - GREEN ELEPHANT - PINK EXTRA WITH NO SPEAKING LINE - BLACKISH WHITISH PUCE Hey! Are you a Doctor? No. What are you doing with that? We have to do an anal probe. Really? It looks rather large for a humans back passage. Don't worry it won't hurt a bit. Hello. Hello, are you a Doctor? Do I look like God? No. Really? Are you sure, because I am a Doctor. That nurse says she's going to shove that elephant between my butt cheeks. Why do you think it's an elephant? Well, it's large, it's grey, it has a trunk and two tusks and it's sort of wrinkly. No! No! I assure you it isn't an elephant. You see, those two sharp looking white things you think are tusks, they are just special probes. And this long hose like thing you think is a trunk, it's just a feeder tube for nutrients. HEY! Get you bleeding mits off my trunk! No one mentioned anything about being shoved up some cobblers buttocks! Well, too late for that I'm afraid. Have to proceed. It's all done in the name of medicine you know. Say what? Pip pip! Toodles! It was at this point that the elephant stomped out of the spacecraft crushing the Doctor and half the crew. I searched around the spacecraft for something in order to help with the scientific experiment. Alas, there was nothing worth probing myself with. I then had to catch the number ten bus home. This was difficult for two reasons, first of all, I was no where near a bus stop, and second of all, the number ten doesn't go anywhere near my home. Luckily, as I opened the door to the spacecraft in order to find the bus stop, I realised I was still in my backyard. The Rhino asked for a lift home, but I made him scab a ride off the Hippopotamus. And thus ends my experience as an Alien probe guinea pig. All done in the name of medical science furthering the understanding of the human psyche. It also explains why so many people who complain of alien abductions walk a little funny afterwards.

My secret life as a sex god.

1. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
2. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
3. My secret life as a sex god.
4. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
5. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
6. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
7. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
8. Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)
9. The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
10. The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
11. Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
12. Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
13. Rolf Harris

My secret life as a sex god. One thing which has always annoyed me in life, is that often someone likes you, but you never hear about it until well after they've got over their initial crush. Or, there are the times that someone comes out and admits they like you (or love you) and they somehow expect that the world is going to change and you're going to sweep them off their feet and gallop off ona white stallion to some stupid castle somewhere. These are of course both sides of the same coin, because in one case we are desperate to KNOW that we are liked ... in the other case we wish WE HADN'T FOUND OUT who liked us. I've had many strange occurrances of things like this happen to me over my life. Of course, the other part of the problem is when we have a crush on someone and can't tell them, or we do eventually get the courage to tell them and they go, 'YUCH!!! THAT'S GROSSSSS!' The fact of the matter is, we all want someone we like to like us. It still annoys the living daylights out of me that I often find out that the girl I had a crush on, had a crush on me, but was only able to tell me AFTER she's run off with one of my friends or married someone else!!! Of course, the fear is, if I had of admitted to her I'd liked her back when she liked me, I was always afraid of the 'OH NO! NOT YOU!' sort of moment. One thing I did notice in my growing up years, was this tendency fro some guys to get absolutely GORGEOUS women, dispite the fact that the guy was ugly, bald, fat, stupid (insert horrible adjective here). In the case of one of my (insert horrible adjective here) friends landing one of these girls, I was of course extremely happy for him. (And possibly slightly jealous ... except when I was with someone, because then I really don't care) :-) Of course, the shoe often lands on the other foot too ... one of your absolutely fabulous friends (male or female) ends up with some total (insert horrible adjective here) person and you wonder what they see in them. Which leads on to my SECRET LIFE as a sex god. Now, I know a lot of you will be disapointed by this story, because you've tuned in to hear my secret tips and juicey bits and pieces of stories. The problem with MY secret life as a sex god, is no one told me till after the fact. Imagine this, young thin starving guy, worked his way off the streets of Sydney by taking a factory job. He turns up at church. Only something really bad happens behind his back, and a little in front of him. That young guy was me, aged about twenty. I started attending a church with one of my friends from school, Gregory. First night at the Christian Fellowship meeting, and soe guy I've never met before walks up and tells me to my face that he knows me and that I am a car thief. The dumb thing about the accussation, was that I couldn't even drive. I'd never had the opportunity to learn. (In fact, I didn't learn till I was twenty three). I ignored the guy, thinking he was some form of idiot. (Idiots take many forms and most aren't listed on the human periodic table as they'd take up too much space). The guy went off to a corner, and I'd keep seeing him talking to people and pointing at me. The rumour mill had started! For some reason, a lot of young girls suddenly started taking an interest in me. At th time I wasn't sure why. Some of it had to do with the rumour of me being a BAD ASS CAR THIEF. They wanted to be the girl to change the bad guy into the reformed evil dude. The NEW cool, somehow rebelious, yet totally nice person. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to happen. There wasn't anything to change. I couldn't drive, I wasn't running around stealing cars and if I ever did try to steal a car, I'd probably kangaroo it into a tree. The rest of the rumours were the interesting things. We went on a camp (like fellowsip groups do), and while I was talking to one of the fellowship leaders, he let slip. 'I hear you are into some pretty wild women,' he said. 'Huh?' 'You like, run around with some wild women.' 'What? No! What do you mean?' 'Like, you're out picking up women every night having sex.' 'No, what gave you that idea?' 'Um, uh, I thought I heard it somewhere.' That was it. THAT WAS THE REASON THE YOUNG GIRLS WERE HANGING AROUND ME! They all thought I was some super experienced SEX MACHINE! The funny thing was, the more I denied it, the more people believed it. They kept telling me I was being 'UNREPENTANT'. I thought I'd stopped the rumours. I eventually moved in with a friend of mine, Craig. One of the house mates at Craigs, was a girl named Lisa. Eventually Craig got married, and Lisa and i had to find another place to live. So we did. We moved into a flat. After about two years, I was ordered by the church to move out, as apparently I shouldn't be living with a girl. So I moved into a place with my bass player Paul. Now, by this time, I was going out with Christine, who would becoem my future wife, and then ex-wife. She had an interesting story to tell me. At her church (she was going to another one), they apparently used to use Lisa and Me as examples of TWO CHRISTIANS LIVING IN SIN!!!! Yes, apparently, everyone though that I and my flatmate Lisa, (who was ALWAYS like a sister to me), we HAVING SEX!!!! Why? BECAUSE HOW COULD SHE RESIST A SEX GOD LIKE DABIDO!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????? Yes, it was all a big surprise to me too. I wish I really did have this SEX APPEAL thing happening. Why am I a sex god behind my back? Why can't I be one to me face???? :-) Anyway, it wasn't the end of my 'SEX GOD' Status. As a musician, I was pretty unaware of how girls felt about me. After I got married I had a few funny epsiodes. A few of the girls from church admitted to having been totally smitten by me when I'd been single (and because I'd got married they suddenly felt they could confess). One young girl (not realising I was married) made a pass at me. I told her I was married, and she kept telling me I wasn't. I kept pointing at the wedding ring. M A R R I E D!!! She had trouble understanding. THAT GIRL THERE! CHRISTINE! SHE IS MY WIFE!!! She still didn't understand. She thought I was joking. I had to get Christine and another girl Cindy to explain it in English for them. AH! Now she understood! Maybe I just don't talk teenage girl. Darn alien languages!!! And that my friends, was my secret life as a sex god. [Girls, please tell me if it's still happening. I'd hate to be wasting my charisma!] :-)

Quick Note For Those Who May Be Visiting For the First Time

It occurred to me, after visiting Minishorts site tonight, that as it was my turn to 'Guest Blog', that a few people may be venturing this way who haven't been here before. (Or maybe my guest blog scared them all off forever! Bwahaahaaa!) Anyway, for those visiting for the first time: On the next post down, you will notice a list of things. This is the list of 'subjects / Titles' I am going to be blogging on in the near future. The way it works is this, if you wish for me to blo on something, just add it to my comments section. It can be a subject, such as 'Rolf Harris', or it can be a title, like 'what does it mean if I wear pink underwear'. Or, if you like, you can ask a question. Everything gets added (though I may censor any naughty words), and I'll do my best to blog about it. Don't worry if what you suggest might seem weird, strange or completely off someone elses wall, I'll do my best to make head or tail of it, and write something. And if you are visiting for the first time, Welcome. And all those return visiting, 'Thanks, and please come again' [said in my best Apu impersonation]. And the twenty to fifteen of you who return visit and never speak, please, say something! :-) Cheers, Dabido.

What Beatles Songs REALLY Mean.

Before I get started, here is the REVISED list - I chopped the top off the list. You can link to the other parts from 1. (Fight or Flight)

1. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
2. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
3. My secret life as a sex god.
4. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
5. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
6. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
7. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
8. Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)
9. The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
10. The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
11. Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
12. Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
13. Rolf Harris

What Beatles Songs REALLY Mean. A long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away, I used to be in a rock band. My lead guitarist was a guy named Brett. Brett absolutely loved the Beatles. One day, while we were speaking, I asked which were his favourite Beatles songs. He said, 'The ones which don't make any sense.' I replied, 'But, they all make sense! Why don't you think they make sense?' 'Well they don't! They were all off their rockers on drugs in the later years and didn't know what they were writing.' I had to disagree and asked him to give and example of a song which didn't make sense. The first song he chose was 'She Came In Through The Bathroom Window.' 'Ah,' I said. 'That makes perfect sense, it was written by Paul MacCartney about the time some girls broke into his house while he was away.' 'But,' replied poor Brett. 'What's it mean when he says "protected by her silver spoon"? Surely she didn't think a spoon could be used as a weapon.' 'Of course not Brett. Haven't you ever heard the saying, "born with a Silver Spoon in your mouth"? It means being born lucky. So she was being protected by her luck.' 'Oh, then what's the song "Sexy Sadie" about?' 'That young Brett, was written by Lennon after he became disillussioned by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi." "But! But! Isnt' "Lucy in he Sky with Diamonds" about LSD?' "Nope! Wrong again! John wrote it about a painting his son Julian had done. When he aked Julian what the painting was, he said it was "Lucy in the sky with Diamonds", and that's how the song got it's name." 'Really? Then tell me what the song lyrics mean. Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye. Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess, Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down. I am the eggman, they are the eggmen. I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob. Come on, tell me what they mean?' 'Um ... er ... ah ... well obviously John was completely drugged off his nut when he wrote THOSE ones!!!'

Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.

A Quick Reminder of the LIST of subjects so far:

1. Crazy Dates I may have been on. Part I
2. New ways to take over the world. Part I
3. New ways to take over the world. Part II
4. New ways to take over the world. Part III
5. New ways to take over the world. Part IV
6. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
7. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
8. My secret life as a sex god.
9. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
10. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
11. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
12. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
13. Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)
14. The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
15. The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
16. Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
17. Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
18. Rolf Harris

I'll give the World Domination a bit of a rest for tonight, and will skip to the next subject. This performs two things. First, it keeps the regulars in suspense. Second, it gives me something else to blog about - a bit of variety, whcih probably wouldn't hurt the readers also. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero. In history, a lot of people remember the heroes who stayed, fought, died, and then had statues erected in their honour. In some cases, they stayed, fought, died, and everyone else died and no statues were erected. What a waste. Enter history, a Hero, who was cool underfire, was able to have horses shot from under him, have bullets go into his coat, yet still able to run away without loosing any of his credibility. If you choose to be a hero, then this is probably the hero you should choose. A man who lost more battles than he won, yet was still able to command the utmost respect from his peers. I'm not talking Ghengis Khan ... he won every battle. I'm not talking Sun Tzu ... he also won every battle. I'm not talking Patton, Rommel, Hannibal, Julius Caesar, Pikachu, Yamamoto, Musashi, Alexander the Great or Ramses. I'm talking someone who the American's revere greatly. I'm talking George Washington. At 20 years of age, he was attacked by smallpox. This, he couldn't run away from. As such, his face became scarred for life. At 22 years of age, George decided to shoot at some French Canadians. Those French Canadians had deliberately wandered into Ohio, which is a good enough reason to shoot at anyone. This started the French and Indian war, though no actual Indians were involved, just Native Americans, the French, the English and their colonists. It's also called the Seven Years War by people outside America, but most American's can't remember how long it went for. George built Fort Necessity. The French turned up, and told him he wasn't a necessity for Fort Necessity, and George promptly surrended it. Thus, learning how to run away for the first time. Well, this was more a meander away, as he wasn't underfire and didn't need to run. George later went with the English to fight at the "Battle of the Monongahela". Here was where four shots were fired into his coat, and two horses were shot from under him. It is said his third horse was heard to mutter, 'Oh well, I've had a good life.' This is where George proved he was a man worth running away with. While the English were basically being slaughtered, George organised the retreat, staying calm and cool. Many men (and horses) owe their lives to George that day. His third horse was heard to mutter after the battle, 'Oh, yeah! Lucky number three!' George was involved in only one more battle in the seven years war, and that was a win for the British at Fort Duquesne. Brigadier General John Forbes, the English commander was heard to say after the battle, 'Didn't need you after all Georgie boy. We didn't run away this time!' 'I did fight in the battle to you know!' replied George. 'Sure you did old chum! Sure you did!' 'Bloody British!' George mumbled! 'You'll keep!' 'I say, we're going to rename Fort Duquesne, Fort Pitt, after Brad Pitt. Say what?' In 1775, during the American Revolution, John Adams realized the Continental Army, which was made mainly of volunteers, was no match for the Professional British soldiers. 'What we need,' said John. 'Is someone who knows how to run away a lot, while still keeping the army together. I suggest, George Washington, the bravest man ever to organise a retreat.' The Continental Congress agreed. A year later, at the Battle of Long Island, George was able to prove John correct. After realising there were no long island ice teas on the island, George successfully organised another retreat. The amazing thing being that he kept the majority of his army in tact with few losses or desertions. (No drinks, no dessert ... are they out of everything on Long Island?) George wasn't all running away though, and on Christmas night, he crossed the Delaware and his forces hid in the English stockings. Imagine their surprise on Xmas day when out popped George and his men. He then followed this by going to Princeton, (Oh, an Ivy League man!!!) and giving General Cornwallis the shock of his life. 'Charles, I'm here to give you a lecture.' Said George. 'Sorry George, have to take a feather from your cap, and run away like a hero! Exit, stage left!' The Battle of Brandywine saw George using his patented retreat methods again. Later that year, an aid ran up to George saying, 'General Washington, The English are in Germantown!!!' 'They can't do that! They're not GERMAN AT ALL!' Unfortunately, dispite his outrage, George was unable to dislodge the Ebglish from Germantown, and was forced to retreat. They wintered in Valely Forge, which was nothing like Valley of the Dolls, and only slightly better that the Valley of the Shadow of Death. June 1778 saw the Battle of Monmouth. Washington and his men atacked the British forces. One of Washington's men, General Lee, seized his opportunity to run away like a real hero and sounded a general retreat. Washington, argued with Lee as running away like a real hero has a lot to do with choosing the right time to run away. Washington rallied the men and fought on. At the end of the battle, no one had won. Heat Stroke and Sun Stroke claimed more lives than the bullets and cannon, and subsequently declared themselves the overall winners. General Lee was later court marshalled for running away, which was sort of ironic, as he should have run away from the court marshalling. Clearly a man who didn't know when to run and when to fight. The French and American forces eventually trapped General Charles Cornwallis at Yorktown. Yorktown was more of a seige not a battle. George marched his army down from the north and joined the seige. Cornwallis eventually surrended, thus ending the US War of Independence. Though I have told this in a humourous way, there are some things that canbe said about George. Though he ran away more often than not, he was up against a professional army. His own army consisted mainly of volunteers and weren't really trained until 1778 when Baron Friedrich von Steuben started to give them a hand. The secret of his success lay in choosing his battles. Knowing when to stand and when to run. Also, his character made men followers. Many another General would not have been able to hold such a rabble together, but George could. Though other Generals throughout history have also had the good sense to run away when they couldn't possibly win, none had the ability to keep a mish mash army together after many defeats. I take my hat off to George Washington. A man who could run away like a real hero. The lessons learned here: Choose your battles carefully. Stay focused on your eventual goal. Know when to run and when to stand and fight. There might even be some more lessons, but hopefully, we've all learned how to run away like a real hero.

New Ways to Take Over the World Part IV

New Ways to Take Over the World Part IV - Computer Power We've managed to get our Anti-Personnel bits working, plus, we've also got the greatest Anti-Tank weapon knopwn to man kind. It's time to get some heavy heavy computing power. After all, if we're going to get a Secret Moonbase (The one th eUS used to film the moonlanding which never happened), then we need something equal to the computing power the US used to get there. As some of you know, NASA actualyl used less processing power then 64k. So, we want something to equal that enormous processing power.

Enter, the C64.

Now that we have the computing power to get to our secret moonbase, we also need some awesome power to do all our supercomputing needs. For this we need our very own Cray supercomputer. I give you the Cray!!! Next, we need to network these two silicon Giants together. We get the supercomputer controling the Space Program Commodore 64. Not only can we now control our rocket ships between the Moon and Earth, but we can also use this for CBM fired at other nations, any missles launched from the moon, and ordering pizza on line. We can also play Pacman and a multitude of other retro games. I was going to include a Beowulf Cluster I was working on, but not having a Beowulf, I substituted Shrek. We grab about ten Shrek plastic models and melt them together. (Unfortunately, I am too lazy to take a photo of it ... um ... well, too lazy to GIMP the photo's together, as I'ma bit under the weather and there is a Japanese Movie on TV tonight that I want to watch.) This masive computing power can also be used to control the Table Legs we have scattered over the earth, as well as working out the best placement for these devices by mapping them with a nice program written in Commodore Basic (complete with Commodore graphic Sprites). Poke this and Peek that!!!! :-) (Oh geees, showing my age with that reference!) Result - All your bases are ours! With our new found computing power, we are also able to hack any of our enemies computers, even using brute force, because our C64-Cray supercomputer is unstoppable! [Insert manic Super Villian Laugh here!] Tomorrow - Taking control of the High Seas!

Before I continue.

Before I start, there is some good news and some bad news I'd like to share. Good News First - Yesterday, I got the results from my Business Course exam, and I passed with 97%. (And kicked myself when I realised why I dropped the marks. Daggnammit!) Bad News - My mother was once again at the Doctors today. Regular readers might remember I did the mercy dash with her to hospital a few weeks ago, and then she had an operation shortly after. Well, the news is, the polyp they removed wasn't completely benign, and she's still been bleeding. She has to go into hospital for another operation to completely remove a large chunk of her. She's pretty scared, so any prayers for her will be much appreciated. She goes under the knife in a bout a month. She's not going to be able to drive or anything for a month or two after the operation, so looks like I'm going to be the taxi service once again. (Starting from today, as the Doc told her not to drive and stay off her feet and stuff). She was worried her pot plants might die while she is in hospital, but I assured her that we'd kill thme before she goes in, so that way she'll have nothing to worry about. She thought that was funny. (I better not tell her about the Dogs though!) :-)

New Ways To Take Over The World. Part III

New Ways to Take Over the World Part III - The History Primer continued With the end of WWII, Russia decided to use it's Ice Vodka in what was eventually called, the Cold War. The main aim of the cold war was for the US to sell a lot of bad movies based on Russian Spies played by American's with bad Russian accents (or in the case of 'The Hunt For Red October' a Scotish accent who believes all Russian Submarine Commanders speak with a Scotish accent ... which in some cases is true after you get some scotch into them). The Russian really cemented their intent, when they built a large wall in Berlin so that dissidents had something to write annoying slogans on. Two important things happened during the cold war. First of all, Elvis was drafted into the Army to devistating effect. Second, the Russians were going to put missiles on Cuba, but settled for paying the Mafia to shoot JFK from a grassy knoll. This is not to be mistaken for Beyonce's Knolls which are much larger and nicer to look at. Shots were not exchanged during the cold war until Korea and Vietnam. Two important reasons why these wars were important. One, it stopped communists playing dominoes. Second, it gave Hollywood some much needed material to break up the monotony of creating WWII movies. With Korea they were able to bring us M*A*S*H, and with Vietnam they were able to bring us protest songs, Full Metal Jacket, Platoon, Tour of Duty and many other movies that utilised the aforementioned protest songs. Many other minor wars occurred, leading into Iraq I and the sequel Iraq II. The only good thing to come out of both these wars was possibly the movie 'Three Kings' which in many ways was just a retelling of 'Kelly's Heroes' which is still a better movie by at least three out of five stars. This leads us to the latest ways people, countries and organisations are trying to take over the world. Ignoring Doctor Evil for a moment (and many other Super Villians), we move onto the latest research being performed by the US Government in it's attempt for world domination. Marketing itself as the 'World Leader' (though no other country ever remembers voting for it ... nor do they remember being invited to play against the US in any of their 'World Series' sporting matches!) With Lady Di (Princess of Wales) having successfully removed most land mines from the world (with third world nations being ignored, because well, not many American's live there. Plus land mines still having a use there as a deterent against children), the US needed a replacement 'Anti-Personnel Weapon'. They needed something silent and unsuspecting which looked non-threatening, yet would prove lethal on the battle field. MacDonnell Douglas (the aircraft builders) were able to supply the answer.

THE TABLE LEG!!!!

'After all,' they reasoned to the US President. 'How often have you accidently knocked your knee against one, spending several minutes rolling around. This is by far the greatest cause of incapacitation, with a possible exception of MTV Hypnosis being used on teenagers!' The President gave his approval. Then knocked his knee getting up from his desk, delaying the press conference to announce the new weapon by an hour. The US first started testing the weapon in their normal markets, where they test most of their weapons of destruction. A place where violence never ends, and death is a common everyday occurrance.

The European Soccer field!

The Table Leg proved to be a much better weapon than the previous attempts the US had made to develop an anti-personnel weapon. The Lava Lamp had been a dismal failure. It failed to explode when the military expected. The Bean Bag had failed utterly to suffocate enough soldiers in it's trials. And the common everyday 'Blue Screen Of Death' had failed to accually live up to it's name. The trials continued, slaying many a European star. Europe was in a state of crisis. The USSR tried to counter act the table leg with it's own devices. First it tried sarcasm. When that didn't work, they tried reading it 'The Selected Works of V.I. Lenin'. There was limited success. The KGB tried a last ditch effort with some bad results. They drenched table legs with vodka (sorry, no ribena) and waited for Russian Politicians to like the legs. Some success was acheived when some of the politicians got the taste for wood and gnawed their way through the table leg. Unfortunately, this was lethalto the politician as large wooden tables and desks landed on their heads. The KGB had to cover up this fatal mistake, and so invented a lie that they were secretly getting rid of dissidents for not writing enough graffiti on te Berlin Wall. Thus began the rumour that a 'gulag' prison system existed. Knowing it could not conteract the table leg, the Soviet Union collapsed in a dismal heap. The US continued in it's testing. Reasoning that if a table leg could take out a man, then surely it could take out tanks, and even entire battalions of tanks. During the first Gulf war, they tried the new weapon. It was amazing! Just leaving giant table legs around brought the entire of Saddam's army to it's knees ... and then some. The second Iraq war, actual a hunt for missing table legs. So secret was this weapon, that the CIA could not divulge the real reason for attacking Iraq. Apparently, several hundred undetonated table legs were still unaccounted for after the first war. When they found Hussien hiding in his rat hole, the soldier screamed at him, 'Where are the table legs Saddam?!!!' 'I was just looking for them down that little hole! Honest, I was!' 'In your underpants?' 'Hey, it's a kinky sort of a hole!' A cavity search then occurred, but no table legs were found. Three tanks with six table legs. Circled in red, the three tanks just didn't have a chance. Note the accuracy of the Table Leg. Left standing in the middle of a desert, it actually attracts tanks to it, before proverbially knee capping them! The tank in the middle is the new WWI Retro tank. Looks exactly like a WWI model with all the warmth of the old analog model from the turn of the last century, with all the firepower of a hamster.

Which Greek God Are You?

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

New Ways To Take Over The World. Part II

NEW WAYS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD (Part II) - The History Primer Continued After the dark ages of history, the quest to take over the world continued. First of all, Europe decided that it owned the entire world. Spain and Portugal decided to split the world in two at Toledo and decided Spain owned half, and Portugal the half. Not wanting to be out down, England also decided she owned half ... along with France and Holland and Belgium etc all deciding they owned half. It wasn't too bad, as the discovery of the New World (The America's) meant there were more halves to go around ... so everyone could own half. Of course, this was all news to the Chinese, the Indians, the Japanese, the Africans, the Aztecs, Incas, and assorted Native Americans. They wer enone too pleased when crazy European Foreign dogs turned up telling them they no longer owned the land they were standing on, but it was now part of [place Europen power name here]. It's no wonder the Chinese were totally Minged off, and then later Chi'nged off! The Ottomans, other than being a piece of furniture didn't want to be out done. They took over control of most of the Muslim world, hoping to make some impact. The French decided to have a stab at World Domination with a foreign dude names Napoleon. He was nicknamed the Little Corporal, even though he'd never actually held that rank. He apparently ran around with a copy of Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War' in his pocket. Whether this is true or not is a matter of much debate. He probably grabbed a copy that had been left by Ghengis on his travels (left gathering dust under his copy of Lonely Planet Guide for World Conquest). Napoleon was going great guns. Mainly as the French (being lovers and not fighters) had left the majority of the fighting to the Grande Armee which was largely made up of foriengers. The world was quaking in it's proverbial boots for a while (except the parts of the world which didn't own boots ... they didn't see much of the action at all). It was all a big party, till on the way to Moscow, the Gande Armee ran out of food. This was caused by a Russian 'scorched earth policy'. The tactic works a little like this, to stop your enemy coming into your country and burning your crops, poisoning your wells and raping your women and children, you do it all first. It worked fantastically and because of it less Russians died. Napoleon made it to Moscow, but found everyone had left for a bigger party in st Petersburg. In frustration, he set fire to it and ran away like all good teenagers do. The English upper classes were appaled. After all, they hadn't been invited to the party, and had to make do inviting themselves into Portugal and sinking French fleets at Egypt (battle of the Nile) and Trafalga. Eventually, Wellington made it to a place called Waterloo. With his Prussian ally Blucher, they decided to kick Napoleons butt. Which they almost didn't do, as Blucher was a little late, having to fight another of Napoleons forces a little down the road. The world was so happy they named a pair of boots after Wellington and deicded to invent quotes like, 'The Battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton'. Wellington of course couldn't have said this, as there were no playing fields at Eton when he was alive ... and if he did say it, it probably shows he was completely off his nut! The tussle over the world continued in a tit and tat sort of fashion until World War One. (Yeah, I skipped a LOT of history there to get to the exciting bits). Named the War to End all wars, everyone decided to turn up. The marketing department had certainly done their homework and everyone was excited, except Archduke Franz Ferdinand who missed the whole thing except the very beginning. Now amongst that piece of history we missed, was a side conflict called the English Civil War ... which lead to the US war of Independence (which was English Civil War part II ... but no one ever calls it that). Which eventually lead to the US deciding that they needed a Civil war too, because if the English had one, they were going to do one bigger and better. Now the reason this was important, was it lead to a great advance in technologies. The siege of Petersburg introduce the use of the TRENCH. England decided that if the trench was good enough for the US (who were obviously so much better as they'd whooooped their butts), then it was good enough for English lads to stand in too. Of course, the rest of Europe decided to follow and soon everyone was standing knee deep in mud and waste products. WWI saw the introduction or popularisation of such things as the Air-eo-plane, the Tank, the machine gun, larger artillery, submarines, Battleships, the Battle Cruiser, the suicide run at a machine gun, mustard gas, more mud and trenches, fire and movement, the risk theory, air craft carriers, chemical warfare, the Xmas tree, James Bond (Mata Hari reference!), and bad posters telling us that someone 'WANTS YOU!' Imagine everyone's surprise when twenty odd years later there was a sequel. 'We'll call this one World War Two', said the marketing department. 'But, we just had the war to end all wars!' exclaimed the world. The marketing department just gave a knowing smile, tapped the side of his nose and laughed all the way to the bank. Where as World War One didn't actually involve EVERY nation on earth ... World War Two didn't either! Um ... yeah! By this time the English had helped the Ottoman Empire collapse on itself (with the help of T.E. Lawrence ... aka Lawrence of Arabia). This time however, Japan decided to emulate the Europeans by creating an Empire as well. This totally infuriated the Europeans, as they'd been telling the rest of the world to be more like them for years, and they didn't like someone actually taking them up on the offer! More advancements in technology followed. Planes became metal, Battleships became unimportant as the Aircraft Carrier proved a more worthy weapon. Hitler, a foreigner in German who unlike Napoleon ACTUALLY WAS A CORPORAL at one stage, decided he could rule the world. Not wanting to be outdone by Napoleon, he also attacked Russia. Russia had a new taactic by this stage. Stand, freeze to death, and have the enemy do the same. The Germans liked Lenningrad so much, they stayed and froze there for about four years. The Germans had discovered Rocketry, but had not invented the astronaut ... so they used their rockets on the English. They also invented the Blitzkreig (Lightning War), though very little lightning was actually fought against. Admiral Yamato told the Japanese he could only guarantee victory against the American's for six months. At Midway, he discovered he was right. Somedays, it doesn't pay to be right. The Americans respected him so much, they later shot him down in a plane. Eventually, the US discovered that using the NEW PHYSICS of Einstein and other German speaking people, they could blow up rather large quantities of anything they wanted. Rather than using against a military target (such as the Japanese Fleet at Leyte Gulf), they kept it and used it against a civilian population. The Japanese parliment decided they would fight on. So the US dropped a second one on another civilian population. The ever popularly stuborn Japanese Government decided agin they would fight on, until Emporer Hirohito told them to get real and surrender already. Beign told to 'get real' by their god was enough for the Japanese parliment to give it some thought and actually surrender. This war left the Americans believing they owned the world. I think I've now successfully insulted almost everyone on the face of the planet in some way or form ... and will continue with Part Three tomorrow. :-)

My Apologies

My apologies everyone - Normal service will hopefully resume soon. I had some computer problems over the weekend. Somehow some malware got onto my computer in the form of an Anti-Virus Blocker - which explains why my Anti-Virus software wasn't working properly. Spent most of the weekend trying to find whatever it was that was causing my computer to act weird, and the seventh application I ran found it. (I run my anti-virus / Ad ware remover / spy bot removers etc every week ... plus have the usual firewalls and stuff running). Computer is working again. It meant that I couldn't finish my business plan on the weekend, so was hard at it today. Tomorrow is the last day of the course, so hopefully will get it finished then. Plus, have the exam to do and the bookkeeping assignment. Hasn't been made easy, as my sister and her husband has dropped her sons off here. So am constantly being interrupted to look after them. So once again, my apologies for not finishing off the story etc.

Why can't some people take YES as an answer?

Before I get to Part II of that thingy abou ttaking over the world blah blah blah - I will digress with my usual complaints, whinges, rants about my life. Some people just liek to argue. My mother is one of these sorts of people. Today, she claimed that the only reason both people in a relationship work in Australia, is because of GREED. I disagreed and told her that for lower income families, it was a necessity for both to work. She disagreed and told me it was 100% pure greed. I recognised her mood, and decided that regardless of what followed, I'd just stand there and agree with her. To my surprise, her arguement actually backed up what I'd said. She continued:

• In her days people didn't own cars! Cars were a luxury item! You need them to drive kids to school now, because you can't let them walk to school in case they get kidnapped or assulted! In her day, they let all the kids walk to school! Now you can't do that!
• In her day, there was a baker, and a milkman and a butcher who all deliverd yoru food to your door! Now you need a car to go shopping, as no one delivers. (NOTE: I did pay to have my groceries delivered once, and they arrived four hours after purchase and all the frozen goods were melted!!!)
• In her day, you could go out and leave the doors unlocked! Now, you have to have insurance and have security! No one had even heard of insurrance in her day.

While she babbled on, I didn't correct her about her 'GREED' hypothosis. Sure, there is some truth that people are more materialistic today. That wasn't my point. The difference between the 'haves' and 'have nots' now a days is growing larger. Lower income families do need to have both parents working in order to have some of these things ... like a car. I also know a lot of these families who can't afford a car. The very point I was trying to make, was being made by my mother and her examples. I decided to stand there agreeing with her. (It would have been dangerous to point out she'd swapped her ide of the arguement). Only, agreeing wasn't enough. As soon as I said, 'Yeah!' in agreement to something she said, she repied with, 'NO!' and repeated her point, as though I had disagreed with her! I thought, 'Okay, it's one of those days.' I then stood there without saying a word and let her rant. Sometimes, people just need to rant to get something out of their system. She was in a bad mood yesterday, though I don't know why. She was yelling at everyone (my brother and the dogs). I escaped and sat on the computer taking over the world (as I usually do) 'Shogun Total War' ... well that's taking over Japan 'Axis and Allies' - a war game of WWII, and then I reloaded. I absolutely kill it on the most difficult level. 'Railway Tycoon II Gold edition' - I reloaded it and started from scratch. I've won that on the hardest level before. I must have forgotten how it works, as I got stuck on the third scenario. Kept repeatedly getting silver medals instead of gold. DARN! I realised something about the game too ... often I don't like the aim of the scenario and prefer to do my own thing. In the third scenario, you are supposed to create a train line from the US East to the US West Coast. I find I prefer to just join up all the things and make money. (Like connecting the iron and coal mines to th Steel mill to produce steel. Or connecting the grain to the cattle ranch and then connecting the ranch to the meat packing plant!) You get the idea. In the end, I played the scenario through without even trying to get to the West Coast (This was about my seventh attempt to do better than Silver Medal). I just connected everything in the east. If it was the real world, I probably would have been considered a great success, as I made a lot of money (well, the railroad did). Actually, it was absolutely gushing money!!! I lost the game though, as I didn't complete the task set. Isn't life sometimes like that though. We are set one task to do, but there is always something more intersting somewhere else. Why do we spend our lives doing the tasks set by others, when we can follow our own paths? I guess that's one of the reasons I'm starting my own business. I'd rather go off in directions I want to explore rather than being placed in a situation where I am at the mercy of someone else. Of course, the danger in doing this, is we are then subject to the tides of life which may take us in directions we can't control. We have to steer our own boat, and hope that we don't hit rocks and that we have some skills in navigating our way to our chosen destination.

New Ways To Take Over The World. Part I

List of Subjects So Far:

1. Crazy Dates I may have been on. Part I
2. New ways to take over the world.
3. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
4. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
5. My secret life as a sex god.
6. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
7. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
8. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
9. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
10. Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22nd)
11. The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
12. The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
13. Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
14. Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date
15. Rolf Harris

NEW WAYS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD (Part I) - The History Primer Before getting to the actual mechanics of taking over the world, we need to do a brief History Primer. That way, we know what people have tried before, and can succesfully learn from their mistakes. Let's begin. In recent years it's become popular to try to take over the world. Recent years, of course starting sometime in BC, with Arthur C. Clarke's gorilla's in Kubrik's movie '2001: A Space Odyssey'. (A lot more popular than Dabido's film "2001.333 re-occurring a calculator malfunction"). They of course, tried the jaw bone of an ass. Something the US has been trying recently too, but I digress. Let's start with the Chou Empire, which resulted in a split. TheEastern Chou empire, and the Western Chou empire - leaving both Empires Half Chewed! (Did I relly make that joke? Yes, I did!) :-) The Assyrians were next, not realising that if you attack all your neighbours, eventually, they all get the same idea for world conquest. Of course, the senior citizens at the time blamed it on that younger generation with thier new 'GAME' called Chess. An obvious bad influence which leads to them displaying much violence. After all, it is the worlds first war game, even if it was invented in China ... and India ... and Syria ... and well, who hasn't claimed they invented chess first? With their neighbours liking the idea of killing people, Babylonia and Persia decided they'd have a crack at the World Domination Game too. Babylonia took Israel captive, only to have it all turn into a song about the Rivers of Babylon. As retaliation, to the song, the Babylonians hung some gardens! The Persians of course, fell foul to the Greeks, who decided to send 300 gay warriors. It showed the world, that no matter how much you look like Boy George, you can still stop traffic with a short skirt, a long hard spear and a tight space! I'm talking about Themopylae!!!! The Persians did eventually sneak up on them and gave it to them from the rear. This of course inspired Alexander the Great, who tried to conquer the world till he discovered it was a big place. His army was eventually stopped when Alex decided that dying young would stick him in an 'immortally' remembered category similar to James Dean and Elvis Presley. (Whom he greatly admired, even though neither had yet been born. Alex was of course a visionary of a sort). Of course, his title 'The Great' was actually adorned on him by his numerous boyfriends, because after sex, Alex would ask, 'How was I?' And they'd all reply, 'Great! Great! You were just Great Alex'. They said this regardless of his performance, because after all, he'd have trampled them to death with his horse if they said anything otherwise. The Roman Empire was next. You might think that all the action was happening in the west at this stage. It was. After a while though, the Romans decided Alexander had been right about the world being a BIG PLACE. They decided to build a few puny walls around the place (Hadrians Walls etc). This was mainly to keep the Scots out (who loved to drink too much and start fights ... 'Hey! Who yooooou loookin' at Jimmy?') . It was also to keep the Germans out of the Humour section of the worlds library (which is why to this day, most Germans still don't have a sense of humour. I know this is true because my German friend Marcus told me.) Meanwhile, in the East the Indians decided to have half a go. Unfortuntely, the Maurya Empire stopped it's expansion when King Ashoka got to the Himalayas and asked where the escalator was. Finding it hadn't yet been invented, he decided to wait ... and wait ... only to discover on his death bed that it was going to be a LONG time before anyone did invent it. His final words in this world were, 'Why didn't you tell me earlier? I could have taken a helicopter or plane!' No one had the heart to ask him what he was babbling about. (I might point out, that had King Ashoka realised he couldn't get his elephants up the escalators, the world would have been a very different place). The Chinese decided to get chins waging by introducing the Ch'in Empire. This resulted in China being unified for the very first time, but alas, they also realised the world was A BIG place ... and decided to invent mahjong instead. At about this time, Jesus came along and invented religious door knocking. It became so annoying, that the Romans nailed him up in order to stop him ringing door bells. Rather than having the desired effect, it actually produced more door knockers. Nero later discovered that they also made great candles! In China, the Han Empire came into being. Eventually it split in two, as it was discovered that the left Han didn't know what the right Han was doing. India was taken over by the Gupta Empire. This was started by King Chandragupta, who, after marrying the right girl, found her dowry was the half of India that he just co-incidently didn't happen to own. Imagine the shock on his wedding night when he discovered THAT!!! 'The other half of India dear? The bed's not big enough!' At about this time, a short guy named Atilla decided that he and his Hun friends should rule the world. Atilla was a dwarf, and was very upset that he was always cast as Doppy in all the plays at school. This is enough to send ANYONE over the edge, and in Attila's case, sent him first to the Roman Empire. Not only did his troops kick Rome in the balls, but also wrote grafitti over half their empire. Not wanting to be outdone by Rome, the Gupta Empire decided they needed their butts kicked too! The Chinese, upon hearing of this, decided they wanted a turn. So in one decisive blow, Attila rampaged across the known world and then died of a heart attack while trying to mount a maiden in bed! She was far too big, and he always exerted himself too much climbing, but he insisted on top! Apparently, he liked the view. Unfortunately, Attila wasn't into empire building. He was an anti-monopolist, so he left very little in the way of an Empire behind. The previous Empires were in ruins. The Celts decided to get a little Frank ... and France was born. Or more precisely, the Holy Roman Empire was born, though it wasn't very Holy, wasn't Roman and not much of an Empire. In the Eastern part of the West, Byzantine tried to pretend to be the remnants of the Eastern Part of the glorious Roman Empire. It was constantly being battered by the Caliphs, who had arisen because of Islam. In China, there as turmoil for a long time, with pig calling (Sui) and eventually they started selling Tang, a left over from their original space agency. (We've all heard the story of the Chinese Philosopher who tried to go into space by tying fireworks to his chair. No? Darn! That's a waste of a joke then!!!) Anyway, they liked Tang so much, they named the Dynasty after it. In the west, there was a long period of Papal domination. In the middle East and Africa there was domination from Islam. Several huge holy wars broke out between these two ideologies. It is my educated belief though, that it may have started at a party when both sides realised neither had turned up with any Tang. What were they to drink???? The Indians were still having trouble inventing escalators for their Elephants. Though they'd stablised by now, they broke into small factions ruled by Sultanates and other grape derivatives. China had now got over it's Tang period and was getting into Karioke. They started with a Beatles catalogue with 'Only a Northern Sung' ... but later went South with a Southern Sung. Ghengis Khan eventually had a crack at World Domination. It was from him we get the word 'Hordes', because of his military organisation. The Mongols were able to get into China once they discovered a trick. They told the Chinese that the Great Wall was actually the flower wall in Mahjong, and kept pretending they had a flower tile and wanted another off the wall. This is why some of the Great Wall is now lying in ruins in some places. Ghengis world tour took him all over Asia and Europe. He didn't venture to the US or Japan, as their record buying markets were yet to be well developed. Africa was completely off his list, as there was no way he was playing Sun City ... especially before it was built! (Showing my age with that reference!) And Thus ends Part one. The World History Primer lesson. Tomorrow, I will continue with Part two. Rise of the Modern idiots! From 1500 to modern idiots who still couldn't take over the world.

Ask me to Blog on Any Subject!

Okay, so far we have ten (plus the added bonus of adding more Part II's etc to the Crazy Dates, and other sagas). I'm going to throw this open a little as well!

ASK ME TO BLOG ON ANY SUBJECT!

I may not be an expert on everything, but I am good at making stuff up!!! So I'll allow you to add subjects to my comments box. As many subjects as you want, just include a little hint that you aren't abusing me, but writing the line like this:

SUBJECT: [Place subject here - This is what Dabido should blog about].

After all, if you write something like this:

Baka Idiot from Australia!

I may think you are calling me names, when you are just listing it as something for me to blog about ... of course if you want to insult me, just do this:

INSULT: You are an idiot from Australia.

It stops any confusion! :-)

List of Subjects So Far:

1. Crazy Dates I may have been on. Part I
2. New ways to take over the world.
3. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
4. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
5. My secret life as a sex god.
6. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
7. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
8. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
9. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!
10. Alien Abduction Tale Part II (Original will appear on Minishorts site on Oct 22^nd)

Some New Ones:

1. The Day I became a Neurosurgeon
2. The Art of Dumping a Girl You're Not Even Going Out With
3. Baggy Trousers – Why my balls still work!
4. Eddie – The guy who couldn't get a Date

If worst comes to worst, I'll just steal news headlines and write my own stories to them. :-)

I'm not going to have time to get to the 'New Ways to take over the world' post tonight – I still have some photo's I need to download for it (Yeah, this one comes with pictures!):-) I also have run out of time tonight, and need my beauty sleep ... lots of it! :-)

One of my friends from Sydney phoned me and we had a great conversation for a long time. She'd managed to do this after I'd had a long conversation with my brother over todays occurances. Then, I wanted to read through all the usual blogs (The ones liste don the side bar) and found that EVERYONE (well, almost everyone) had updated and there was a lot fo good reading to get through. (Plus I visited about ten other blogs on my trip through the blogsphere!!!)

No wonder I have very little time! Lol

Today was great though. Got to my business course. When I left on Tuesday, I was supposed to be the next in line to see the lecturer/mentor about my business plan. Imagine how upset I became when he didn't see me ... then he kept seeing everyone else. I was P***ed off beyond belief!

I waited ... waited ... waited. Then four O'Clock came. I was still waiting and it was time to go home! Four thirty came ... and he walked in the room.

'Oh! I thought you'd left. I just left a message on your home answering machine!' He said as he walked in.

'Um, no! I've been waiting!'

So, I got to see him. We finished at five o'cock!

The reason he didn't see me first thing, was he had been impressed by my business plan. He's given my permission to write the Executive Summary and finish the whole thing off! YES! I am finished the Business Plan part! (Sort of ... maybe .. once I write the summary!)

He'd seen everyone else, as they were far behind where I was at! (Well, two others have finished already! But, we all knew that!)

I didn't need the extra time to finish my Business Plan off, while the others needed the extra tiem to work on it.

I only have two other things left to finish the course (so three in total) and get my Cert IV in Small Business Management!

• An eighteen question exam
• A bookkeeping Assignment

The course officially finishes next Tuesday, so I have three days in order to finish everything off. Piece of CAKE!!! :-) Hmmm, cake!

Some of you might also have noticed, (or maybe you didn't) that on some other peoples blogs, I sort of casually mentioned that I am not 'available' at present. I thought I'd better clarify some of that. I haven't run off with a GF or something. What's happened, is one of my Japanese friends has decided to introduce me to one of her friends, and I've agreed to give the girl an exclusive chance to tear her way through the Teflon Suit! That means I'm not going to be chasing anyone else in the meantime and I won't be accepting any advances from ladies either.

Yeah, it might be a bit weird, but I've agreed to it. So, might end up with a BF/GF relationship, or might just be a bit of time wasting. Well, not really time wasting. You don't know if you don't give it a go. So, at present, I'm giving this young lady a fairgo at capturing me. (Not often I do that. I normaly just let them slip off the suit!!!) :-)

If everything goes well, this will probably be the first place you hear about it. (Otherwise, it may pop up as a casual mention in someone's comments section).

And for the record, I discovered the girl (whom I'd assumed was Japanese ... long story as to how that assumption came about), is a Malaysian girl. Hmmm, now to wait and see ... this might be a new experience for her ... rather than the guy waiting and seeing if he captures the girl, I'm sitting here waiting to see if she slides off, like hot butter off a pancake!

Hmmmm Pancake! Yum! :-)

Crazy Dates I have been on.

Here is a brief list of things I suggested to Minishorts that I might blog about on her site. As it stands, I wrote an Alien Abduction story (coming soon ... well on Oct 22nd to Minishorts Blog)

1. Crazy Dates I may have been on. (Todays)
2. New ways to take over the world.
3. Fight or Flight? How to run away like a real hero.
4. What Beatles Songs REALLY mean.
5. My secret life as a sex god.
6. How to burp tunes and blow bubbles out your nose.
7. Thesaurus - the dinosaur I can't find in a museum!
8. Tautology, repeatition, iteration, duplication - how I fill out my blog posts. :-)
9. Oxford, English Dic and Hary - worlds hardest book to follow the plot of!

I better remember to do 10. part II of the Alien Abduction story too. :-) Only, you'll have to wait till after the first part has been published on Minishorts site. (He says linking for a third time - going for world record for most links to one site in a post!) Then again, doing part II first might just confuse everyone (and make me laugh as you try to figure it all out!) :-) Without further adeiu, here is the first one off the list: Crazy Dates I have Been on Part I: I decided to make it part one for two reasons. One, it will most likely have a sequel to it. Second, I have so much material, that I probably have a sequel to it ... um ... okay, I only really had one reason and was padding it out as I only have enough material to do one. Here we go: First crazy date: I was asked by a friend to bring a date because they were having 'after work' drinks! So I asked a girl from University to accompany along to the occassion. She got dressed. She had tight black jeans on and a nice low top. Oh yeah! Everything going pretty good! Could she look any hotter? (Yes, if she had the face of Vicki Zhao Wei or even better, if SHE WAS VICKI! WOO HOO!) Okay, so she could look hotter ... but her body was good, and she was young and let's face it, when you're twenty or so (I can't remember my age at the time ... ) and male, you're basically a walking bag of hormones hitting your sexual peak! (While that poor girl had to wait till she hits forty ... which is now! Where is she, I want to get laid!!!!) Anyway, I digress! She turns up. We meet at the train station! She looks hotter than a lump of volcanic rock melting back into the lava flow. (But not as hot as Vicki ... um, do I have a problem? nah!) We go off to the 'hotel bar' where the 'get together' is happening. We get there. It's okay. I meet up with Aaron (my friend) and his other 'work associates'. All seems fine ... we're talking and everything ... actually, I think this was one of my first dates EVER!!!! It was in the period between being chucked out of home and living in the lounge room of some friends apartment and when I was actually homeless for a while. So I was poor, and some HOT CHICK actually liked me! Woo hoo! I am like, so coool...right? (Cooler than an icicle that formed on Santa's left nostril in November!) WRONG! What could possibly go WRONG???? (Other than rampant elephants stampeding through the bar and then pooping on me. I hate it when that happens!) Okay, here is what went WRONG. The 'drinks after work' was NOT a 'drinks after work' occassion like I'd been told. It was a HERBALIFE SALES MEETING! We were all ushered off into a smallroom where they started the 'Herbalife' indoctrination, 'Hey, you can sell this much and be a millionaire, just bring your friends along' etc etc. You get the gist. Well, you can imagine my EMBARRASEMENT! What I thought would be a nice night, just a few drinks etc, and I had a HOT CHICK as MY DATE along ... OMGoodness!!!! It just all went pear shaped!!!! (More pear shaped than a pear sellers wife's pear shaped butt cheeks!) Well, after almost falling asleep and everything in the meeting, they gave us a break. I spent the break apologising to my hot date about everything that had happened. She decided (yes, 'she did', I didn't) that we should go. (Good idea) Being me (and totally insecure at this point in my life), I was afraid it might make a scene or something. I went and politely spoke to my friend Aaron, who said he understood. (Hey man! I have a HOT CHICK with me man! Like, what would you do, talk herbs with her or go somewhere to be alone?) Basically! MY FRIEND HAD CONNED ME!!!!! He'd used me to get myself and a date along to a 'meeting' designed to rope people into selling herbalife. Well, off I went with my date, and we went to a coffee shop. I was sitting there reading the menu, and my date ordered for me!!!! 'Two cappicino's and two cinnamin toasts,' she said. And off the waiter went with the order! 'Um! Why did you order for me?' I asked. 'I'm allergic to coffee.' 'Well, you looked like you weren't going to order. So I did it for you!' 'Um ... okay!' Well, it certainly was not going very well. She was VERY ANGRY. Angrier than a rhino that someone had sneaked up on and smeared 'Deep Heat' on its already chaffed balls! She was EXTREMELY angry at being dragged along to the herbalife thing. As I kept telling her, I didn't blame her! I didn't know! I'd only been told it was a 'get together after work'. She seemed very sceptical but eventually I think I convinced her that I was an innocent party to the whole thing. Like, my chance of selling anything is equivalent to brains being found in an Australian Politicians head ... NIL!!! She did seem to calm down a little as the night went on. I think I then talked her ears off. Mainly as I was really nervous now that I'd ruined the entire night and everything. Eventually, she got tired of my yabbering on and told me off for that. Things would never be the same for me. This was a girl, who'd agreed to go on a date with me. Got dressed up in her hottest outfit, had nice perfume on, nice make-up and everything else! She had gone to a reat deal to impress me. She was expecting a great night out, meet some of my friends, have a few drinks, a few laughs. Look what I delivered. Some crap friend who lied to me! A stupid SALES meeting! Some lousey coversation with a nervous dude who couldn't shut the FRIG UP! Who drank a coffee he was allergic too ... who was genuinely AFRAID OF HER! (Yes, I was!!!!) Do you think I got any that night? rofl! (About as much as a spotty low paid computer nerd in a Sports Illustrated Bikini Shoot would get!!!) We went back to the train station - me apologising all the time for such a bad night. She hopped on her train, I hopped on mine! We both went home! She was angry, I was really upset and saddened by the whole thing! That week at University wasn't the best, as she'd told some of our mutual friends about the whole experience. Yup! I was the nooooob at Uni for that week! 'How was your date with David?,' some would ask with in earshot of me! (About as good as drilling teeth with an oversized underground mining drill set with a cactus where the drillbit should be!) Eventually she forgave me, and we were friends again. Phew! But, I never asked her on a date again! Chances of that happening had probably improved, but I really didn't feel like a second chance of proving I was an idiot! I'd done such a good job the first time! :-) And you know, I never see that friend Aaron anymore either. :-) Epilogue: Years later I ran into her on a bus. We had a good chat and everything, but I was still totally embarrased by the entire 'date thing'. She's a good person, and I hope she eventually met a nice guy to marry. She's probably out there wondering why she got to date a bunch of loser noobs in her life ... and my name is probably at the top of the list! :-)

Okay, so I'm an old crow! (Old Crow .. that's a scotch! I WIN!)

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Darn Allergies!!!

Mowed the lawns today! Which of course, set all my allergies to GRASS oFF!!!!! Came in and was weezing and coughing and runny nose and sick in the stomach! Hate this sort of thing. As per previous posts, my mother can't mow the lawn - she's too old. My brother can't mow the lawn - he's asthmatic (and even though I am also asthmatic, my family really don't give two hoots that it sets my allergies and asthma off!) At least it's all been done! No need to do it for another two weeks or so. I've taken come Clarinaise and am feeling better. Still, not feeling 100% and this normally wipes me out for at least twenty four hours. Other than that, I'm getting stuck into soem stuff I have to do for my business. I received my first letter today marked "Managing Director". I ripped the envelope open, and then though, I wonder if I should keep it for prosperity or something. Not sure, it's sitting next to me now ... throw it out ... keep it ... throw it out ... keep it ... um ... not sure. I guess if it becomes meaningless (or more meaningless) later I can always burn it ... but then again, it might go well on the fire now and stop clutter. Doesn't matter. Not that important yet! Had my usual healthy salad sandwich lunch. If I eat any more healthy green things I'll turn into a lettuce. Am gettting a little bored with some of the usual blogs I read. Not that it matters that much. I've bene checkin gon e-bay for training stuff for more courses I might do later. You can save a fortune on some of the stuff being sold. So much easier to find the text book / CD /DVD course you want there. Guess, once you pass the exam, you might as wll sell the stuff to stop it cluttering up the house, plus it will be useful for someone else to use. I always get very tired after my allergies get set off. I need asleep I think. I might write some more later tonight ... then again, I might not.

Business Name - High Elves!

I forgot to post what I had originally intended. My old 'High Elf Kingdom' blog was short written (only a few posts between April and May of this year - 2005) Still not sure whether to continue it. I've had some positive feedback concerning it ... was just me writing a silly fantasy story about an Elf who naively moves into the Human Gay Capital of the world ... and makes a living as a Doctor there. Just wondering if I shoudl continue running with it ... more fantasy stories ... or continue the same story ... or change it to include other Fantasy / Sci Fi stuff. Actually, I've previously written some fantasy movies, which I've been meaning to turn into books and stuff. I might get some opportunity to do that after I complete my courses. The Cert IV in Small Business Management ends next week, so not long left to go on that. Then I have the Cert IV in Training and Workplace Assessment, plus my CCNA and CCNP exam (six of them) ... whcih will bring me to the end of my current study plans. Next study plaans will involve possibly the CCIE and an MSCE and returning to finish at least one of the six degrees that I've started over my lifetime! I do plan to eventually finish them all ... just need to get my focus back. Or more precisly, get my unpatented study techniques perfected. Business names - I've been brainstorming with my lecturer/mentor today. Seems we like differnet sorts of things. He phoned me tonight and suggested 'Spellbound' Fortunately, it is already taken. (I really didn't like it) He rejected my Egyptian God of Protection (Protector of the Innocent and Devourer of the Evil) - which I thought matched my Computer/Network Security theme - oh, three names for that Egyptian God are Maahes, Mysis and Mihos ... my mentor rejected all three, though we both thought Mysis was close to Misys ... where the sys bit could mean System! I had a cool Lion head logo designed which he liked. (Darm I'm good at art!!!) :-) Mysis was being used for fishfood! Ewww! MOST things involving words like SYS, COM, TECH, NET etc are all taken!!!! Most of the COOL sounding stuff is taken too ... difficult to find an animal that's not been used in the computer world. (Maybe I need to call myself Durian Net! lol) If you dont' see something obvious listed below, it's probably because I've already looked into it, and it's taken! (Some are even pr0n sites!!!!) :-) Some are owned, but not in use (So still can't use them! Darn!) Anyway, here are some other things I've kicked around if you'll like to vote on them. Sacred Oak (My mother doesn't like this one ... says it sounds religious ... like yeah mum! If you're a friggin' druid it does!) Yamakuma (Mountain Bear) Karasuhebi (Black Snake - If this is bad luck, then tell me! White snake is taken) Hebi Doshi (Year of the snake ... yeah, I was born then) Kumashima (Bear Island) Sentohebi (Wizard Snake - actually, have to check this is actually a word! lol) Sazanami (Ripples) Bone Oak (Yeah, Stone Oak / Dark Oak are like USED ALREADY!!!) 2BH (Too Bloody Hard!) lol Even Rambutan was taken ... though I suggest Uranga Tech ... no one like that either! Oh well ... anyone like any of those????

Depression

Imran raised some good points in his comment, and I started to write a reply, but it became a bit of an essay - so I've included it as tonights post. There is good documented records that our forefathers (and mothers) did suffer from depression. It's true that it seems to be on the increase. Part of the theory for that, is diet. We've placed a lot of preservatives and other additives in food now-a-days and it's believed that the chemical reactions they are having within the body are part of the reason for the rise. There is also things like Sleep Apnea (which I happen to suffer from as well). That is proven to cause depression, and because people are getting fatter, sleep apnea is on the rise as well. If you do get depressed about not geting your way, then you're not using it as an excuse. It's really what you are feeling. That does bring up another point that Psychiatrists also believe is a cause of depression. A lot of young people wish to be 'rock stars' and 'actors' etc and find their dreams unfulfilled. That's not chemical though, unlike the sleep apnea and diet ones. It's probably part of the human condition to experience disappointment in this way. Of course, in the olden days, there wasn't much a person could hope for outside of a nice house, nice clothes a nice spouse and good food. So, the fact that there is more to get disappointed from could indeed contribute to the growing number of depressed people. After saying that though, the 'condition' of manic depression / Bi-polar disorder is not related to that, and it is on the increase. There are other reasons for the increase as well. If two manic depressed people have babies, there is a 90% chance of having offspring who are also manic depressed people. That's 9 out of 10 babies ... and people in society often get together over similar problems, as they can relate to each other. So there is a natural occurance where two depressed people will get together. I think the chance of a depressed person and a non depressed person having a depressed off spring is in the 30% range ... (might be less) so let's do some imaginary maths: imagine - two depressed people have ten babies ... 9 are depressed like them. (Plus we'll chuck in the two non-depressed people having ten babaies also - I think the incident is 10% so that another baby) ... so it makes 10 out of 20 ... which is 50%. ( Let's do that again ... but we'll mix the marriages together (so the two depressed marry the two non depressed) and they have ten babies each - that's 6 out of 20 depressed. Now we have 30% depressed offspring. So amongst those four people, we see a twenty percent difference in the increase in depressed people in the world. (NOTE: that's NOT a 20% increase in number of depressed people in the whole population.) Many famous people suffered depression including Winston Churchill, Leonardo Da Vinci, Caravagio (painter), Julius Caesar etc etc, so it's been around since the year dot. Since the rise of psychiatry to treat these things, it's become more open and more people have admitted to it too. Unlike the old days when it all occurred behind closed doors. Understanding depression has certainly made it more acceptable to admit to having it. In the past, it was taboo, so there is less chance of people breaking out of the structure of society to admit to something that most could not understand. Hope that is helpful. [Still depressed, but not as bad as yesterday] :-)

Into the Blue? Or Into the Black?

My mental attitude (situation ... feelings ... emotions ... call it what you will) has slipped back into depressed mode! Is depression blue? Or Black? The reasons they call depression 'the blues' is because they used to beleive it was caused by blue demons attack someone. To me, it's always been like a long dark tunnel with no light at the end. Actually, I had a recurring nightmare that was like that for a long time. I'd be RUNNING! RUNNING! RUNNING! And I'd know I was in a tunnel - but I couldn't see a thing! Sometimes I could touch the side of the tunnel with my hand as I'd run and RUN and RRRRRUUUUNNNN! Sprint! RUN AS FAST AS I COULD! Because I'd know somerthing was chasing me! Hunting me down (am I sure this is a dream ... I get hunted like a wild cat all the time!) Anyway, in the dream, I'd just keep running and eventually, without warning, I'd suddenly come out the other end of the tunnel! The funny thing being, there was NEVER EVER EVER a light at the end of the tunnel! That's one of the reasons I see depression as being black ... or dark. It's always like that tunnel, with no light at the end, and no warning when you will emerge. It's like abscence of any type of light whatsoever!!!! (And I've been in photography rooms ... so I know what this sort of darkness is like!) Well, in one way it's funny I have fallen into this mood tonight. My mother was speaking to me about Bi-Polar Syndrome (aka Manic Depression). Every now and then, she brings the subject up! Two reasons - first of all, my Grandfather was a manic depressent! Second of all, my mother is always trying to get me to admit I am one. I'm not sure if she's ever read any of my poetry, but it would be a dead give away. Well, I started feeling depressed tonight, and it became a little worse, as I couldn't help but feel guilty at the same time. The guilt was because of all those people who have suffered because of the earthquake in India and Pakistan. Then I started thinking about the other people in the world who have it worse than me. I admit it, I am pretty lucky when compared to others. At the same time, there isn't much I can do about my depressions! They come on and it's all chemical and in the brain! How do you stop your brain from getting depressed? Well, my mother this morning, was also talking about a book one of the newsreaders has written with her mother. (Or it might have been yesterday ... I can't remember!) So, my mother was asking me questions all about Bi-Polar syndrome! I'm not sure if this is because my family think I know everything (or at least a little about a lot of things ... and a lot about a few things). So, we had this conversation and I explained what I knew about the subject. Tonight, I started feeling depressed, and I saw a TV show about Spike Milligan was on. So I thought, I'll watch it. It should be funny (with Spike having been a comedian and everything). It's weird! It was about him being a manic depressent!!!! Talk about a theme! Something they said about him made me feel a common bond. They said that he'd just write! He couldn't stop himself, he just had to write and write and write! I thought, 'Hmmm, sounds like someone I know!' When I fall into my depressions, there is a lot I just cannot do ... but writing is not one of them! When I am depressed, I can write and not stop! (Similar to NOW!) The only problem with the writing, is the control is limited! I can't write my business plan. I can't write computer programs (well, I haven't tried to write one I didn't need to write). If something is due for a course I am studying, or for work, then I can't seem to get my brain to focus on the job at hand! I can, however, do two other things with my writing! First, is I can write stuff like this! Talk about my experiences (either what I am feeling NOW, or other things I have experienced before!) It doesn't have to be depressed either. (I don't think I am writing this post as if I am depressed - I think if you read it, it's just the facts!) Second, I can write fiction. I mean like stories and stuff. (Which is maybe why I should try to write a computer program for fun or something! I'v enever tried in this state! It might be a mind opener if I find I can just write programs for fun). The poetry I write in this state (and it's really when I write 98% of my poetry) can either be sad, or funny or ... well come across as any mood! So I can write a happy poem while I am depressed! It's one of the strengths of my depression! Sometimes I can get low enough that I can't even write! Not much I can do about anything in that state! Anyway, I am lucky that I am in a good enough state that I am in writing mode! Only one problem ... I have to leave the fun of writing and go to bed soon. Darn! So much racing through my mind to dribble out onto the screen and everything!!!! Here is a thought I had while watching the TV show about Spike! It's a thought that often crosses my mind when I am depressed! Who would want to be with me, when I have a habit of getting depressed? I'm sure most people who don't suffer depression can't understand the problem. You need someone REALLY empathic to understand! I know a lot of people used to tell me it was all my fault, and tell me to snap out of it! Or just tell me to grow up, or tell me it's brought on by something happening! It doesn't work that way! I can be going along perfectly fine, thinking the world can't get any better, and then BANG! It's like I've turned a corner and ended up in an accident of some sort! I just feel like nothing on the planet can get any worse than how I am feeling! Then, there is the other problem. What about the peopel who DO understand? Those who go through the same thing? If two manic depressants get together, they have a 90% chance of their offspring suffering the same way! Why would we want to get together, knowing that we are most likely going to cause our own children to suffer the same fate? That's why I have that thought! 'Why would someone want to be with me?' Those who feel the same way are the worst ones to get with - and those who don't will not understand the problem on the same level! Spike'sfirst wife left him because she couldn't handle him any more! His second wife stayed around, but she died of cancer! His third wife stayed around till the end! Maybe there is hope for me (and my friends who get the same thing!) Maybe, there are people out there who will stick it out. After all, Spike had two out of three stick by him, and the first one stuck by him as long as she could handle it. All I can say, is if you do get with someone who suffers depressions, you have to be patient! You have to learn to wait for them to come out of it. And after all, they say some of the greatest minds in the world were sufferers! They've said it about Leonardo Da Vinci, they've said it about Shakespeare and they've said it about a LOT of other people too (Why did Virginia Wolfe just spring into my mind!!!?) Gees, a lot of othe writers just sprang to mind too ... too many to name! Anyway, I think I need to go get some sleep! Not because I want to stop writing (I don't! I feel I'm in the mood to write and not stop!) I need to go to bed, as I have my course tomorrow, and I need to get some sleeeeeeep!!!! Darn! Why do I need to sleep when I don't want to stop!!!!! I just hope this hasn't come across as some sort of depressed rant or 'woe is me' type thing, because it's certainly not what I am trying to convey! I'm just trying to lay it down as it is ... in an unemotional, objective fashion! Darn, my brains like running at a million kilometres an hour! It doesn't want to stop! Stupid brain!!!! STOP!!!! lol :-)

Food!

Some of us (well, ME) have been eating healthy stuff for lunch. I've been making my own subway type sub sandwiches.

INGREDIENTS:

Bread Roll Lettuce Tomato Sun Dried Tomato Capsicum Cucumber Olives Jalepeno Chilli thingamejiggies Then, there is a quite shot I did of the garden the other day while it was raining! The twilight light was just hitting everything perfectly ... only the camera flashed on the window and ruined it. Other than that, the orange from the flowers, the different greens and the white and purple daisies all looked really good in the light. Pity it didn't come out how I would have liked, and I couldn't be bothered going outside in the rain to try for a better shot.

Happy Eighth Birthday Ethan

Today was two thing - First, my nephews eighth birthday. Second Bathurst 1000 (Car Race) He had a cool time with his friends, while the grown ups watched Bathurst. Not that I cared who won the race. Actually, I was paying so little attentio to the race, I only found out who won after I watched the news. Would like to add more - but at present, doing the ever present and constantly incomplete Business Plan. :-)

Man - Woman - Husband - Wife

I was having a bit of a journey tonight. Some of you might guess, that I often visit more than the blogs listed in my side bar. It's true, that I visit the 'Blogs I visit on a regular basis' every day that I am online (which is almost everyday ... but not always everyday). I like going for visits though to lots of peoples blogs. Mainly, if someone has written an interesting comment on a blog, I'll follow the link. Other times, I just go wandering the blogsphere. Let's face it, I like to read. The only blog I can honestly say I visit on a regular basis that I haven't got listed is Toroto's. (So, maybe I need to make a button and get him listed!) Tonight I visited SPG's blog. I've visited her before, but decided to drop in again via someone elses blog. I read an interesting post by her. In the post, she mentions that there is no word for 'wife' in the Bible. Not in Hebrew, and not in Kone Greek. The reason being, that the word for 'wife' was simply 'woman' (wife) or 'your woman' (your wife) or 'my woman' (my wife) etc. I don't know my Hebrew well enough to comment on that. I do know my Kone Greek a litte though. [NOTE: Kone Greek just means Common Greek, and was the language used to write the New Testament - Kone Greek is different to Modern Greek] The word for woman and wife are the same. Gune [That's as close as I can get it in English!] It might be interesting for SPG and other's to know, that the word for Husband in Greek (at least in the New Testament Kone Greek version I have sitting on my bookshelf), is also the same word as Man. What we actually have in the culture, is people who used to put a possessive marker on somone to designate that they were in a relatinship together. Basically, they were each other's property. Husband = My Man Wife = My Woman. It's not to big a jump to make. The need for another word 'husband' or 'wife' obviously was not needed. If we were to speak about someone elses husband or wife, we'd just need to name the person as the owner of the 'man' or 'woman' in order to designate it. Jack's Woman Jill's Man SPG in her post, was talking about a sermon that had been given. The pastor has given one interpretation as to the meaning of the missing 'wife' word and SPG has given her interpretation of the missing 'wife' word. I think, looking at it in context [ie including the fact that there was not a word for 'husband' either] leaves us open for the interpretation that I have presented. The fact that there was no need for the 'husband' / 'wife' words in that society. The added possessive produced the same meaning as the English words for 'Husband' and 'Wife' Next time you open your Bible - try reading the chapter John 4. When it gets to the bit that Jesus asks the woman of Samaria to fetch her husband, and she says, 'I have no husband', read the next verse. (Jn4:18) - The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is quite true." The word used in that sentence for 'husband' and 'man' is the same word. The difference is in the possessive - 'your man' and 'man'. Would sound a little strange in English to say that sentence as: The fact is, you have had five 'your mans' and the 'man' you now have is not 'your man'. Anyway - just bringing it up as something to think about. Now, you have three differnt peoples opinions for the missing 'wife' word! :-)

David Needs ...

Here is a cool geek game to play ... stole it from Sarah's site: Go to google and type in "[your name] needs" and google will tell you what you need. (Don't forget the quotes). I typed in "David needs" and got this.

1. Why Dirty David needs a wash - or at least a dry clean Sophie Arie in Rome Wednesday July 16, 2003 The Guardian. Michelangelo's David ...
2. Re: David needs our support markb 9/28/05 (0). Re: David needs our support Pet
3. How was your career shaped by David's needs? How did you discover Special Olympics? Where has he competed? Where does he practice speed skating? How often? ...
4. Re: David needs prayers Sai Ram, brothers and sisters ! ... Re: David needs prayers Dear Sisters and Brothers in Sai, Thank you again for your prayers and ...
5. Viking Voice Exchange « David needs your help!!!!! » ... David needs your help!!!!!

Okay, the first one (Michelangelo's David needing a wash) came up as the first two. But, as part of the game, apparently I need a wash (because I'm Dirty David! Ewwww) I also need your support ... send your bra's to me ... um ... wrong sort of support. My mistake! :-) [Why am I having flashbacks of that movie 'Support your local Sherrif' ... onlt now it's 'Support your local Dabido' :-) Yes, my speed skating is coming along fine ... um .. yeah. See you at the special Olympics! :-) Yes, pray for me. That possessed can of coke I drank last week has been repeating on me! Darn evil spirits! Viking Voice Exchange ... I need to swap my voice with a viking? WOW! modern technology does wonders! :-) Ja Sigurg! We yumping yiminey need voice exchanged! Back to Greenland! ja! Aaaaaaaaahhhhh! I come from the land of the ice and snow ... sorry, Zep fans will know what I'm talking about there! :-) Now, for the Dabido trial:

1. Dabido needs to know: What's The best way to remove The hair that grows around one's anus? James replies: well The area around The anus is quite delicate so ...

Ewwww! Only one ... and it's some sicko using my NAME!!!! Hey, what is the best way to remove ... oh forget it! :-) I also did one for my real life nickname of 'Bear' and really found a awful lot of 'Bear needs help' - often referign to teddy bears ... though the first one was 'Mr Bear needs a makeover' which was about giving a real live black bear a makeover. Well, have some fun playing the game! :-)

This is a little weird

Reasons visitors hit my blog today ... was from these: Dưới đây là hình trong khung cảnh nguyên trong trang: dabido65.blogspot.com/ http://www.google.com/search?q=origin%20of%20the%20dogphin&hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1 http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?q=bleeding%20from%20the%20genitils&FORM=QBHP Fifteen unique hits today and 163 page views? So some people must have come here and actually READ a LOT of MY blog! WOW! Thanks Thanks Terima Kasih, Merci, Xie Xie, Dunkeshon, Doumo Arigato Gozaimasu, Bonza! Getting back to the reasons for the hits! First one - obviously Vietnamese! Second one - Obviously a surfer, or a biologist who crossed a dog with a dolphin! (Dogphin????) Third one - Obviously in PAIN!!!! OH MY GOOODNNNEEESSSS!!!! 15 hits and 163 page views ... who the FRIG read that? Even if it was divided up more, it's like 11 pages per person!!! Have I suddenly become popular, or was someone playing around to try to increase my hits or something? Who read all those pages? And if it was YOU ... can you explain why? Are you coming back again? (Or does my mind scare you?) :-) hee hee!

KY PIMPING DAY

Okay, today is October the 7th, and as I promised, this is KY pimping day. Now admittedly, the day is almost over, but I was rather busy - on top of that, KY said he didn't need pimping. That's probably true, after all, look at all the cute girls that he gets to pimp. Probably his cast offs! Of course, he may have a GF that I don't know about or something ... I'll pimp him anyway. Young ladies HERE is KY's SITE!!! What can I say to advertise him ... well, he seems pretty intelligent. He can make you a nice koi pond - check out his posts on building that. I suspect, any man who can build a koi pond, can probably do just about anything. He also likes to do funny drawings and stuff. So he's a funny guy. His friends seem to be extremely loyal type people, whcih says a lot about his character. If they are loyal to him, he must have substance. Now, go to his site and ask him for a date. Tell him Dabido sent you. :-) [Unless he seems upset, then tell them it was someone else sent you!] :-) Now, KY might kill me if he finds out I pimped him anyway ... if you are nice cute girl go to his site. Pick him up! YOU CAN DO IT!!! :-)

-----

Today was pretty boring. After last nights loss of my business plan, which has only taken TWO FRIGGIN' WEEKS to write, I was pretty shaken! I ended up going to bed at about midnight (which isn't unusal), but was extremely depressed. This morning I wasn't sure if I should cry, laugh or kick the FRIG out of everything on the planet!!! I set the alarm for 6:30 AM and spent a few hours this morning writing as much as I could! Hardly made a dent in it. (After all, I've been writing it during the course ... at night ... on the weekend. Was a lot to rewrite!) I turned up at the course and had to explain to the lecturer what happened! OUCH! He was pretty cool about it though and organised a thumb drive for me to use. I spent the entire day writing it all out again! And re-writing bits ... and still can't think of a name for the business!!! Arrrgh! Anyway, that makes for a pretty boring day - sitting in front of a computer typing! To make it even more borign I'll go into more minute detail about the typing - first, i started off touch typing - and was surprised to find I could still do it! Then, as I concentrated more on getting it right, I became worse and worse ... whcih made me self conscious about it and I noticed what I was doing more, which made me type even worse! So I gave up on the touch typing! Next time I won't think so much! Ggggrrrr! I went back to my 'almost touch typing' technique which I normally employ at the best of times! The funny thing being, I often don't look at what I am typing when I use this method, but it's all wrong, as my fingers are never kept in the correct positions and I used them more loose than they should and seldom use the little fingers ... just the other three on each hand (and the right thumb for the space bar). Maybe it's the drunk monkey technique of typing! Well, I had a good chat with Seanpol (who is the narcaleptic guy who'd doing web design). Being the two techies in the group, I guess we have a lot in common. We also realise we could indirectly compete against each other (with him able to do the network side of Server support and me being able to do the server support side of networking). During lunch I ran into Chas from the PCYC who will be employing me and my business in a few weeks to set up and install their training network! Good to see him ... oh that reminds me, as I was driving out the driveway this morning, I received a phone call. As I was driving, I couldn't anser my mobile. So when I got to my course, I phoned them back. It was Kylie from the PCYC. Apparently there had been a glich with the computers. When I ran into Chas I mentioned this. He then pointed out that he was on holiday, so hadn't known about the computer problem! OUCH! Hope I didn't get Kylie into trouble! Eeeeeh! That's about all my day has been. Rewriting business plans ... and now this. (And I'll head over to the usual blogs to see what's happening). :-)

One of those FRIGGIN' Nights

It's one of those friggin' nights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I went to print out my business plan (as it's required first thing in the morning), and it had somehow reverted to the TEMPLATE!!!! Now how the frig that happened, I'll never know! FRIGGIN' WINDOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd sent hours FRIGGIN' typing it out and everything - day after FRIGGIN' day - and NOW IT'S LIKE I NEVER DID A SECOND OF FRIGGIN' WORK ON IT!!!! ... Do I sound a little P***ED OFF???????????? Well I friggin' am ... and rightly so! I'm sort of lucky. I do have most of it in printed form already - and the rest I have as hand written notes. THAT'S NOT THE POINT THOUGH! How the frig does a business plan suddenly revert to the original template? Looks like another all nighter for me! Why do I feel like I am back at University?!!!!

ADVERTISEMENT FOR PIMP KY DAY

OCTOBER the 7TH is PIMP KY DAY! DON'T FORGET! LET'S ALL GET HIM MARRIED OFF ... OR SOMETHING! :-)

Another Eventful Day in Bakaland!

Today, was a 'Business marketing Day'. Which means I was supposed to take the day off the course in order to run around chasing companies to use my company and other things. Didn't happen. My mother needed to be driven to one of the local shopping centres. She said she'd be one or two hours ... um ... yeah! Seemed Okay - take her there, be home before Eleven. NOPE! Not on my mother's watch it ain't gonna happen! Took her to the shopping mall. We went looking for a present for my nephew. Bought him some computer games - an Aussie racing car one (with Bathurst and other aussie circuits), as well as a double Buzz Lightyear/Toy Storygame. My mother bought him a DVD of 'Tarzan and Jane' Disney cartoon (follow up to 'Tarzan' which he owns). I also bought 'Red Dwarf III' ... and had a look at clothes (I haven't bought any new clothes for about three years! That's right, I dress as though no body owns me ... because ... well, nobody owns me!) Today, I bought a cheap pair of sneakers! AUD$25. I had a good look around the clothing range as wel.l My mother was looking through the womens section. At first I was standing there, reminiscent of my days being married. Waiting ... waiting ... then I told my mother I'd be in the mens wear section and ran off. Most guys can probably tell stories of their wives / GF / significant other, dragging them into bra shops or whatever. Many a tiem I used to find myself standing there with a handbag in my hand ... waiting .. .waiting ... and some other guy standing there next to me with his handbag. 'Nice handbag,' the joker next to me would say. 'Thanks, I think it matches my shoes,' I'd reply. (And you know what ... it did! mainly as my wife would make sure I was co-ordinated!) :-) Worse, is when the wife has decided on a pair of underpants, or a bra or something, and she hands tme to you while she tries on some other bra. 'Nice bra mate,' they'd say. 'That's nothing, you should see me in my bikini,' I'd reply. Maybe it's Aussie humour. Conversations would always happen like that, or at least similar ones. Well, today, as my mother was ruffling through the ladies wear, I decided, 'This is too much!' I could handle it when I was married. My wife's underwear at least didn't fit a family of four and a three ring circus in it. My mother's stuff was too big. (Actually, my ex-wives stuff might now fit those things. I haven't seen her in seven or more years!) So, I raced off and left my mother to do her rumaging. While looking throuh the mens wear, I thought, when I get my AUD$30,000 in a few weeks (sold my managed funds off), I'm going ot go beserk and BUY BUY BUY ... more underwear, more shirts, some trousers, some jeans, some shorts for the summer, some sandles for the beach ... everything and anything. Up until now, I was just considering a 'Hugo Boss' or 'Armani' suit, along with some nice cologne (maybe Armani - we'll see. Any suggestions?) Well, I want something which smells REALLY nice! Which is why I'm thinking Armani, or one of the expensive colognes. That should be question of the day - girls, cologne wise, what do you LOVE the smell of???? Which suit is better, Armani, or Hugo Boss? I also bought a Terry Pratchet book for myself, 'Going Postal'. I still can't find 'Monsterous Regiment' anywhere, whcih is the book before 'Going Postal'. So I imagine I am going to have to wait a while before reading 'Going Postal'. One of the first things I am going to buy (when I get my AUD$30,000), is a nice little mini-computer to use as a server. I'll host my blog there as well as start sticking some music and stuff on it (for you to download ... don't worry, it'll be my own original songs, so all will be legal). I'll probably stick everything on in Word Press for the blog - and the music and stuff will probably be on a static website, along with some of my other writings and some of my art. I've been meaning to get back into my art. There were some nice big canvases on sale today. I didn't buy any, as I still have some blank canvases sitting around! Actually, where I went today was a very nice shopping centre, and I know there is a lot of nice middle class people in the area - plus some very nice ASIAN GIRLS! (Because I was looking today!) WOO HOO! Mainly Chinese. If my mother wasn't with me today ... I probably would have at least pretended I might have hit on some of them (because, anyone who knows me, knows I don't actualyl hit on girls that often. My technique is 'Run away and hope they chase'. Means I seldom get a GF, but when I do, I at least know they liked me at same time as i liked them!) ;-) On the way home, a car pulled out and almost HIT my car! DARN IT! When I say 'CAR' it was one of those BIG fourwheel drive things, and it had a big trailer on it! It came out across the road, and if I hadn't of swerved to avoid it, I would have been decapitated! My mother was pretty shocked at the @!*#^(@(!!!! driver of the fourwheel drive. A few metres down the road, and a truck did sort of the same thing, but was miles off hitting us. My mother insisted it was almost the same. No where near it! So near miss of the @*&(*@!! four wheel drive - they say luck comes in three - bad luck and good luck! That was NEAR MISS ONE! My mother counted the truck as near miss two .. but it wasn't near at all. Later, I had to drive my mother to my sisters to look after her kids for two hours. It was suddenly POURING RAIN! (Which is funny - same day forecast was 'clearing and becoming fine') The streets filled with water, and I wa a bit disappointed when I wasn't able to splash some guy walking along in the rain ... okay, I could have splashed him, but I was too kind. I just made a joke about doing it to my mother. We were approaching my sisters place and drove past a lake near her home. My mother was saying how nice the lake was, when SUDDENY a DUCK flew out in front of us, just missing the windscreen. (Wish I had a camera mounted on the front of my car!) Well, you know, was raining so hard, they say it is NICE WEATHER FOR DUCKS! WELL IT IS!!!! NEAR MISS TWO - F***IN DUCK!!!! (Yes, is does rhyme!) :-) You can imagine the jokes I todl to my mother - about ducking to avoid a duck! 'Look DUCK!' - 'I AM DUCKING' - 'NO DUCK!' - 'WHY? OW, I JUST GOT HIT BY A DUCK' .... um, okay, maybe you needed to be there to hear my silly voices as I told it! :-) Dropped my mother off - went home. Two hours later had to pick her up again ... out in the wild wooly weather, over to my sisters! On the way home, my mother decided she wanted chips for dinner. So we went and got some chips. I was sitting there with my foot outside the door of my car - door open, when a women decided, that out of all the empty car spaces (and there were plenty), she had to park in the one next to mine. So she pulled in ... and I was ony just able to shut the door in time ... but as my leg was outside the car (I didn't have time to pull it in), the door wouldn't shut ... the stupid f***in woman driver missed my door by millimetres! YES! NOT INCHES! NOT CENTIMETRES! - IT WAS MILLIMETRES! In fact, I was sure her car was going to hit my door, and I was in no position to stop it, as I had already placed the door hard up against my leg and couldn't pull my leg in any further. NEAR MISS NUMBER THREE - STUPID IMPATIENT WOMAN DRIVER WHO COULDN'T WAIT FOR ME TO GET MY LEG INSIDE THE CAR IN ORDER TO SHUT MY DOOR!!!! I was pretty p***ed off at her. Hope that was my near misses gotten rid of for now! Oh ... I also have done a price comparison for all the Subway - Vegie delite eaters out there. Today I bought the ingredients for six foot long vegie delights. (Okay, I ate two footlongs for lunch - my hunger continues and my waistline is expanding MORE!) Cost was AUD$21.13 today - admitedly, most of these ingredients will go off. Price of same from subway - AUD$34.50. Saving of AUD$13.37. Of course, the ingredients won't be as fresh after a few days. BUT, if you are having a small group of you go to subway, or make stuff at home, will be worth while just getting the stuff from the local supermarket and having a picnic. (If the last few 'subs' go off in the next few days - then we might have to reduce the comparison to six lots of ingredients versus cost of four foot longs or something!) Anyway, was yummy and I had my jalapeno's on it - which I like burning the living daylights out of my mouth with! lol

How much did I eat today?

I've been extremely hungry today. I figured it was because this morning I didn't take the apetite suppressants I've been taking. Main reason for not taking it, is I was still eating the same amount as I normally do. Bad mistake. Breakfast - ate my usual large bowl of rice bubbles with soy milk. Drank a litre of water before lunch. Lunch - Large plate of Zuchini Slice with garden salad! Was still very hungry. Also drank 600ml of Coca-cola. Drank another litre of water. Dinner - Large bowl of rice. 2nd Dinner - 800ml Can of fruit salad. 3rd Dinner - sliced 3 large potatoes into chips and fried them. 4th Dinner - fried two eggs. 5th Dinenr - ate a large bowl of rice bubbles with coya milk. Presently drinking another litre of water! Still friggin' hungry!!!!!! So HUNGRY! HUNGRY HUNGRY! (Will turn into a hungry hippo if I am not too careful!) FEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!! My mother said I was being obese! I told her NO, being obese is being FAT, I was being glutinous! (I must have contracted Suanie's 'Glutony Sin' - see her button on her blog! My Sin is supposed to be lust! Arrrgh! I'll be a fat lustful old man if I keep eating!!!!) I'm SOoooo Hungrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Business Plan. Oh, Business Plan!

Another day at my Business Course. Yes, soon I'll have my own show called 'The Apprentice Dabido', where interns at my business compete for a position I can't afford to give them, as their Kookie ideas send my business broke! Hmmm, I'll sell that show to Donald Trump instead I think! Today was Katrina's last day. I am sad for two reasons! First, she is a realllllyyyy cute girl. Second of all, she is off to my beloved Sydney! Waaaah! Katrina is starting a business which looks for properties for people (as opposed to the people trudging around looking at all the properties that Real Estate Agents try to flog them) and matches properties to people. When I am a lot richer, I can see myself using her service. Luckily, she gave me a business card. (Lucky for two reasons - one, I can use her service when I want a place of my own, and second, she mentined she had soem friends who want their office Networked in the near future!) I was very flat today. Yesterday, it was because I was sick. Last night, I used one of my infamous mouth splints - and when I awoke this morning, my sore throat was almost gone! Yep, I believe the throat problem was being caused by my sleep apnea! Good thing I used the splint. Was sad today for another reason! I weighted myself! I've gained THREE Kilograms in the last week! FAT MAN!!! Admittedly, I haven't been doing my hour walk for a while and I've also had some food binges! How embarrassing! (But how yummy! hee hee!) Minishorts has accepted me as a 'guest writer' on her blog. I hope she won't regret it. Actually, I'm not 100% sure which style she wants me to write in. My serious 'You can do anything you set your mind to' - 'Hope this helps', armchair psychiatrist, big brother, aunty Dabido sort of style. (Which I often use for serious comments etc). Or my 'which drugs are you on' - 'Monty Python is too my real dad' - 'On my planet we do things this way' - 'I think I am funny' sort of humourous style. Or maybe something in between. (Actually, I've never really analysed my styles - I think there are two main ones - serious and silly! Well, there is also professional and a few others - but you don't see those ones on the blog much ... oh, 'depressedtothepointofleapingoffatallbuilding' style sometimes shows up, but normally in poetry! 'Oh tall building, how I leap off thee!' Um ... yeah sure!) :-) I sent her a list of things I might blog on ... I'll see which crazy title she'll chose. Really, I just submitted titles I hadn't actually thought through the content of. Fortunately, I am very confidant I can put some substance to those crazy titles. Any she rejects, I might use here on my own blog. Actually, at last count I had seven blogs I think - this is the main one (yeah, I do say that on all of them! They're all the main one!) :-) After saying all that, Minishorts has actually asked many people to be guest bloggers - so it's not like I am special. I've been sooo hungry today! I tried a Zuchini Bake thing from the local 'healthy food' place at Maddington! Actually, it was Katrina's suggestion (and her being a vegetarian too, I trust her). I just had a thought - I wondering if Minshorts is trying to test a 'Blogging Franchise' idea! Everyone buys a 'Minishorts' blog, similar to a MacDonalds or Subway Restaurant - you get the blog, the look and feel of her site, the pictures (Ronald McMinishorts - appears at all blog parties held in any franchised blog), a method of training (do you want fries with that post?) ... then she rakes in the money, and you get the hits you need. People just cuising around the blog sphere looking for a blog will come past and go. 'Oh man! I am like, so craving a McMinishorts Burger post right now! Let's pull into that one!' The audience will know what they're getting, as a resonable price, and the mass marketing means there is always the name recognition! Man, I could so go a McMini right now! Hmmmmm Double Cheeseblogger with the works! YUM!

BAKA!!!

I forgot two things in that last post: 1. Link to Graham Chapmans Book on Amazon. So now you know who I am talking about. 2. Also, my lecturer told me to change the name of my business! Up until now, I was going to call it D'Elven MacKnell. I'd designed the logos (as seen below) and everything. The lecturer decided that the name wasn't easy to rememebr or pronounce (well, would cause confusion for people trying to pronounce it). I spent the last half of the day trying to figure out a new name for my business. Geees!!! Anyone got any good ideas for a Computer Networking/Security/Training company???? I kicked a few silly ideas around ... Bakamoto was one that Marcus liked - but as I pointed out to him, it's Japanese for 'origin of the idiots' - now that would go down well. :-) Kumatech - Kumamoto - Odyssey - Novatech - Kumanet - Mnemenet - Musenet - Toranet - Eutech - Eucom - Vapournet (lol That's an old joke of mine - when you wonder where your stuff is that should ahve gone across the net!) - Scarabnet - Sandlewood Networks - Uranghutan networks - Net Express (has Futurama sound) :-) - Sabretooth ... I just kicked these and other ideas around. Not happy with any of them. When I play Capitalism II, I usually call my company Devil Doll - don't think it would be appropriate outside the game though. Dabnet? Dabidonet? Geees, it's really thrown me off a little! I ahve to find a bloody new name! Design a new logo - register them, Trade Mark the Logo - so much that I'd thougt I'd already completed now has to be done again! Of course, the other option is to use the D'Elven MacKnell stuff and go against the wishes of my Mentor. Anyone out there like any of those names I just threw into the vapournet? If so, Why? I'm trying to be highclass - computer Tech - Security - ISO9000 compliant and just all around CLASSY business! Gees, I better start thinking. Maybe a good nights sleep will help!

Dabido's Day

Well, today, like many other days ... was a day when the sun came up, and the sun went down ... and inbetween I did stuff. Started the day getting out of bed. Actually, that's not true. I started the day waking up. The getting out of bed came a little later. Actually, I was having a lot of trouble sleeping last night, and got up a few times to relieve myself. Was still awake at one thirty AM. Luckily, I think that was the last time I was awake before about four or five AM. I'm not known for my good sleeping habits and it is probably partly due and partly the cause of my stomach problems. Anyway, I kept waking up from about 5 AM onwards. At one time I heard my brother and mother talking loudly. It was my brother espousing his unthought through opinions of the world, and my mother telling him off and telling him to shut up. I fell back to sleep. I then work up a few times till my alarm went off at 7:20 AM. I got out of bed. Turned the alarm off (which is actually my mobile phone) and decided maybe I should have set it for later that day. Then, decided, that as I was up, I might as well go for a walk. Then decided I was too lazy too and had a shower instead. I have no idea how I fill up my time in a shower. I know I do a lot of thinking in the shower, and a lot of thinking once I get out of the shower. This habit used to infuriate my ex-wife no end, as I'd sit on the edge of the bath for ages in a towel or two, pondering the problems of my life and the world. In fact, I've been known to sit thinking for so long, that there is no need to dry myself, even on cold wet days when drying takes time. I just sit and think, and think and think ... and I suddenly realise the day is disappearing and I am completely dry and can stick my clothes on. Today was one of those days. I eventually got to my bed roomand realised it was ten past eight. Great, I'd spent fifty minutes somehow. Some of it was obviously showering! I have no idea how long that was, but it certainly wasn't fifty minutes worth. Next, I headed off to my computer, as I suddenly rememebred I hadn't finished all my homework. Which in a way was funny, as there was even more that I'd forgotten to do, but didn't realise it till I got to my business course! Bodoh Dabido! My mtoher had gone back to bed sometime between arguing with my brother and me getting up. Actually, I forgot a bit of the story. Last night I was sick as a dog! The entire right side of my body was in pain for some reason. Part of it was my old football injury, where my knee had decided to stop being a knee and start being a crunchie painful thing between two leg bones. My ankle and shin was also aching. My shin had a problem from once having all the skin removed from the front of it. This occurred when I was acting once. I had to run from one side of the stage, all the way around to the other side of the stage. When I got to the other side, I was running up the steps to where I had to enter the stage again ... and BANG! Shin first into a wooden step whcih removed a LOT of my shin! It was darn painful, and I had to walk out on stage with blood and skin hanging off my leg. (I think I might have related this once before). Anyway, my arm was also playing up! And my shoulder! I've previously torn all the ligaments in my shoulder before. My arm has also on more than one occassion lost all feeling. This wasn't one of those times! This was a time when it was in some weird sort of throbbing pain! Actually, the right arm has had stitches, been burnt, and has some scarring on it. It's been threw a lot! For some reason, the whole right side was in pain last night. It seemed to also get into my stomach and I was feeling very nausious. (No sympathy ... just feel my pain with me, Okay?) ;-) So, this morning, when I awoke, I was feeling a lot better, but still have that left over sore throat that's been bugging me for ages! Got to the Business Course. Actually, I dropped off on the way and grabbed some buns from a local bakers! I spent the day eating the six buns I bought. The lecturer claims he's never seen anyone eat as much. I found that funny for two reasons - the other day he'd said it about Marcus, and the day before that about John - two of the other guys on my course! Maybe he just forgot who he keeps seeing eat! :-) The sickness and the lack of sleep caught up with me. Part the way through the day, I started getting really, really nausious! I did some yoga breathing exercises in order to try to stop it from overwhelming me. I also realised, I hadn't taken my stomach medication this morning! Bodoh Dabido!!!!! Katrina, one of the girls on the course, told me today she was a vegetarian too! WOW! Two of us on the same course. Kewl! I don't think I seemed to impressed ... wel, I was feeling sick! Some of the other guys started teasing me, as they thought I'd fallen asleep. I told them, 'Nah, just doing yoga breathing exercises!' This launched into another discussion on stuff. They probably all think I am a health nut or something. Anyway, I wasn't feeling well. Towards the end of the day, rather than working on stuff, I went outside with the smokers. I had a big talk to John, who's staring a jewelry store. He showed me some of his work. I was impressed. Very nice stuff. He also said he might leave the course. It's because he has some work lined up. He could stay on the course for the next two and a half weeks and get zip money, or he could take the work offer and get his business up and running, without the help of the course or the mentor. It will be interesting to see which he does. I read through the usual blogs and read some of 'Graham Chapman's - A liar's Autobiography Volume IV' (Which is Volume VII on the inside cover!) It's basically his Autobiography told in normal Monty Python style. I wonder if people at the library think I am gay? I ask this question as I recently read Stephen Fry's (from BlackAdder) Autobiography - and he's gay, and now reading Graham Chapman's and he was gay too! They can excuse me for Stephen's, as I didn't know he was gay till he mentioned it in his book. Not that I think it is a problem. Just, I seem to be reading a lot of biographies by gay comedians this past few weeks! Anyway, I also spent the night reading, writing and then watching a show about Ron Wood fromthe Rolling Stones. That guy is an excellent artist (painting etc) as well as a great musician! I think, if he wasn't a famous for being a Rolling Stone, he'd have been extremely famous for being an Artist! Now, it's about time for me to go to bed. I'm still rather nausious, even though I took my stomach medication as soon as I got home. I think I need the sleep so I perform better in class tomorrow. No getting mistaken for falling asleep again! :-)

I should read more of my E-mails ... possibly!

I took a quick screen shot of my Outlook express Folders Side Bar. I was a bit amused today to realise how many e-mails I just couldn't be bothered reading! Rather astounding! I jsut got the ol' trusty calculator out and it's 1592 e-mails I just ignored ... actually, to make matters worse, it's well over double that ... easily well over triple. You see, the 'Jobs' folder is job offers and job site e-mails (Like www.seek.com sending me Network Engineering jobs everyday). I normally wait till it hits ... like 500 or so, and then I just mark a lot of them as read, or just delete the lot. I probably should just go to the sites and get them to stop sending the e-mails. I'll stick that in my list of things to do. The Music one has to do with job offers of a musical nature and also music industry notices I get - the writers folder is writing industry e-mails I get (still receiving them from the Aussie Writers Guild though I've let my membership lapse). Film ... that's film industry e-mails. Japan - that's stuff relating to Japan. I get stuff everyday, and beleive it or not, I read most of it when it arrives. Goodness knows how many READ e-mails are still in that folder. 337 unread - goodness me! Romance, beleive it or not, has little to do with Romance - it probably should be called 'Friendship' as it's more the e-mails I get from MySpace and Friendster and JapanFriend Site etc. UNE is my University studies. Other is just about anything not included in another folder. Finance - is stockmarket stuff - a lot I don't need anymore - have to go to those sites and ask them to stop sending too ... Computer - wow! That's like Slashdot and other places I frequent! I think most of these things will get a good deleting on the weekend! It's better than archiving them. I can't read anything that has been archived! Stupid bloody Microsoft! I'd be running Linux if my ISP would let me!

Gorillas, and Evolution still Jung at Heart!

One of the most misleading titles ever! I'll get to the Gorillas, Evolution and Heart (Leonardo Da Vinci's drawings) later. I've been meaning to write a quick guide on Jungian Personality Types for quite a long time. Mainly as I get sick of the amount of people who assume all bloggers are just a bunch of attention seeking narcisists who can't get enough attention in real life. It assumes that all bloggers fit into the one personality type of the True Sanguine. So totally absorb with themselves, that they can't see anything else. Well, I started writing it today, and then deleted it all. It went on too long. So much for being a quick guide! I'll give it some more thought. Anyway, hopefully when I do get around to writing it, it will be shorter. The main aim of it, is so that the idiots who assume that everyone has the same motive will be able to see that humans are more complex and many rational motives occur within the blog sphere for why people blog. One of my old personality tests probably sums up my reasons for blogging quite adequately. I have a need for self expression. I consider my ideas are more important than me.

------

Another bomb was set off in Indonesia. Some are saying it is aimed at Australian's again (like the first Bali bombing and the Australian Embassy attack). I started writing a brief arguement as to why terrorism is stupid, but deleted that as well. I have a feeling that no terrorists would read what I wrote anyway. The summary is basically that terrorism is counter productive. You blow people up - and then expect people to support you! Sorry. Murdering innocent people doesn't endear you to the general population.

-----

Some interesting links for you to think about: The Evolution and Intelligent Design Debate - still going on! When we people learn to teach Religion in Religious class, Philosophy in Philosophy class, and Science in Science Class. All three can exist along side each other. I think a lot of this will go away when two things happen - one the antagonistic religious zealots stop trying to push religion into science and two, when the antagonistic scientific athiest stops trying to push their science into non-science subjects. [I've been attacked by both ... no loss of friendship there!] :-) Good news for those in the medical fraternity, Leonardo Da Vinci has saved the day again! I'd love for something I did to give new insights five hundred years after I'm dead! I've always been a great fan of Leonardo, who is without doubt the archtypical renaissance man! I've been called this as well, with my curiosity for everything and attempting to do everything I can whenever I can. In this case, an Heart Surgeon in the UK used Leonardo's drawings to devise a way to fix damaged mitral value in the heart. Finally, Gorillas. The last Great Ape not to use tools, have finally had their 2001: A Space Odyssey moment and grasp the usefulness of using them. Actually, when I first saw the link 'Gorillas seen with impressive tools' I thought it was a link to a pr0n site. Luckily, it wasn't! Of course, reading the title, 'Wild Gorillas seen to use tools', I thought maybe the tools were some local politicians! I thought maybe the gorillas had figured out a use for politicians after all. Oh, well! I notice it seems to be the females using the tools too. Maybe it's true that a female homo sapien invented the wheel! :-) Or maybe females are just too lazy to use their hands, (while the male is so lazy it hasn't even got off the couch to do it!) Yes, enough ammunitiion in that last sentence to get both sides of the 'battle of the sexes' mad at me! hee hee! Oh, I am so naughty! :-) Behave Dabido! Behave!!!!

Kookaburras (aka The Laughing Jackass)

This is a picture I took the other day of my and my guitar ... accustic steel string! (Yes, the fatboy can play!) Not really much else I can say - just a simple guitar, with the usual ol'; guitarist etc etc Not the best photograph of a blue kingfisher - my brother took this photo this morning. I heard him and my mther virtually screaming 'Oh, isn't it beautiful! ' and other stuff - deliberately to get me out of bed. So, I got out of bed to see what it was. Pitty my brother didn't get a better angle, as it was VERY blue, but he caught it head on, and you really only see the white of his front and stuff. The Blue Kingfisher was scared off by two kookaburras who flew into the garden. I raced off to get my camera to take a picture of the kingfisher and when I came back, this was what I saw. So I took a photo of these laughing jackass's instead. :-) This one was sitting on my brother's car - the other one was on the roof of the house. I tried to sneak up on them to get some better shots, but they flew off into a nearby tree. I then got as close as I could to the tree and took my next shots of them. Which shows how overcast the day was. It was also drizzling slightly.

Why Cheat?

I'm a little confused by some people. Okay, admittedly I probably am a little more ethical than some people. Like, I've never seen the point in 'Cheating' in life. I don't cheat on people, I won't cheat with people, and I certainly can't see the point in cheating in tests and businesses etc. Today, someone tried to get me onside with something - in our business course, we were given some Business Plans to look at yesterday (seems as we are making ones of our own) and two of the ppl took them home, as they didn't realise you were not supposed to. An honest mistake. Anyway, upon hearing about this, one of the other students DEMANDED that they be allowed to take one home. It was pointed out to her, that it was against the rules. We were only given the plans to look at briefly, NOT to take home. To me, it seemed obvious that the lecturer wouldn't allow it. Two wrongs don't make a right. Yes, those other two students did something wrong - but there are thirteen of us in the class. The other student kept insisting that SHE be allowed to take one home, as she claimed the other two students had been given an unfair advantage, that SHE should be allowed to have as well. After the lecturer had turned her down (and rightly I beleive), she came up to me, and asked that I get one and give it to her! HUH? Why? I don't have one, I don't want to cheat and I couldn't understand why she needed this other persons business plan. After all, two out of thirteen made an honest mistake. They hadn't tried to get an unfair advantage (and even if they had done it deliberately, it doesn't make it right for anyone else to cheat). Why couldn't she just let it rest!? It's against the rules to have them, and against the rules to take them home! We were just shown them as examples, in order to help us get a grasp of what is involved. It was just for us to browse, NOT for us to study. We already have a blueprint with what to do for our business plans. We alreayd have a manual on how to put it together. We don't actually NEED these things anyway. Upon not getting any satisfaction with me refusing to help her cheat, she then went and started on one of the other students. The funny thing is, at no time did I ever hear her say that the REST of us students should have them. It was always SHE should have one! SHE should be compensated for the other students getting an unfair advantage! We aren't even COMPETING against the other students! It's not like they squeeze us all under a bell curve and mark us from one to thirteen. We either pass the course or we don't! It's not hard! It reminds me of when I used to work as a nightfiller in a supermarket. One guy was notorious at not working. He'd dilly dally and was really slow. At the end of the night, we'd have to go and help him finish stocking his aisle. The other night fillers started to complain. They felt they should get compensated for this guys poor performance. They came to me to try to get me onside. As I said to them, 'I get paid the same regardless of what he does.' Regardless of how good or bad the other workers are. It's a management problem. If he isn't working, then he is costing the company money. Management have to make the decission. It isn't a good enough excuse for them to gang up on this guy, as their work load wasn't going to change. They weren't going to be paid more. It's the same for the lady on my course. The lecturer isn't going to allow her to cheat just because some of the other students did. The rest of the students aren't going to help her. Why should they? Why can't she play by the rules and just do the course the right way? In the end, if she does cheat, and lifts a lot of information from someone elses business plan, it won't help her, as her own business will suffer, as she won't have understood her own business. In life, it is better to do the work. Earn what you will have. Study to understand, not to get good marks. If you understand, then the good marks should follow. If you take shortcuts just to get good marks, in the end, your lack of understanding will hinder you in your endeavours. You have to accept your own limitations! Yes, it might be harder for you to do something than what it is for other people to do it. Isn't that what makes a victory all the more sweeter! If someone has natural ability and you have none, and you train harder and longer and beat them, have you not earned more? Why cheat? The rewards are short lived and just make sit harder and harder as life goes on.

How have we changed? MEME

Okay, as the person who has the blog where meme's come to die, and ones I start just remain and die here ... here is another soon to be dead MEME! How have we changed? I got this idea when reading a girls blog (can't remember her name, as it wasn't one of my normal blogs I read - I have a habit of going for wanders around blogdom some days reading twenty or thirty new blogs). Anywat! (That's my new word - Anywat!) ... Well, Anywat, I was reading this girls profile (because I am eternally curious about the people whose blogs I visit ... so any info in the profile is a kewl thing to read), and I noticed her favourite colour was purple. (Think it was Jessy's blog now that I think about it!) Which reminded me, back when I was a youngster in the early 70's, and Hippy Flowerpower was still a hot thing, I remembered all those PINK, PURPLE, and other bright coloured things with ugly clashing colours like everyone was drugged up beyond belief all the time! Like, we had pasley blue shirts with pink, purple and other colours on it. BRIGHT, EXTROVERTED, I AM HERE, TYPE CLOTHING!!! I hated it! (Being an introvert, you can understand that) Anyway, because of all that stuff, I really started to hate the pink and purple colours which always seemed to be used to clash with the other colours and stuff. It really was an ugly over colourised time to live in. Now a days, I dont' mind pink or purple. I've used some nice purple colours in someof my paintings. Some purples are really nice ... but back then I HATED IT! BLEH! I think I was too young to realise it was the colour combinations, and not the colours themselves that really didn't work. So, I thought about it ... and thought, what other things and tastes in my life have changed? Which leads me into the MEME: How have we changed? Favourite = Favourite or most liked (or least disliked) Hated = Hated or disliked (or least liked)

	FAVOURITE		HATED
SUBJECT	CHILD	ADULT	CHILD	ADULT
Colour	Red	Blue (or red or white or black)	Purple or Pink	Brown (Esp. Poo brown)
Food	Roast Potatoes	Pizza	Brussle Sprouts	Brussle Srouts
Fruit	Rambutans	Bananas	Lemon	Orange
Ice Cream	Chocolate	Mint Choc Chip	Strawberry	Caramel
Male Movie Star	John Wayne	Johnny Depp	Dr Smith from Lost in Space	Anyone who can't act
Female Movie Star	Katherine Hepburn	Audrey Hepburn	Joan Crawford	Anyone who can't act
School Subject	Art	Art	Phys Ed	Phys Ed
Band	Beatles	Pink Floyd	Black Lace	Black lace
Movie	Jaws (Maybe)	Seven Samurai	Wizard of Oz	Any Hollywood crap
Song	Maximillian Mouse	Careful with that Axe Eugene	Agadoo	Agadoo

RULES of the MEME: 1. Steal it and do it. 2. When you steal it, add another subject to the meme which the original owner must add to the meme, and you must also do. (Leave it in comments section). 3.You are not required to do subjects added to the meme after you have stolen it (other than the one you add), but you are required to do the ones added before you steal it. 4. When other's take the meme from you, they can add subjects (see rule 2) which you must add to yours. 5. Have fun. 6. No explainations are required as to why you love or hate something.

Yeah, I do write too much!

Well, I've already posted today, as well as reading and commenting on twenty odd blogs - but, I can't help myself. Mainly as I didn't blog on what I wanted to write about! hee hee Baka Dabido! Well, my fifteen to thirty readers (as I don't know exactly how many you are - maybe there are more who only visit once every week - I don't know!), here is what I was planning on posting on: Yesterday, I did my washing, and then stuck it in the dryer. I took everything from the dryer and stuck it in my washing basket. Eventually, after all the washing and drying was done (three loads) I stuck it on my bed. Then, I promptly left it there, like I do! :-) I then went back to doing everything else I do during a day. Was some good Japanese Anime on TV last night. Porco Rosso and a doco about Ghibli Studios! Anyway, I had a lot to do, so I taped them. Hope to see them later this week. (Or next week, or the week after ... or something!) :-) Decided to go to bed last night at about midnight. Got to the bedroom, and all my washing was sitting on my bed ... which included my bedsheets! No problem, that's normal operating procedure for me! Folded my washing and put it away. Was half way through it all, and noticed a WHOLE STACK WAS STILL WET!@!!!!! @#*^@*(#^@!!!! Baka Dabido! Didn't check it after getting it from the dryer! Actually, the wet stuff and got tangled in the fitted sheet and formed a big ball of wetness in the middle. Well, the wet stuff included MY BED SHEETS! @*#*^#@&*!!!!! Okay, no problem, I have plenty of bed sheets - I decided to use my favourite ones! BLACK bed sheets! (Have no idea what that means from a psychological stand point!) Anyway, I'd bought them back when one of my flatmates was trying to convince everyone I was this suicidal freak! I think she was doing that because SHE was a suicidal freak! Her and my other flatmate kept telling me I would suicide one day because, 'You listened to GRUNGE!!!! And Everyone knows that Kurt Cobain suicided, so anyone who listens to his music will do the same thing!' I always thought they just had something against grunge and Kurt! Oh well. She (the mad cow of a flatmate) used to tell other people I was suicidal and stuff - and she was always saying things to me like, 'Why don't you go kill yourself if you're that depressed?' Of course, I usually interpreted her statement to really mean that she was depressed and wanted to kill herself ... but wanted to project that onto me! (Okay, I coudl go through depressions too ... just because someone is depressed doesn't mean they are going to kill themselves! I worry about people who's first instinct is to talk about killing themselves or who think everyoe wants to kill themselves). Well, I went out one day - and I love BLACK things, like black guitars, black synthisizers, black TV sets, black furniture etc ... black clothes, and I decided I should try black bedsheets! (And my love for BLACK HAIR is like ... well ... amazingly well known amongst my friends!) As soon as I got them home, my mad cow flatmate told me that black bed sheets means I want to kill myself! (The irony of this is that people who are suicidal don't care what they want to look like and don't care about their image! They certainly wouldn't have bothered buying bed sheets!) So, she went and got other people and my other flatmate to tell me the same thing! Yes, they all graduated from the 'Idiot School of Parrot Psychology'. "She told us it was so, so we repeat it!" Oh yeah! Love that logic! And THAT sort of stuff just made me like my black bedsheets even more. (Just call me the rebel in black! Zoro of the bedsheets! The Fonzie of sleepville! The Sam Spade of Snoooze town! The Darth Vadar of the ... oh wait, he's a bad guy!) :-) Anyway, last night, I decided to stick them on my bed (seems as my light blue bright sunny non-suicidal bedsheets were still wet). Then I discovered a curious thing! ONE OF MY BLACK BEDSHEETS WAS MISSING!!!! (Hmmm, why can I see that title being used for a sitcom?) I still had the pillow slips, I still had the top sheet! BUT MY BOTTOM FITTED BLACK SHEET WAS GONEEEE!!!!! My only conclusion is some dark depressed suicidal bastard stole my black bed sheet! :-) Okay, I better not press charges, don't want their death on my conscience ... of course, maybe it was my old mad cow flatmate! The bitch! She stole my bedsheet and has probably committed sepuku on it in order to prove she was right! Only suicidal maniacs have black bedsheets! :-) Okay - so my humour is a little dark tonight. Anyway, my bedsheet is missing and I haven't used it since I left Sydney ... so maybe, some Kangaroo stole it on the Nullabour plains! Probably that one who lept in front of my car and killed itself! Bloody suicidal kangarooooos! STOP STEALING MY BEDSHEETS YOU KAMIKAZE MACROPODS!!!!! :-) Just kidding. Yeah, it must have gone missing before I left Sydney. I better replace it. My bed never looked so good as when it's dressed in black with two black pillows for Sunglasses! :-) It's the matress they should have in "Men In Black" and "The Blues Brothers"!! :-) Certainly would ahve improved bot the sequels ... but then a striped giraff in a spandex ballet tights could have improved those sequels! :-) Well, it was too late to dry the rest of my washing, so I had to wait till the morning.

-----

Another curious thing which happened today, was our business calss was joined by a new student. She was going to start a 'counselling' service for people. Towards the end of the day, she and the lecturer didn't see eye to eye on an issue. There wasn't an arguement - but neither would conceed the point - and the counsellor suddenly burst out crying and ran out of the room. I have always suspected that a lot of people become councellors, as they are unhappy themselves and wish to help others like themselves. I once heard that the largest percentage amount of suicides is amongst Psychiatrists! I feel for this woman. I'm not sure she is in the right business. I am surprised that neither she nor the lecturer could just agree to disagree - or that the councellor couldn't see that she was never going to convince him, and just let the point go. Very strange.

How Weird?

How Weird. I arrived at my blog, and the OBJECTIONABLE FLAG was up! I wonder what someone objected to! Was it the FireAngel Fan Club button? She seems to be accumulating enemies. Was it the my objection to the comentary from SlashDot? Was it something in my 'I Am That Blogger ...' Meme? If someone is going to be critical of what I am writing here, I prefer if they tell me, so that I can understand the objection. I don't have naked people on the blog. I avoid using swear words ... and I've seen plenty of blogs which have had both of those! Or is it just someone doesn't like me and wants to remove me from the blogsphere? Well, that won't happen. If I am forced to move the blog, then I am sure I can afford to host it myself (and then you'll never be able to remove me!) Anyway, if you have a problem, then please talk to me. I am a pretty friendly sort of a guy. Actually, I was wondering last night if I shoud expand on some of the points I made inth e 'I am this blogger ...' meme! Some are pretty criptic ... but then again, maybe that's the point of leaving things in point form. Wonder how many of my points raised more questions in peoples minds about me! Hmmmm, wonder what people think about me now! I tried to include me at my evilest! After all, my ex-wife claimed I have no 'dark side' - it's all exposed, so I don't hide stuff. Better to live life naked so that no one can get anything on you. I never did drugs, I was never a violent drunk, I've never beaten children or women (and don't go around starting fights with men - they usually pick on me!) Well, my Business course was interesting today. I am feeling more confident about starting this business ... hmm, wonder if that's why my blog got flagged!!! :-)

I Am That Blogger

First up - The FireAngel Fan Club button I made and stuck on my other Blog Site. I wasn't able to load it (or other pictures) here before. But now I can. Will link to the fan site. I wonder where the creator of the fan site will take it. I don't think there is much more that can be done ... or is there? :-) I was going to write a little about this: BLOG COMMENT on slashdot - mainly as the blurb at the beginning makes a lot of assumptions. I was slightly offended by the '15 minutes of fame' remark. Gees! It assumes everythong blogs to be noticed! Talk about not understanding the intricasies of the human psyche and the differences in motives in the four personality types. It sounds like it was written by a typical melancholic who thinks all bloggers are sanguines! Doesn't matter! I guess that's my shortened version - was some other assumptions I won't bother ranting about! I AM THAT BLOGGER! MEME! I might have commented before ... or it might have been in someones comments section. There has been a MEME going around called 'I am that blogger ...' which is like, out there and lots of people have done it. I can't even remember everyone - but I know Minishorts did it, and Kyels did it ... and other's. Lots. I know it's lots, as I lost count of everyone who did it! Anyway, I started to write out in Open Office my 'I am that Blogger ...' stuff, and got to four or five pages when the computer froze and I lost it. (Baka Dabido - it kept asking to auto save, and I kept cancelling! That'll teach me!) After it froze, I switched the computer off, and then wrote another page by hand in my bedroom. I was amazed at how much I had done in my life. The problem was, I could have continued for hours more. It probably could have filled a book - and that wouldn't have included me ransacking my diaries to find more things I'd forgotten. I might have to start my diaries again. My blog doesn't go into anywhere nearly as much detail as my diaries used to. I feel I am loosing a lot of my life by not continuing the diary. Actually, the diary used to take one or two hours of writing each night. Anyway, I decided that maybe it was for the best that the computer died before I could post all those things. Some were too sad (similar to my post the other night about the Teflon suit). Others, you'd wonder what I'd been doing in order to do stuff so stupid. Other's were embarrassing for other reasons. I figured if I included too much, you might even get a bit of an idea about the different threads which make up the Teflon Suit. Tonight, without going into too much detail, I'll include some of the things here. Some will be confessions (let's face it, I'm sometimes honest to the point of pain). Other things I find funny, and other things will be sad. I am the son you didn't want, as I wasn't born a girl. I am the son you used to tell everyone was gay. I am the flatmate, who knocked on your door five times calling your name. When you didn't answer, I walked in to find you with ... um ... your thing in your hand! Sorry. Oh, phone call for you! :-) I am the flatmate who, realising you had slept in again, raced into your room to get you up, only to find your ... um ... I didn't know girls could do that! Um ... sorry! :-) [Yeah, even I didn't think I could do that to a second flatemate!] I am the flatmate who arrived home from work to find you cooking in nothing more than a G-string! Um ... can't blame me for that one! I do live here! :-) I am the son you left on the streets of Sydney. I am the husband who waited all night in the thunderstorm hoping you were coming home! I am the husband you tried to insure for a million dollars, then you tried to suffercate me in my sleep. I am the System Administrator you almost worked to death. I am the flatmate you threatened to kill with a baseball bat, because you didn't like my joke. Then you told everyone it was my fault! I am the patient you prescribed medication to which made my go suicidal. (Twice!) I am the patient you claimed was faking it. I went to another Doctor up the road. He actually examined me, and I had pneunonia. I am the brother you held while I had the crap beaten out of me. I am the friend who broke you and your fiance up ... sorry. I am the friend of your fiance that you kept hitting on! Sorry, I can' t sleep with you! I am the network engineer who stood up to you and stopped thousands of people loosing all their money. My reward was unemployment. I am the fellow student who disarmed you when you pulled a knife on me. I am the brother who knocked you out, because you were lying through your teeth. I am the centreforward on the soccer team that won the Under Eight Premiership. I am the guy your wife wanted to leave you for. (I said "No!" - but you'll never know she wanted to leave, and I'll never tell you!) :-) I am the flatmate you raced in on when I was stark naked in the bathroom! Um ... you slept in again silly girl! :-) I am the flatmate you abandoned when I was vomiting blood. I am the flatmate who arrived home from work to find you topless with another guy ... don't worry, I didn't tell your BF. I am the bass player who walked out on stage with everyone chanting the bands name! It was a great buzz. I am the idiot who told you off when you had done nothing wrong. Sorry. I am the idiot who bought a car without breaks and no traction and drove it into a tree. I am the idiot who drove the same car into an embankment a week later! I am the cyclist you drove over after failing to stop at a giveway sign on. (Which was why I ended up buying a car!) I am the neighbour you blinded with rocks. I am the patient you wanted to amputate the foot off. I am the husband who explained, that kangaroo doesn't have a joey's tail hanging out it's pouch! It's a male Kangaroo! :-) I am the husband who never said a thing, when your friends husband told the story of his wife making the same kangaroo mistake! :-) I am the friend who held your hand after you were run over by a drunk driver. You were already dead. I am the friend who didn't attend your funeral, as no one had told me you'd died till months after. I am the shy guy at school who liked you, but never asked you out. Years later you died of anarexia because you thought no one liked you. I am the musician who exploded at you because you hurt my feelings. (Damn ego!) I am the comedian who walked on stage and forgot all the punch lines! How embarrassing!!! :-) I am the blogger who writes way too much and had better shut up, as I still have more and more and more I could write! :-)

Sick Last Three Days

The last three days (or is it four now?) have been very difficult for me. Not because of what I was talking about in the last post, but because I've been really sick. Actually, it started on Wednesday, or Thursday. I was getting itchiness in my nasal passsages, inner ear and throat. Often a sign that my allergies are being set off. After all, it is spring, and there is pollen in the air. I kept taking Clarinaise tablets. They were ineffective. Saturday, I developed Flu like symptoms. I had so much homework from my business course, that I decided to soldier on, still thinking it might be allergies. Sunday, I knew it was something else. Still having Flu like symptoms, it might have been a bad head cold or something. Left lung was having major problems. Possible pneunomia type thing happening. Lots of pain in the left lung. Monday, it really became REALLY bad. Flu like symptoms were joined by migraine type symptoms. Was like a bad head cold, etc with all yesterday's problems, only now I was throwing up all the time, throat was as sore as can be, my eyes were getting flashes (migraine sufferers will know what I am talking about). The only reason I know it wasn't a migraine, was the headache is what would be considred mild by migraine standards (and probably medium to bad by other sufferers). I also had some major sneezing fits, which saw me use a LOT of handkercheifs up. Dizziness, and I almost fainted a few times. [Plus the depression episode too]. My friend Kat phoned me from Sydney. (She does that often. Just phones to make sure I am okay and everything. I think everyone needs friends like Kat.) We had a big Deep and Meaningful conversation. We were talking about depressions, our ex's and all sorts of things. I mentioned that I was having major doubts about starting the business. I wasn't sure I had what it takes to do it. Kat said to me, 'David. You can do this easily.' 'Really? Why do you say that?' 'Because everyone knows you're brilliant!' WOW! I loved her choice of words. She didn't use, 'Smart', or some of the other adjectives which might surfice. She used brilliant. 'Really? Thanks.' 'David, I knew you were brilliant from the first time I met you. You'll do this easily, and you'll wonder why you ever doubted yourself.' All I could do was thank her. It's probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Anyway, we talked other things, like when was I ever going to go back to Sydney and visit everyone. Eventually, she had to go to bed (being in Sydney), so we said goodbye and stuff. I was still feeling really sick (and did some more vomitting later on, just to make sure my brain knew it too! My brain decided to agree, 'Yes! I was really sick!') :-) I had decided Monday night, I was too sick to go to my course on Tuesday. I was definitely going to one place, and one place only. My Doctor's!!! Tuesday morning I awoke, and it wasn't as bad as it had been. I was still very tired and larthargic. My throat was red raw. I was no longer sneezing or vomiting. I wondered if the worst was over. I was in two minds. Should I go to the Doctor's? Should I go to my course? I kept flip flopping until the last minute. I decided to go to my course! On the way, I had to drop off and buy more medical surplies. I had the cold and flu medication, but was desperate for anything to calm the sore throat. The lecturer saw the strepsils and said, 'David's got a cold'. (One of the few times he has called me David. He often calls me 'Dave', which I really hate being called!) Well, I almost slept threw the first half of the day. After lunch, and more medication, I was feeling a lot better. At lunch, I was relating my reservations about starting the business to one of the guys. I told him how I had spent the weekend wondering if I really should be doing it. Then, I told him what my friend Kat had said about me being brilliant. He agreed. He also told me that from the moment he met me, he thought I had a brillint brain. WOW! I was totally flabergasted! TWICE in TWO days TWO people HAD told ME I WAS BRILLIANT!!!!!! Why is this not common knowledge in the Universe? Do I normally have this affect on people and have NEVER realised it? I know a lot of people think I am smart, or even intelligent. But BRILLIANT! WOW! It certainly made me feel good about myself. Now I live with fear it will go to my head. Anyway, I hope they are both right. I'd like to use the compliment to spur myself on to doing everything I need to do, without becoming arrogant or self righteous. (Maybe talking about it here means it has gone to my head!) Tonight, I still have a headache and some other symptoms, but I beleive (and am hoping) that I will awaken tomorrow feeling my normal 'baka bodoh Dabido self'. If I am lucky, I will be feeling totally brialliant! :-) [Health wise that is] :-)

Teflon Suit at Work

Yesterday was Fireangel day around a lot of the Malaysian Blogsphere. I suspect it is a lot of FA's friends trying to cheer her up and get her a BF. Anyway, when writing one of my more serious replies to a post at Minishorts site, I fell into one of my depressions. It is a long and confusing thing to explain - but, basically, it's part of the Teflon Suit at work. When I was a lot younger, I wrote a song about the 'Walls' people build (Little did I know, that Pink Floyds Album, 'The Wall' was exactly about the same sort of thing). Actually, the timing wasn't all that bad - 'The Wall' came out in 1978 (or was it 1979), and I wrote my song in 1982. Anyway, I hadn't seen the movie, nor heard the Pink Floyd album, because I was still a student at school, and had no money. Anyway, I was thinking along very similar lines to Roger Waters 'Wall' at the time. I've now changed my thinking a little. What used to be a 'Wall' between people (or 'Shell' according to some), is now what I consider the 'Teflon Suit'. It's more flexible than a wall. Walls are very rigid (unless in a cyclone), and have no room for movement. The 'Teflon Suit' is more complex too. Walls are made of bricks and mortar and are basically Uniform throughout - with each 'Brick' possibly representing a piece of the 'personal barrier' towards other people. The Teflon suit has more flow and is made of thousands of complex threads, which are not all Uniform. Than can be different lengths, go in different directions and even have other bits sewn onto them (like pockets and stuff). They can be taylor made for the wearer and can even make big statements in style. At the end of the day though, Teflon is a major 'Non Stick' substance. It's also used in flak jackets and stuff, so is highly durable and difficult to damage. Wearing one of these is a lot better than hiding behind a wall. Anyway, that explains where the concept comes from. Part of the concept also, is the fact that you often don't think about, nor see each and every thread in the suit. Some things can unravel into your mind at random. A lost memory which you thought was gone, and your mood can change and swing very rapidly. This is what happened while I was writing my reply to Minishorts Article. Without knowing it, my brain cascaded down the one thread, which I thought was being rather sensible. Minishorts was asking guys to make their move on FA, and I was giving (what I think were very logical reasons) as to why it is impossible for me to commit. That's when IT hit me! I've always been good in the 'Relationship' part of a BF/GF relationship. I've always been bad at the 'start' and 'end' parts. While writing the comment, my brain went back to my distant past. This will seem completely off topic to my comment and what I was thinking about. It was 1985, streets of Sydney. Cold winter's night. Probably about midnight, maybe a little before or maybe a little after. Funny thing about 'living' on the streets. You have to have a completely differnet mind set to living in a house or flat. It's a differnet world, and logic often flies out the window. I was wandering around the streets. It wasn't raining, it wasn't windy. Doorways are always a good place to sleep if you can find one where you aren't too exposed. You don't want to be seen by passing police cars or anything. Anyway, I was wandering around, and I went past one of the churches on Broadway, somewhere between the University of Technology (then NSWIT) and Sydney Uni. In the church yard was an old man. A vagrant. A drunkard. He was lying on the other side of the iron fence which was there. He was lying on the grass (what little grass there was) moaning and stuff. I could hear him breathing pretty badly. Anyway, I didn't think much of it at the time. Drunks sleeping around the place is quite normal. Just because he was in the church yard didn't make it any different to him sleeping at a bus stop, or in a doorway. Actually, Railway Square was also a place a lot of the drunks and vagrants used to sleep. Doesn't matter. Well, I was wandering around, as some nights, that's actually the best thing to do. Keep moving and keep yourself warm. Don't stop. Always look like you know where you are going so nobody stops you to find out you don't have a home. I must have gone past the church two or three times. That drunk, snoring or moaning or whatever. Sometime during that night, someone must have found him. Maybe a clergy man, or maybe just another passerby. Anyway, a police car turned up, and an ambulance ... and there he was. The drunk, placed in a black plastic body bag. Sometime, between the last time I'd past him, and when I'd come back, he had been found. I don't know if he'd been alive when he was found and died after, or if he'd died, and then been found. For all I know, someone might have found him and killed him. The fracas of someone killing him might have attracted a passerby who then phoned the police. I really don't know, as I wasn't there at the time. I'm not sure if it really matters either. At the time, I remember I felt a little sad. I can't remember how sad. When the memory came back to me last night however, it made me very sad. It made me so sad, that I literally sank into a depression which stopped me dead. I was almost in tears and I couldn't help but wonder about the incident. Why was it making me so sad now? And this is part of the Teflon Suit. I have no control over this part. Sad memories. Bad memories. Things I thought I was immune to, as I'd lived through them, or lived past them. Things which don't make much sense now, or even then. It's part of the suit which my ex-wife could never understand. I'd just sink and sink and sink into a depression which sometimes has no cause, or the cause does not make sense. It saps me of energy. It saps me of confidence. It saps me of things even my closest friends think cannot be taken from me. I am here, but that's all. I am just here! The substance that makes me, has been drained by the sadness and madness of this world. Though I do not inflict the pain or sadness that is caused onto anyone else, they know it is there. They can't explain it, nor do the understand it. It is the part of the suit, which I've always asked my GF's and friends to just accept. I get annoyed when others try to make me happy, or try to give me sympathy. I get annoyed when they try to explain it or try to use logic to break me out of my depression. Somedays, you just have to accept, that you don't know, and you can't do a thing. And that's how it was with me and that drunk who died. It made me sad that he passed away that night, but what was I to do? Maybe that's why it makes me sad. Maybe I blame myself for not checking to see if he was alright. There are good reasons why you don't check things like that when you are on the street. I won't bother explaining. Too many details. As it stands though, I just didn't know, and I just couldn't do a thing. Now it's passed into the Teflon suit as a thread. Something no one can ever relate to, nor understand in detail. A thread that will disappear into memory until the next tiem I inadvertantly come across it when least expected!

What's Dabido up to now?

As I am studying for my Cert IV in Business Management at present, I'll make this really quick. Yeah, getting my Business Plan together and a Marketing Strategy which both need to be complete by tomorrow. Marketing has to be implimented on Wednesday - I'm a little scared at the prospect, but isn't that what makes life worth while, doing something which scares you and coming out on top. No wonder I love Rollercoasters! I hope, if I ever get together with a girl sometimes in the future, that they too like rollercoasters! I mean real ones that you go on at theme parks - not the one life is made from. Life's rollercoaster is compulsory, whether you like it or not! :-) I'm not sure why, but Blogger isn't uploading my pictures. I was trying to add three to the site - One of Douglas Adams book, 'The Salmon of Doubt'. I'v ejust finished reading it today, and thought I'd stick the picture here, and write a little about it ... for those that don't know, 'The Salmon of Doubt' was published post-humously (that means after he died, not after a joke ... after a joke is post humourously). It contained the start of the book he was working on called 'The Salmon of Doubt', which is a Drik Gently detective novel. This is left to last, while the front quarter or so of the book consists of articles published and other work unpublished which were sitting around on his beloved Mac waiting to be placed in book form. It's a good read and and Hitchhiker Fans would (IMHO) love to read it. Those people not familiar with Adams writing should probably start with the book 'Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy'. Read it before seeing the movie. They are ... um ... different. The second picture I was trying to upload, was of the book 'The Diary of Anne Frank'. That's what I'm going to start reading tomorrow. I've actualyl visited Anne Frank's house in Amsterdam, which is now a museum. If you are ever in Amsterdam, then definitely drop in and have a look. I probably should also have tried uploading one of my photo's from outside the house (which I took in September 2000). Oh well, no pictures today, blogger doesn't love me any more! :-) Third picture was of Everclear's album 'So much for the Afterglow', which I was about to start listening to. The other three books I am currently reading are all 'Small Business' Management or Marketing books, and as such, not really that exciting. I'm also gettign stuck into my course notes and trying to get my Business Plan and Marketing Strategy ready for implimentation! That's all for now. If I end up blogging intermitantly over the next few weeks, then you know I am studying hard. I have a Certificate to acheive. Can't have too many pieces of paper in the modern world! Might need them as toilet paper once all the trees have disappeared! :-)

Quick How To Guides (Part Five)

Quick Guide Five - How to make a totally disgusting drink, which is healthy for you. 1. Take half a cabbage, a large celery and some beetroot. NOTE: You can add other things to make it more palatable too, like fruit etc. There are good reasons why I use this combination for my totally disgustingly healthy drink. The Cabbage is one of the best things for the stomach lining. As a lot of my regular readers know, I've had stomach problems for the last twenty years. So getting a little cabbage into me, is a good thing. The beetroot is one of the best things for helping the liver. It helps fight fatty liver and also is great if you've been out on the town drinking yourself stupid. It helps reverse some of the damage done by a big binge. The celery is also good for weight loss and has other health implications. (Which is why celery tablets are also available from health stores and supermarkets etc). I'll let you look up the other health benefits of all these things. 2. Clean them. If you are like me, the last thing you want in your drink is sand or bits of insect (celery seems to come from the super market with both of these things! Yuch!) 3. Chop them up so that the cabbage and celery will fit into a juicer. Yes, we are juicing these and not blending these. I bought the juicer about seven years ago, as I was (at that stage) juicing cabbages for my stomach problems. I discovered something about cabbage juice. First, it is totally disgusting to drink on its own. Second, it has a nasty tanginess to it, that doesn't do the tongue any good. Third, no matter what you stick with it, you can never seem to make it taste any better (though the beetroot and celery seem to take the edge off it). If anything, sticking apple juice or water melon juice or other things with it, just seems to ruin whatever you stick with it. 4. Put the cabbage and celery through the juicer. 5. Chop the beetroot up so that it will fit into a blender. The reason for blending the beetroot, as opposed to juicing it, is I found I could juice a beetroot, and get very little in the way of juice from it. Someone once gave me a book which showed the equivalent amounts you need to eat in order to get the same quantities of vegetables. Juicing (or blending) helps to break the vegetable down so that the body takes it in quicker, and less is lost through not being digested. According to the book, a juiced cabbage is equivalent to something like one hundred cabbages! I have no idea how accurate the book is (or was), but the numbers certainly looked very impressive. 6. Put the beetroot through a blender. This of course leaves all the chunky bits of beetroot in the mixture. You'll find it floats on top once all the ingredients are mixed together. 7. Take the blended Beetroot and Juiced Cabbage and Celery and stick them in a jug and mix them up. Actually, the jug is also so you don't spill the juice all over the place. It's easier to do the next step. 8. Pour the contents of the jug into a bottle and add water. See, told you it was easier! :-) The water also helps make the concoction more palatable to drink. Don't try to water down cabbage juice on it's own though. I found that just made more bad tasting cabbage juice. :-) 9. Drink. Actually, when you get to this stage, you'll notice all the beetroot bits at the top of the bottle, which makes the juice hard to get out. Shake the bootle before pouring into a glass (or drinking it straight out of the bottle like I did). What I did fitted into a one and a half litre bottle (with water added to fill it to the top). I find this is easy enough to drink, without the problems of the cabbage overwhelming the flavour. My mother claimed I was going to be releasing wind all day today ... I haven't. (Yes, that is a little surprising). Cabbage has a bad reputation in that category of things. (And probably well deserved). Of course, most human wind is the cause of undigested products breaking down inthe bowels. With less cabbage undigested, there is of course less reason for it to create wind. My brother Jeff is a big advocate of beetroot. He told me that if you eat enough of it, all your waste products start to look purple. (Including your pee). I haven't found this to be the case, but, I am not living off beetroot and nothing else like he does some weeks. I'm also not that obsessed with my waste products to care what colour it is. I've been drinking about a quarter of the bottle each day. Tell me if you try this ... another good one to help the chronitc alcoholic is to have raw vegetable juice made from Purple Cabbage, Carrot, Orange, and Beetroot with 50% water added to dilute it. According to scientists this mixture restores a thing called 'glutathione' to your body, which is essential for liver regeneration. Liver function also relies on Vitamin K - this is found in green leafy vegetables, so chow down on that cabbage and bok choy! [As I've had one drink in two and a half years, you probably wonder why I am bothering ... well, I suspect some of my readers drink more than me, so hey, just helping look after your livers!] :-)